AIBU to wonder if my surfing instructor should offer me a lift?

[Sarnpark]

Question for instructors or students:

I’m a relatively new surfing student, doing a one-to-one course with an instructor at a place about 2.5 hours’ drive from where we live. I’ve discovered that my instructor lives literally 5 minutes from my house.

Would it be normal for the instructor to offer me a lift/share the journey, given that we’re going to exactly the same place anyway? I don't mind driving. Or would most instructors avoid this because of professional boundaries?

We’re opposite genders and he is older than me, although I’m not sure whether that makes any difference.

Our kit wont need to be transported as we are hiring everything.

From a student’s perspective, would you see a lift as a completely normal logistical thing, or would you assume the instructor was deliberately maintaining more distance by travelling separately?

AIBU to expect to share a lift (either me or him driving)

Or is driving together for 5 hours too personal in addition to the course itself?

Does he know you live near each other?

Yea he does know where I live

But it’s not his problem how you get to class. If you signed up for something 2.5 hours’ travel away, then presumably you expected to have to handle your own travel?

I would offer to drive him

No I imagine that would be a really awkward journey. I like being in the car by myself so I can listen to my own music and not have to make polite small talk. Also they may not be travelling straight there and home again.

I would see it as potentially against the rules of the organisation he works for.

It’s work for him. I expect he might see 2.5 hours travel as a long time to spend in a car with a student. It’s a whole other level of pressure to make small talk. Like 2.5 hours of extra work in a way. I wouldn’t see it as normal to offer a lift in this situation.

I would neither expect, not want this.

Your age, sex, professional relationship are all irrelevant, there’s no way I’d want to spend 5 hours on top of the lesson with anyone other than close friends and family.

I couldn’t think of anything worse than being stuck in the car with a client/colleague doing small talk for 5 hours!

Plus what if I wanted to nip into town on the way home etc or go to the shops - it’s very restrictive.

But then he’s relying on a student to get him there and home!

No, way too long in a car with someone you barely know and are just in a student/teacher thing with. And what if he books more than one lesson on the same day? Or has other plans? Or wants to do some surfing himself whilst there?
So no, you shouldn’t be expecting a lift.

No. You can be a big girl and get yourself there. Why is it his problem?!

You’re a customer. Yes, professional boundaries, but also, he’s unlikely to want to spend that length of time with you when he’s not getting paid for it.

No, it would be unprofessional, plus for all you know he might not actually like you. It's a student teacher relationship, not one between mates.

What if you don't like each other 😣 I would need to really like someone to spend a long time travelling with them - isn't it one of the reasons people actually drive, rather than use public transport , to avoid weirdos? Not saying you are weird btw.

I have noticed that the male instructors and male students regularly share lifts. That is why I am asking, is my gender the issue here

I doubt he's driving that distance just for one lesson

It may be against the rules for an instructor to be alone with a member of the opposite ssex and he would be opening himself up to all sorts of allegations. I think and in his place I would protect my self by not offering lifts to students where I would be alone with them.

Maybe the other instructors like the company and offered. Maybe yours just doesn't fancy sitting in a car with his student for 5 hours. I would never offer someone a lift in his situation unless I thoroughly enjoyed their company.

No you weirdo. It’s not normal.

OP, it’s inappropriate. It would be unprofessional of your instructor, who needs to keep teacher-student boundaries. Also, if I were his wife or girlfriend, I’d take a very dim view of it. I’m really surprised you’re even suggesting this, OP, and for a two and a half hour drive each way, absolutely not.

What a weird thing to expect.

Do you fancy him or something?

He might well be uncomfortable offering but might be ok with it if you raise it?
maybe say, no probs if you want to make your own way, was just wondering if you wanted to catch a lift to the next lesson as we live so close it seems!

also, it seems weird that both coincidentally live 2.5 hours away from an area where you’d get surfing lessons? Why doesn’t he live near there? 😂

We are intentionally travelling to a location with very good surf in Cornwall. Quite normal when youre into surfing 😅