So yesterday I held my long awaited and much desired tea party (separate thread on this). It's has been a long time coming so was very keen for it to all go well and to be like I'd imagined it to be.
I spent the morning baking/getting things ready while looking after two boys because DH was at the gym. It was hard as the boys wanted to 'help' and this was one occassion I didn't really want 'little boy made cakes'. But as DH was taking the boys out in the afternoon it was fair enough.
DH comes back and is in a mood. He's grumpy with me and the boys. He does nothing to help me at all - as though he's very clearly trying to make the point that this is my party and therefore I can do it. Fine again. A little unlike him, but fine.
That evening he is cool, offish just not 100% happy. I know something is up but figure it's because he's had to have the kids in the afternoon while I got to sit around with girly friends and have tea.
Today the stand-offishness continues. I try to be nice, make conversation but just get the cold shoulder. I eventually say: right, so what is the problem because there obviously is one and I know I must have done something to upset you?
So he tells me that he is upset that I went to so much effort for a tea party yet I hardly made any effort for our wedding anniversary and that that makes him sad.
I admit, I didn't do anything spectacular for our anniversary. I booked us a table for dinner, he booked the sitter, and we went out. On the actual day we had a fab time lazing at home in the sun and having a BBQ at friends. He said repeatedly what a great day it was.
The only bit I fell down in was the gift department. i really battled to find him something (he is the world's most difficult person to buy for). I did spend hours looking but without success. What I got him was so hideous (and I knew it was the minute it arrived but was too late to send back) that we both laughed and laughed about it. I said I would think again and get him something else. I haven't yet (it was 3 weeks ago). He got me a very thoughtful gift - but then I'm VERY easy to buy for.
DH works fulltime, pays the mortgage and does the garden. That's where his to do list ends. I run my own business, pay half the bills, look after children, run the house, organise all social activities, cook all meals, buy all the presents (including for his family/friends) etc etc etc. My friends (and DH) all take the mickey out of me for being a perfectionist - but I just try to make things nice for other people.
So now he tells me that he feels I didn't put enough effort into our anniversary and I just feel mad as hell. I told him that me having a girly party was an incredibly rare thing (first time ever in fact) and the fact that I put effort into it was because i wanted it to be lovely. But he seems genuinely upset that I somehow put more effort into this than him for our anniversary. Sigh. Who is being the sensitive idiot here? Both of us? Because right now we've swapped sides on the cold shoulder thing and he's the one of the receiving end.