To think the “red flag” documentaries should be played at school

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

If you have a DD, it could be a good idea to get her to sit down and watch these documentaries on BBC iPlayer about red flags of abusive men. From experience, if you’re uneducated, you won’t know you’re knee deep in abuse until it is too late.
They should play these clips in school to educate young ladies, and even young men (although these clips are about abusive men).

Huge well done to the ladies on the documentary for speaking out, pressing charges and filming a doc to help others.

The ones called 'Red Flag', on BBC I Player, I think that part is pretty straightforward!

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/m002x7fx/red-flag&ved=2ahUKEwjOyvWY-duWAxVqR0EAHcfABQwQy_kOegoIAggACAAIAxAD&opi=89978449&cd&psig=AOvVaw3PAKoyTGxVQNx1JAcgu6nK&ust=1788852552906000

I agree. I understand that schools have enough to do and are already expected to parent by proxy, but introducing basic education around abuse and coercive control would fit into the same framework as the teaching around consent.

And I can only imagine that teaching all young people about how to recognise, avoid and call out controlling and abusive behaviour in relationships would be beneficial to society as a whole.

I think you’re right op but I have hope. I don’t know if it’s social media (or their mother banging on about it since birth 😉) but my DDs and their mates seem far more tuned into red flag behaviour than previous young generations. I hear them talking about it and they choose their male friends accordingly.

I still say though, the biggest influence on young people is the role models they grow up with. Education can only do so much.

I think the op meant ‘educated’ about the problem behaviour young girls should watch out for, not how much academic education they had had.

I agree OP. When I was young I’d have had no idea, for example, that love bombing is not a sign of wonderful, enduring, life long true love to come from a ‘prince’, but a sign of trouble.

In my opinion though most protection comes from emotional stability at home, a good example at home, and parents especially fathers who are ‘present’ mentally and bother with their girls in good ways.

Sorry, removed post as I’d misunderstood!

I share the concerns that schools are being asked to do too much detracting from the core educational function.

However if you are going to have sex education providers that present a variety of practices such as choking as being in the ordinary round and fail to cover what can happen emotionally in intimate relationships or touch on the dangers and risks particularly to girls, , then surely it’s not much of a stretch to include a focus on healthy and non healthy relationships.

Rather than it once again being girls be safe, girls watch out for abuse and protect yourself, girls don’t walk home along this route, girls make sure you don’t drink from an open glass. Why doesn’t society try and actually tackle the issue of male violence and abuse against females?

Not either / or but as well.

I’d rather my girls were educated and trained to protect themselves than wait until the halcyon times when men step up.

Oh I see, you're being pedantic about the wording.

Ok, so why was that? Because they were going to be around people who were potentially and eventually going to introduce them to such acts. So, before your DC meets a boy/girl without your knowing and God forbid (literally) that this person coerce them into performing sexual acts out of pressure, or, love bombing them, you’d not like to make them aware that is a true and very real risk some men(or boys) do and always have posed upon girls?
The last thing you’d want is to find out your DC is in an abusive relationship that they may well keep from you, being a near teenager and all, and you find out it is controlling when it is too late and you cannot do a thing to stop them.

Have you seen the latest figures on domestic abuse? So many people are experiencing this. But of course, it would never happen to you, or yours because you must be above DA, right? Please don’t forget that DA does not discriminate.

FYI

In the UK, organisations and researchers have used terms such as “hidden epidemic” and “pandemic” to emphasise the scale and seriousness of domestic abuse. The COVID-19 pandemic also brought particular attention to the issue because lockdowns could increase isolation and make it harder for victims to access help.

The “red flag” in this thread is the fact that @sodoffbeforemycupofcoff doesn’t think year 6 pupils should be receiving a biology lesson about sex.

It is always strange when posters just post sourceless quotes and expect others to just go “oh yes, you just be right on the basis of that”

Can you post them? Where are the stats you refer to and who produced them - to prove that domestic abuse is at epidemic levels?

I am not denying it per se, but it would be relevant to see the stats and source

You think 11 years olds should be heading off to secondary school never having had a biology lesson about sex @sodoffbeforemycupofcoff ?

But lots of parents don’t or can’t. Lots of abuse happens to kids in care with no parents. Someone needs to step in to inform vulnerable children. If parents or carers don’t do it then schools are the only other option.

I think recognising abuse definitely needs to be talked about more with young women. Absolutely anyone from any background can become victim to abusive men. Unfortunately it's one of those things where when your in the midst of it it seems impossible to see. Most women will feel confused and wondering if they are the problem. But highlighting it for young girls would certainly be more helpful than not. Unfortunately I think most young women base relationships on their parents and until good relationships are modelled they will have no idea what they look like.

Because it’ll take decades to change and control behaviour, so people need to take their own precautions in the here and now. We shouldn’t have to look our houses and cars but we know it’s stupid not to. How do you propose to make society safe otherwise? How any more police? How many more prison places? How many more criminal courts? How many more social workers and probation workers? It’s quicker and simpler to help people look after themselves to prevent bad things happening rather than wait decades during which people continue to be abused before the perpetrators finally get locked up.

I think you have misinterpreted what I meant. I don’t mean up the consequences for male violence. I think there needs to be more work on dealing with where male violence against women comes from - deep rooted misogyny and gender stereotypes. In my opinion, it starts from babies where boys are treated differently to girls with a whole different set of expectations (not by all but I see it all of the time as a teacher). Healthy relationships need to be modelled at home too and judging by the threads on here that is nowhere near!

I am saying the response cannot always be show girls how to spot abuse or show girls how to get out. Yes it’s a part of it but the issue is so far reaching and intertwined into every day life that it wouldn’t even be a drop in the ocean.

Schools should absolutely be teaching about mortgages and taxes

Completely agree OP and boys need to be taught that this behaviour is unacceptable, much like they've done with consent - if you don't have it, you're a rapist and if you engage in these behaviours, you are an abuser.

While I agree that some of this needs to start at home, as a pp points out it really does start with role modelling and if children are raised in homes where this behaviour happens then it is normalised. Therefore teaching them it's not normal and it's wrong is necessary. PHSE covers all manner of issues and this is important, especially given the manosphere influence.

Kids don't listen to teachers either Treating partners with respect is covered in the school the curriculum, and maybe showing parts of a documentary might be a good idea.

Parents need to help their children. You cant expect schools to provide every life lesson

I haven’t seen the specific documentaries you refer to, so can’t comment on them.

However I do think it would be good if there was detailed teaching and discussion around the early signs of abuse. Of course parents should (and some do) teach and discuss it at home, but by making it part of mainstream education, it ensures the vast majority of children learn about it AND makes very clear how wrong it is and the consequences. That then normalises seeing and pointing out to peers when the signs arise. That is how societal shifts are created; widespread information and discussion. It could save lives.