To be fed up of a friends boyfriend coming on a work trip

[thirdwheel2026]

Am I unreasonable to be annoyed that they have spent every moment they can with them including ducking out of working dinners, and inviting them along to meals out with the team.

Depends really. She should obviously be available during working hours. Is there an expectation for these trips that you don't have any time to yourself at all, like would it equally be a problem if she were instead spending her time in the gym, going out seeing the sights, going to a place of worship? If you're not meant to be doing those things either because they're paying for total availability then I get your point. But if it'd be fine for her to be working out or doomscrolling in her room, not seeing how spending time with a partner is any different.

Im still miffed over a colleague dexades ago. We boh had second jobs working with young people. We had a christmas staff night out and it was decided staff only. It was only a small team of about 6 or 7 of us. Colleague was the team leader. She rocked up with a male colleague from her full time position. I was really mad and said that we all agreed staff only no extras and I could have brought along my husband if Id known.

Of course she was having an affair. He would randomly come onto our youth sessions for no reason at all, he wasn't staff, or had been booked to do a piece of work. He had no right to be there. She left her husband for him.

Ive no idea if they are still together but it was annoying having old tag along with us.

Slightly different scenario to OP but it dug up an old memory!

Yes for the two days she disappeared the expectation and the pay was until late at night

Your colleague is being very unprofessional.

If the partner tags along, does their own thing during working hours then fine. They should not be involving themselves in company meals and she should most certainly not be bunking off work to go play with her boyfriend.

I would say something to her next time she says she’s going off with the boyfriend. “Come off it Charlotte. We are all being paid to work rather than play.” “Doesn’t Geoff get bored of listening to our work conversation?”

So, wait, the “secret boss” picked a female employee out who had to pretend to be the secret boss’s girlfriend? 🤔

Is your neighbour the boss or one of the workers?

She’s taking the piss and missing work. It probably needs brought up with her and the effects of him being there explained.

I sometimes tag along to DHs work trips, and he has tagged along to mine. We’ve done our own thing on the day. And would stay out the way if there was a dinner that was clients only or team only…but tbh on that kind of trip the other wouldn’t go or would turn up at the end for an extra weekend away.

we know each others colleagues fairly well and they’d be happy enough to have us a dinner as we know how to behave.

That poster loves to tell a tall tale.

Urgh. I had this one with a colleague who was totally loved up with a new partner and brought him secretly on a work trip. She missed almost all of the work meetings and the one she couldn’t miss because she was giving the presentation at, she turned up to looking like she’d just got out of bed (and probably had). She wanted me to cover for her with the boss but all I could do was tip her off that they had noticed and leave it to her to get herself out of the mess. I didn’t tell tales on her but nor did I lie for her and I thought a lot worse of her as a result.

Like another poster, I’ve also been the partner going on work trips with my husband. We paid my way, disclosed it to his employer and of course I didn’t go to his work events nor did he duck out of any work commitments to spend time with me. We both stayed in for a few days after his work finished, with the hotel bill being switched into our names and on our credit card. That’s the only professional way these things can work.

I would do exactly this. I would also say I am not picking up your extra workload this is completely unprofessional

I don't understand why you take on any extra workload. How does that work?

Because things are time critical and if someone isn’t there to do them someone else picks them up

There's another side to this in that i had a job where we were away a lot. Often alone but regularly with a colleague. It ws natural to eat together in the evenings. I was out with a colleague of the opposite sex. I'd met their partner and they together had met mine. During the meal their partner phoned and when he discovered that they were eating with me ordered them back to the hotel.

I pleased to say they are divorced now

I had this once years ago. Sales meeting and one of the sales team had her boyfriend along. I spoke about it to her sales manager (I managed a different team) and he said she’d had problems with men on the team trying to get into her room at night so boyfriend was along for support. This was decades ago and I’ve long regretted I didn’t then get involved and call for disciplinary action for the men. It was a very male dominated environment and harassment normalised.

Wonderful!

If she kept disappearing and wasn’t available to work when needed then I’d report it to the manager. Perhaps they’ll have a word with her. After all she’s getting paid the same as you and she’s the only one not sacrificing her evenings.

Total nonsense, illegal to fire people for that in the UK. You are either lying or gullible.

I would be very concerned about a coercive relationship situation. Had an XBF who was weird about me going away on training courses.

I believe the expression is "Cool story, bro".

is it just you and the slacker there? If there is a senior person discuss it, if not tell the slacker to shape up, if they are the senior person then do your job and let the failure fall on them.

I have known colleagues to tack on a few days leave into the end of work trips, pay for the accommodation etc and their spouse meet them afterwards which is fine. Sounds lovely tbh if you can get a nice break away with your loved one. Also fine for a partner or spouse to tag along on the trip but paying their own way, not interfering in work and with the employers agreement. But if she’s missing work and her partner is coming to work things then Id be talking to her discreetly. She may be daft and not understand how this is coming across, or she may be suffering coercive control? Some people need it spelling out that work trips are work 🤣

Not on. We had a worktrip once, 2 of us female, 1 male. The mans wife INSISTED on accompanying him as she didn't like that he was going away with 2 women.
It was work.
Us women had our own partners.
We (us 2 women) both have morals.
We were all middle aged not young fluff.
It was mildly insulting that she thought we'd be maneaters.
Husband was an unattractive oaf anyway.
He was embarrassed, we were embarrassed for him. It was utterly ridiculous.
Could it be your colleague has an insecure partner?

I think you need to point out to your colleague that you are not going to pick up her workload.

this

Well I can only relay what Mrs Gibbons at number 42 told me word for word and I have no reason to doubt her as she was a postmistress for 37 years and a pillarbox of the community