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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be just a tiny bit upset with DH????

29 replies

glaskham · 30/06/2008 11:10

I've been ill with tonsilitis since thursday last week, woke up this mornign and pain is worse and i also have a banging headache!!!

begged and pleaded Asked DH to go into work after the nursery run with ds (so arriving at work around 4pm and working through till 8.30pm) and he refused point blank... He is the manager so i know he has the power to sort something out, he has in the past.

He then stayed in bed for an extra hour while i got the dc's out of bed, changed and dressed them, got them breakfast, hoovered, fed the cats and rabbit, put washing out, washing on and folded and put away all the clean clothes, washed pots AND made his lunch for at work... in the same time he got up, got dressed and got himself breakfast then left.

I've been ill for 5 days running and this is the first day i've asked anything of him, i've been having dizzy spells and cant face phoning DS's nursery and him having the day off because i'm ill!!

AIBU to be just a little bit upset DH hasn't even tried to help me?

OP posts:
MegReally · 30/06/2008 11:14

what the f* were you doing making his lunch or hoovering or doing washing or washing up or any of those things if you are ill? If I am ill I act ill

don't get me wrong your dh is acting like a prick but just STOP DOING UNNECESSARY STUFF, ill people don't act like this

Original poster
glaskham · 30/06/2008 11:16

i only did it becaus ei was so pissed off he'd stayed in bed!!! i needed something to do instead of crying and begging him more!!

oh and this is the first time he's ever actually not been sympathetic when i'm ill too, so its all new feeling like this!!

OP posts:
procrastinatingparent · 30/06/2008 11:16

YANBU! That is unbelievable!

If I were feeling that ill and my DH refused to help, I'm pretty sure his washing and lunch would plummet to the bottom of my 'to do' list. Only do absolutely the bare minimum to keep the kids safe and healthy - he is old enough to look after himself - and that seems to be what he is best at ...

Lazycow · 30/06/2008 11:17

Why on earth did you make his lunch for work?

I'm not sure about the nursery timings but is there anyone you can phone who can take your ds to nursery for you. There is no reason for your ds to stay off nursery if he is well. In fact he should go to nursery to give you some time to rest if that is at all possible.

I'm not even going to post what I think of your dh as I'm astonished someone could be so unsympathetic.

I really think you need to start taking care of yourself. If your dh won't help, do the bare essentials. The bare essentials do not include making lunch or dinner for your dh. If he can't take any time off work he should be helping out when he is home with the washing/cooking, dressing of children etc.

HonoriaGlossop · 30/06/2008 11:18

I agree with meg. All the time you do this stuff, he will allow you to.

And I have to agree about the lunch - why on earth make it for him - he is a grown up!

If this had been me, well call me a harridan but I would have done the absolute minimum, gone to bed, and left a note detailing things he needed to do when he got in, eg the washing, feeding animals, washing up, hoovering.

Original poster
glaskham · 30/06/2008 11:20

There's noone who could take ds to nursery for me, he's there from 12.50-3.20, my sister is working, dad is working, mums at work till 12.30 but lives a 30min bus ride away, other sister at college till 3.30pm... tbh my first post paints a really bad picture of DH, he's not normally like that, and written down it does sound much worse than it was....

OP posts:
Countingthegreyhairs · 30/06/2008 11:21

YANBU - that's outrageous behaviour - even if he had (doubtful) business reasons for not sorting something out in the afternoon there's absolutely NO excuse for not getting up early and helping you with the children this morning.

You have do to something and not allow yourself to be treated this way - can you hear my blood boiling on your behalf?!!!

In the meantime, next time he asks you for something you know what to say ....and I wouldn't be making his lunch tomorrow either ...

Outraged, outrageous, outraged .....

Twinkie1 · 30/06/2008 11:22

Go and get some hydrogen peroxide from chemist and gargle with it - diluted with water - it will cure your tonsilitus I promise - then go and rub DHs toothbrush in a bar of soap!!

peggotty · 30/06/2008 11:23

He is BU but you were a bit of a martyr too. I recognise this because I am prone to doing it too. You're ill, go to bed and do the bare minimum. Hope you're better soon

MegReally · 30/06/2008 11:24

how do you get your son to nursery? is it a long walk? can you get in a taxi?

you really need to look after yourself if your dh won't do it. Honoria is right, if you do stuff, he will let you do it. Do NOTHING get BETTER

choccypig · 30/06/2008 11:26

If he is not normally like this, could be that DH is going down with the same bug. He'll probably be sympathetic (but still unhelpful) when he realises how bad you are feeling.

