Am I boring? Friends on phones

[Jollyrolo]

I’m starting to worry that I’m really boring :(

I try my best to ask others about themselves, and I always really engage in what they’re saying, ask questions, try to chat with relative answers/often find a way to relate to what they’re saying.

I probably don’t have the most engaging topics myself, I don’t really travel or have any interesting hobbies but I can chat about kids, school, work, local area, normal stuff - I’d say I’m pretty good at small talk (many years of working in hospitality!)

I’ve had two recent occasions with two separate friends when I’m in a 1-to-1 social situation and they go on their phone, not all the time we’re together, but a fair few pick ups and a few minute-long scrolls here and there.

It makes me feel like I’m being super boring and I don’t know how to change it up, or is this the new norm? Any advice or reassurance welcome!

It's not you, it's just how society is these days.

You've just reminded me of a friend from eons ago who used to do this.

You're mid conversation and then you find yourself trailing off to just sit there like a lemon waiting for her to stop scrolling and re engage.

I stepped back from her because of it. Gosh havent thought of her in ages!

Doesn't mean you're boring; it means that they're phone-addicted. Like too many people these days,

Everyone is addicted to their phones now. Sad times!!

You’re not boring; most people are just addicted to their phone screen. You see couples and friends sitting opposite each other in restaurants, not speaking to one another, on phones. It’s totally pathetic.

You're not boring. They're rude.

I don’t have any friends that do this.

They're rude and there's a term for it - phubbing.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2l1zxekp3o

I ended a friendship over phubbing and this was well before smartphones. She was just constantly calling or texting, it is so unbelievably self-centred.

This.

It's so rude. I had this a few years ago with a friend. Asked if they'd rather be somewhere else? No, why? Because someone on your phone must be more interesting since you're on it all the time. My friend apologised and doesn’t ignore real life conversation while in my home anymore.

Important calls are of course different. But I just had enough.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance! I’m pleased to read it isn’t just me, perhaps I’ll choose my friends differently! I just couldn’t do it myself, it’s so rude and I have all evening to be on my phone I would never do it with company!

Yes exactly this! Sitting and waiting for them to re-engage is the worst and actually quite embarrassing! :(

Oh that’s so interesting there’s a name for it, we’re in our late 30s/early 40s so I thought friends of my age would be more courteous but sadly not always the way

Incredibly rude. Next time (if there is one) send them a what's app while they're scrolling, shame the fucker.

You're not boring, you just have rude and ignorant friends.

Nor do I! You just have incredibly rude, phone-addicted friends, OP.

Next time someone does it say ‘Am I boring you?’

It's everywhere. However I had an experience last night which left me absolutely stunned.

I attended a large event in a theatre to hear a speaker who was a sole performer. The theme was about calm, being present, the way social media affects our mental health, all of that. It was a two hour talk without a break in a very quiet venue. Ten minutes in, two young women in their twenties came in late and sat in the same row as me. There were several empty seats between us. They both got their phones out and spent the ENTIRE TIME photographing themselves and messaging, looking at their phones. They took photos of themselves together, separately, from different angles. They took photos of the stage and speaker but were clearly not listening to a word of the talk. After about an hour of this I snapped and asked them politely to please turn their phones off and stop taking photos. The light from their phones alone was really irritating. I could see that the person sitting in front of them was annoyed.
The girl I spoke to looked stunned, and quietly agreed. The other glared at me. Ten minutes later , she had her phone out again, taking photos. Then they started to eat a bag of cashews. I was so annoyed that no attendants asked them to put their phones away, as I had seen a man in front of them being asked to do so before they arrived. It made me wonder why on earth they had booked tickets for this event since they clearly weren't interested , and were an advert for everything the talk was warning against. I was just so annoyed it spoilt the whole event for me.

I just find this sort of behaviour unbelievable. Why had they chosen this event at all, and why behave in a way that ruined it for others?

When people do this I completely stop talking until they realise what they’re doing.

I have one friend who I love and he’s fine with his phone one to one, but as soon as there are three or more he just sits on his phone. It absolutely infuriates me.

I’d be asking them whether they’d like to go home if they’d rather scroll on their phones. I HATE it. It’s so rude.

I’m so sorry you had experienced that and the irony of the subject matter “being present” and them being so easily distracted is hilariously annoying

Yes it was the ultimate irony really.

Meet at one of those pubs that ban phones!

Someone was talking about creating a nightclub that blocked phones (in the NW, and obviously I don't know how true/realistic it is), which would be nice if it's true that young people are scared to dance because people are always recording them. Maybe, like us geriatric millennials, they'll actually get to talk to potential boyfriends/girlfriends, and not have the person they're with scrolling dating apps.

This is the first generation raised by parents who were always on their phones, so might well get worse.

They are being rude

If you're with someone, out for a drink or chat, whatever - the phone should stay in your pocket or bag. Unless it's an emergency call.

Someone did that to me once - it was not an emergency call - just a boyfriend calling for a chat "but he only has a short lunchbreak and wants to chat".. I called her out on her behavoiur afterwards.

Rude!

No your not wrong they are.
People have become too immersed in their phones rather than talk to.peoole and make conversation.
Your friends are zombies.

Horribly rude. I never check my phone in company and really hate when someone else does. Nothing is that important that you cannot be present in the moment.