I'm in my 70s and my only son died in an accident five years ago. He left behind two children, who are now 14 and 12. Their mother remarried about six months ago. I was invited to the wedding and I went. I won't pretend it was easy. Seeing my daughter-in-law marry another man was difficult, even though I completely understand that she has the right to move on with her life. She is still 44 Around July they moved to Zurich because her new husband is from there and his family are there. They're quite wealthy. He also has children from his previous marriage, who live with their mother. My daughter-in-law still comes to see me about once a month with the children. Since my son was my only child, she and my grandchildren are really the closest family I have left. Three days ago she came to see me and told me that her new husband wants to adopt my grandchildren. He is already paying their school fees and looking after them financially. From what she says, he treats them very well and the children are comfortable with him. She feels that legally adopting them would give them more security and that they would have two parents again. Apparently the children are okay with it. She said she wanted to tell me before anything was done. I didn't really say anything at the time. I understand all the reasons. I understand why she thinks this is good for them. And honestly, if this man loves them, supports them and the children genuinely want him to adopt them, I don't want to stand in the way just because I'm upset. But after she left I started thinking about what adoption actually means. My son is already gone. I have spent five years accepting that. His children are the only part of him that is still here. So the thought of another man becoming their legal father is very difficult for me. Especially because I don't know exactly what happens to my son's place legally. Does his name remain on their documents? Does the surname change? Does his status as their father disappear once the adoption happens? I know nobody can erase their memories of my son. I know he will always be their biological father. But there is something very final about legally replacing him as their father. And maybe I'm being selfish. That's the part I'm struggling with. I don't want to punish my grandchildren for something that isn't their fault. I don't want to make their lives harder. I also don't want to interfere with their mother's new marriage. At the same time, I can't pretend this doesn't feel like losing my son for a second time. I also don't know how much say I actually have as their grandmother. I'm not their parent and their mother is the surviving parent. If the children and their mother both agree to the adoption, I assume my opinion may not mean very much legally. But emotionally, this is devastating. I haven't told my daughter-in-law how strongly I'm feeling about it yet. When she told me, I just listened. I'm trying to separate what is genuinely best for the children from what I personally want because I'm grieving my son. I suppose I'm just having a very hard time accepting that the family my son left behind is changing in a way that I have absolutely no control over