Countingthegreyhairs · 30/06/2008 11:27

x posts!

I have to confess that I know lots of men who are marvellous for the first few days when their wives are ill but then get bored if it goes on for more than three days or so ...

Tonsillitis can be really nasty. You need to get it across to your dh that you won't be getting better any time soon unless you can rest now.

HonoriaGlossop · 30/06/2008 11:28

I agree you were being a martyr. Sorry. But if you could do all that in the house, you could get ds to nursery perhaps?

I really don't think it's logical to moan that he won't help when you're ill, then do more housework in a morning than I manage when well

Be kind to yourself. When you have a husband and kids it is pretty unlikely that anyone else is going to do it for you. Unfortunately.

Original poster
glaskham · 30/06/2008 11:32

Yeah, well I have felt a bit dizzy and weak in the legs when going up and down, and have a bit of a shiver, but can put DD in her buggy for a bit of support, its about a 15 min walk to nursery (at dc's speed) and 10mins back... so it'll be around 15mins walking in the whole day, i feel i have to get him to nursery as he's well.

I cant go to bed as have both DC's here and they are only 3.7yo and 2.3yo....

OP posts:
MegReally · 30/06/2008 11:35

pmsl at "more housework in a morning than I manage when well "

MegReally · 30/06/2008 11:35

mee too, Honoria - I wasn't suggesting you were a slattern

HonoriaGlossop · 30/06/2008 11:36

that's about a week's worth, for me

and i'd need ALOT of input from DH to get THAT on top of things.....

Othersideofthechannel · 30/06/2008 11:38

Have you seen a doctor. I had bad tonsillitis in January. I couldn't drink or eat and had fever and the shakes. He gave me ABs and two days later I felt human and could get nourishment.

Original poster
glaskham · 30/06/2008 11:39

haha.... i didn't see that one, more work than you do when well!! Well i tend to get it all done in a morning and then do an hour in the evening once the dc's are in bed... my eyes are going funny keeping looking at the screen, only came on to see if i was BU or not...

i will go to bed in the evening when i put the dc's to bed and stay there till morning and DH can sort his own tea!! and i wont be doing anymore housework if i can help it!!

OP posts:
Oblomov · 30/06/2008 11:40

What an uncaring dh.
And you stay married.... becasue ??????????

HonoriaGlossop · 30/06/2008 11:42

I agree BTW, you actually need to get to the Dr and get some anti-bots. They do often give these for tonsillitis, if it is that rather than 'simply' a throat infection. And they will have you on the mend in a couple of days.

Go to the Dr - take care

Twelvelegs · 30/06/2008 11:43

You are asking to be treated like this, if he's in bed and you're making his lunch then you're an idiot.....
You are right to think you married a selfish git but you do have the power to change him. I would start by feeding everyone in the family except him whilst you're ill and putting none of his clothes away or washing them. in all fairness he was right to stay in bed because when push came to shove you could do everything that you wanted him to do but he is clearly unkind for letting you do it.
Now sit down put cbeebies on and have a cup of tea, boiled eggs or something easy for lunch and fish and chips for tea, it's junk food without the guilt in this house!!! Nothing for Mr Ham!!!

TheHedgeWitch · 30/06/2008 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Countingthegreyhairs · 30/06/2008 12:37

Hope you feel better soon Glaskham.

Original poster
glaskham · 30/06/2008 16:42

Well things have changed a little since i posted this morning, i had to keep DS off nursery as i fell down the bottom few stairs from a dizzy spell, didn't want to risk it while outdoors with the kids. Phoned DH to inform him and he said the reason he'd not been able to have any time off today is that he only had 4 staff all day including him (and he said i didn't give him chance to explain this morning)... BUT that he was taking tomorrow as holiday and has swapped his other day off to weds to give me 2 days of rest!!

Phoned the docs and they couldn't get me in till thursday, so i have an app then but she said to phone 1st thing for an emergency app, or get lots of rest, vit C and did reccomend hydrogen peroxide too, so DH has gone to get me some of that to bring home from work for me.

I feel a little bad for going off on one this morning, but still feel i'm owed an apology for him lying in bed while i was doing housework, with no offer of help!! But i'm much happier with him than i was at 11am!!

OP posts: