Mother so judgmental on looks.

[Bogglyeyes]

My mother has always been very judgemental on looks, the first way she'll describe someone is either beautiful or ugly, never kind or unkind. She is as shallow as a puddle.

Yesterday I went to visit with my daughter after my daughters football match. My daughter usually wears glasses but wears contact lenses for football now.

As my daughter was showering my mum said, 'ooh .... looks different, where are her glasses?', I replied, 'Shes started wearing contacts for football to stop her glasses getting knocked off, she looks good doesnt she?' She screwed up her face and said ' oh no, they don't suit her at all, she looks much better with her glasses!'
I was ffing fuming, 'they dont suit her at all?! ' it's just her bare face ffs.
I'm used to these kind of comments but she got me sooo mad.
I told her that I hated it when she said stuff like this - commenting on people's looks. She said ' well I didn't say it to her.'

I'm not going to fall out with her, times too short and shes 80 but she got me sooooo mad.
Am I being unreasonable for getting so mad?

I’d have to bite back to her with something like why do you only ever comment on people’s looks or weight
whatbshame you can’t see that persons achievements or struggles or good or dreams
I feel sad for you

and repeat it every single time they comment on anyones looks

in this instance you asked her so never give her that opportunity again

and decide today’s the day you will tackle this everytime

Give it straight back to her. Comment on her worst feature so she knows how it feels. That’s the ONLY way to stop these types. When they get a taste of their own medicine they back down.

The fact that you said ‘she looks good doesn’t she?’ means you are also focussed on looks. During a sweaty football match of all things! One thing to say that if she was all dressed up for her prom but you’re so hyper vigilant about your mother’s judgemental attitude that you’ve adopted it yourself. YABU.

"It's so outdated to judge women on their looks, don't you think?"

You were the first to comment on DDs appearance and ask her opinion! You don't have to like her answer but to be fair to your mum, if you're used to seeing someone with glasses then they often look a bit odd until you get used to seeing them without! I wouldn't take it too much to heart, elderly mums say all sorts of crap, we just roll our eyes at ours!

Sometimes there’s no hate quite like Christian love. She sounds like a woman of little substance.

Tell her that the way she always goes for people’s looks makes her seem like a boring and socially inept person. If she’s such a big fan of frankness she should have no problem with that observation.

I have a friend - in her 70s - who is obsessed with weight.

Whenever she talks to me about a woman I don't know, she feels it necessary to describe her in this way:

'She's quite big, I'd say a 20 up top and an 18 bottom half but she does have a beautiful face'!

I mean, WTF?!

She always has to qualify the fact that a woman is overweight by saying what a beautiful face she has.

I don't even understand why she needs to describe the woman to me in the first place; she never does it with males.

If she's 80 you could probably find something about her looks to criticise? If you were trying to?

I had good results commenting on my gran's wrinkliness every time she felt compelled to point out my every teenage spot...

My MIL is like this. But has been way before her 80s. Obsessed with weight, hers and others. Make rude comments about “fat” people. I call her out every single time which she dislikes . She’s embarrassing because she has no shame. She is also very divisive, pits people against each other. She’ll tell a grandchild how clever and beautiful her other granddaughter is. Her Mum was the same. My SIL broke the cycle.