Aibu to worry about my child being shown porn on the school bus?

[anxiousnervous]

My son is starting secondary school sept 2027. He will have a fairly long bus journey to and from school.
He will be 11 when he goes. I am so anxious about it. I really want and hope people tell me to get a grip and stop being neurotic because it will make it all so much easier.
He doesn’t have a phone and if he has one for secondary it will be calls only no internet.
But, I have seen the stats and I have heard the stories.
I’m so worried about older boys showing my 11 year old porn. He is quite young for his age in that he goes to a tiny village school so he’s been quite sheltered.
please someone tell me I’m being ridiculous and that this doesn’t really happen..

I think it's something to be aware of and prep him for but not something to worry about iyswim. Have you had conversations with him about his friends who may have phones, and if he sees anything inappropriate to tell an adult?

I was going to say YANBU - because I thought this had happened. I would be in contact with the school immediately if this happened.

However, YABU to worry about the fact it may happen. You have a year to speak to him about what to do if he is shown pornographic images.

Will it be a public bus or a schools only service?

I get the bus at school run time (public bus) going past a college and a secondary school and there's never been anything dodgy going on - mainly because it's standing room only on the bus at that time!

Even if its a schools only bus you might find that less kids have smart phones these days due to school rules/people being more informed - DS1 is in year 6 in a city and doesn't have a phone, his friends that do have brick phones because they walk home without an adult.

What is it specifically about the bus? If it's going to happen it could be anywhere, lunchtime, toilets, the weekend.

I have two teen boys who get a school bus and it's not been an issue as far as I know.

He will see porn at some point as he grows up, hopefully not while he is still 11. You can only do your best to prepare him for it.

It’s not unreasonable to be a bit worried. That’s fairly normal. It’s a big transition with things you can’t control.

but channel that worry into preparing him for things he may see and hear and educate him to keep safe.

be careful not to transfer your anxiety though - especially if he’s nervous. Try to show excitement for him and over the summer practice using buses and his phone. Have some rules around phone use and do some parent courses on online safety. Kids will be kids but if he knows what’s wrong/dodgy and what to tell you it will make him more confident. It’s also helpful if he can had headphones to listen to his music on the bus to drown out and ignore any silliness. My son found this very helpful.

Most schools don’t allow phones in school - but they can have their phones on buses. So I expect the bus is the riskiest time. At our school it’s a school bus with a driver. Driver drives and doesn’t necessarily keep tabs on what the kids are doing. So it’s the only time unsupervised. At school there’s teachers on patrol at lunch and between lessons.

Of course it happens; we're talking about pubescent boys here. They've almost all seen it by the time they're 13.

It s a very specific worry.
Why?
Tell him if he is shown something sexy or weird by older pupils (or younger) he can move seats and tell you about it.

Our school doesn't allow phones in class but they have them the rest of the day. Therr is plenty of unsupervised time, they are not supervised at lunchtime teachers do not patrol the park or in town at lunch, or if they walk to and from school, or in the PE changing rooms.

I don't think it's the bus that's the risk here. As other posters have said he's probably going to be exposed to it at some point, the bus is a red herring.

It going to happen. You can’t stop it. He might even be one who searches for it . He’s a young lad - that’s what they do. Whether you like it or not .

It will happen at some point. I had a call from the head teacher telling me a pupil had managed to gain access to porn on a school laptop and my son was one of the kids that was in the room and saw it at the time. You can’t stop it. It could happen anywhere, not just the bus.

I was going to say this. OP still has the joy of discovering a crusty sock down the side of the bed to look forward to. 🤣

I had this concern too. I've seen stats that kids as young as 9 can come into contact with porn. So I had a chat to my dc and explained that there are lots of videos of sex on the Internet, that is called porn, that they are real people but sometimes acting and made to look a certain way, it's not a good representation of real sex and real relationships. And that if they are shown something or hear of anything then we can talk about it, no matter what it is. And that they can tell whoever is showing it that they don't want to see it. And tell a trusted adult at school.

I thought you were going to say he actually had been shown porn. Instead you are worrying about something that hasnt happened nor is likely to. You are assuming that all teenage boys are awful which I can assure you they are not.

Different schools have different rules.

Young boys accessing porn is not in the least funny

I think by 15-16 you couldn't stop most of them if you tried.

Sadly OP, there's nothing you can do to prevent your DS from being shown porn by others. All you can do is talk to him about it.
Some kid did this to my DS when he was about 8. Fortunately he felt able to tell me, as it disturbed him. From then myself and his dad had numerous- age appropriate - conversations with him about the harmful effects of porn and the fact that sex in real life is nothing like most porn.
I believe it's imperative we discuss this with children, and really worry about the wider effects of online porn on our society. It angers me we seem so powerless in the face of it, meanwhile people make millions from it.

A discussion about online porn has nothing to do with masturbation. The latter is completely harmless and natural, the former isn't.

Make sure he knows to tell you when it happens and to note down the names of the boys involved. Then call the police and report to the school.

I’m afraid it does happen. My daughter (when she was about 12 or so) was shown pornography involving bestiality on a boy’s phone during a school lesson, when there was a teacher in the room!

I’ve walked to school behind a group of year 6s watching porn on a phone. Because nothing stops it

You're very naive to think it won't happen.

I can well believe this sadly.