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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be completely fed up of my Mum complaining about her Final Salary Pension?

11 replies

MrsTittleMouse · 30/06/2008 15:23

Just to qualify, I do realise that a lot of elderly people are in dire financial straights with prices increasing, and if inflation carries on going up then lots more of them will be in a bad way.

But......
My Mum was a professional and paid into a final salary pension through her work. She took time off to have children, but she paid additional voluntary contributions to partly make up for it. She also has her state pension, and she works part time - getting rather good freelance rates.

She has been moaning to me recently about her financial situation. She owns her own home, and I worked out that after we've paid rent, council tax and pensions, we have less money each month than my Mum does after she pays her council tax (and we're supporting 3 of us, soon to be 4, with that money). That's not counting her freelance money, just her pensions. She could have had even more money each month, but she chose to take some of her pension as a lump sum and decorate her house. We are playing "catch up" with our pensions (for various reasons) and we're trying really hard to save now. We only have private pensions though, and so it's a bit of a risk as they could be worth peanuts when we retire.

I think the sticking point for her is that she has separated from my Dad and he has just had an inheritance (that obviously she isn't benefitting from). So I think that she compares her situation unfavourably with his.

So is she being unreasonable for moaning to us about "final salary pensions not being that good really"? Is she insensitive for complaining to us when we're struggling a bit as a young family, or am I insensitive because it's natural that she'll compare her situation with my Dad's?

OP posts:
moopdaloop · 30/06/2008 15:26

think like this: if she wasn't your mother how would you react? and then react accordingly

flowerybeanbag · 30/06/2008 15:28

YANBU at all. Can't comment on her financial situation or anything but people who moan about final salary pensions not being good enough haven't got a clue how lucky they are imo.

Quattrocento · 30/06/2008 15:28

Can't you just switch off? Like listen but not take it in and most specifically not take it to heart?

Personally I would kill for one of those final salary pension thingies ... but I wouldn't be envious of someone with one ... life's too short

MegReally · 30/06/2008 15:33

my father had a run-in with someone moaning about an NHS final salary pension. He told her how much she woud have to have paid into a private pension in order to get that much - it was a massive amount. She is really really lucky to have got a final salary pension. Final salary pensions are like a holy grail, not 'not that good really'. Maybe you could work it out and show her how much a private pension would have cost?

As for your dad and his inheritance, was it his fault the marriage is in trouble? is this really about that?

greenladybird · 30/06/2008 15:39

maybe say do you know how that mes us feel when you know we are struggling.

might make her think

poorbuthappy · 30/06/2008 15:40

Tell her your situation, and then ask her if you are being unreasonable cos you don't want to hear about it and can she winge to someone else if poss??? Pretty please!

My SIL and I have an understanding. She doesn't complain to me about having to work an extra 5 years to get her final salary pension and I don't complain about having to work until the day I drop dead to survive!

MrsTittleMouse · 30/06/2008 15:48

I wonder if she thinks that we think that she's had it easy. She hasn't. I know that when I was little and my Mum and Dad were the ones living on one salary that there was no extra money around for them either. Which is why I supposed that my Mum would have more sympathy!

My parents were completely incompatible. It's astonishing that they stayed married for as long as they did really. I love them dearly, but wouldn't want to be married to either of them!

OP posts:
MrsTittleMouse · 30/06/2008 15:52

But it wouldn't surprise me at all if she thought that it was his fault.

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noodleh63 · 30/06/2008 18:20

I read something about this the other day. It was about one of the banks. If you worked there and had a money purchase scheme which you paid into for your whole career (roughly 40 years), the pension at the end would be equivalent to 13 years in a final salary scheme. My parents and in laws are equally as clueless about how good their pensions are too.

bunchoflowers · 30/06/2008 18:27

You sound like a nice daughter......NOT!!!!

Are you sure your pregnancy hormones aren't sending you a little crazy?!

Maybe you could get a life and concentrate on bringing up your own family instead of judging your own mother and cursing her for having a pension. She is probably just trying to come to terms with being retired. She might not be AS OBSESSED with money as you seem to be. Who are you....... Fagin? Counting out her hard-earned pennies on your greedy, nasty little claws. If you can't afford children you shouldn't have had them?! Just a thought.

MrsTittleMouse · 30/06/2008 19:30

bunchofflowers - she was the one who was talking about money and moaning about it, not me.

I don't want any of her money, by the way. We had the conversation a long time ago when she went on about leaving me an inheritence and I told her that as far as I was concerned if it meant denying her good medical/living care in old age then I didn't want it. She offered to sign over part of her house to me and I refused.

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