AIBU to feel resentful about repeated maternity leave cover at work

[Kedgey55]

Posting this here to get a different perspective and I'm aware this may sound controversial.

I'm 39 F no kids (by choice), never really felt any desire to have them. I'm a healthcare professional. Lately I've found myself getting more and more frustrated by what seems like an endless conveyerbelt of maternity leave to sort and cover for. Since I'm in healthcare it's challenging to get cover so often staff left behind including myself are left to pick up the slack. In my department we've barely been able to do much development work in over 5 years as a result. In an extreme case, an entire service is on hold basically until the manager returns from mat leave. I really don't want to feel like this but it is really hard to not feel resentful of women for this. I know it's awful but I can see why people would prefer to employ men. And I'm frustrated by the fact that women then seemingly always return part time while the husband/partner remains full time. Returning part time creates a whole host of other issues. And it disappoints me that there is not more sharing of the work/childcare split between men and women. And then of course when so many women return part time, obviously this limits future opportunities so this probably goes some way to explain the gender pay gap.

I realise that there needs to be equal mat and pat leave to encourage this to be shared more equally between men and women and until we have that, of course it makes financial sense for the woman to stay off work for longer. And I realise it is not womens fault we don't get mat cover- that is an organisational and national funding issue.

But it sometimes feels like the challenges the staff not on mat leave face are unacknowledged and I think this is what irritates me the most. It feels like there is a whole load of noise surrounding women's rights regarding mat cover, flexible working, childcare, equal pay etc etc, but there is never any acknowledgment of the significant challenges linked to all this, which unfortunately are a reality. I'm not saying these things should go (ofc they shouldn't) but some acknowledgment of the complexities of the issues and the burden placed on other staff would be nice sometimes.

Just needed to rant and tell me if I'm being unreasonable :)

It is not the fault of the women going on maternity leave. You need to redirect your concerns to your line manager and/or HR if you have a grievance with the way maternity leave cover and part time working is being managed. Maybe focus your grievance on making sensible constructive suggestions as to how the cover and part-time working might be improved in manageable way

I don't know what to suggest as even the biggest businesses cannot afford to cover off maternity leave properly.

In fact most teams I know are not staffed well enough to allow annual leave, let alone maternity!

The thing that frustrates me is those without children pick up the slack outside hours for those that cannot work due to childcare. Again that's their prerogative however I and 3 other members of my team pick up all the out of hours slack that contributes to their bonuses. Hours of it a week.

I do it because I want a bonus and I deserve it. They don't work outside hours yet still have the same right to the perks

Just stop doing it then. Extra unpaid hours clearly aren’t appreciated by management. I never get why people do so much unpaid overtime. It just makes you look like a doormat with really poor work life balance.

I agree but I am usually a doormat with a big bonus....

I think upper management appreciate it in the same way

You're unreasonable to resent the women having children rather than resenting the way in which your system deals with maternity

Women aren't having babies their whole lives. Their children grow up and, as they become more self sufficient parents are able to be more flexible and help to cover when people are off sick, on holiday etc

The thing that frustrates me is those without children pick up the slack outside hours for those that cannot work due to childcare. Again that's their prerogative however I and 3 other members of my team pick up all the out of hours slack that contributes to their bonuses. Hours of it a week.

Yes, and the trend towards one individual doing the work of three employees (in my sector anyway) means that a ML cover can be the final insult. I’m SLT now, beyond childbearing years, and I’m 100% happy to hire maternity cover every time, but it’s never once been “like for like” in our highly-specialized business. I do worry about the staff picking up the slack - as a manager, it would be remiss not to.

You are then getting remunerated for the extra hours. So what's the problem? Stop doing it and accept no bonus/smaller bonus. If anything, this is an opportunity.

It's why everyone encourages you to work hard when young and get a career going before childre . Once you have responsibilities, it becomes extremely hard to pick up extra hours, whether it's work or studying etc.

It's the reality of life.

What do you want people to do? Lock their 2 year old in a bedroom with a bottle of water and some scraps of food to keep working after 5pm?

Yabu but I kind of get it when your employer kinda causes the issues you’re facing. I say that as someone who worked in a team where three people went on Mat leave at the same time (or thereabouts) and temps were employed which was hard work - especially when two of those on leave came back from Mat leave pregnant again.

It's pathetic to feel resentful of mothers taking their legal and human right to maternity leave. You should be angry at your employer for failing to fully staff the service in their absence.

I suspect this is the exception, not the norm and only applies where there are clients who would withdraw business if not properly looked after.

👏🏼👏🏼

This has been my experience at a university tbf.
We always try to factor in a handover. Maybe not a month but typically a week or so.

Who do you actually think you are? Busy body? It has nothing to do with you. Just like its got nothing to do with anyone else that you don't want children. Cant believe another woman is talking about women like this.

For the first issue of maternity cover I get that is must be a headache to find cover but the alternative is no maternity rights for women so what do you want them to do? If women don’t have babies the human race dies out?

For the second part I just don’t think it’s your right to comment on women coming back part time or choosing not to come back to work. If you’ve never had a baby you don’t know what it’s like.
For one thing it takes at least the first 6 months to recover from pregnancy and birth, then you have breastfeeding. Why should women be pressured to share maternity leave with their partners when it’s their body that needs time to recover. Babies shouldn’t be rushed in to accepting bottles etc either just because their mum has to go back to work.
If women choose to go back early and share leave then obviously that’s fine but it should be a choice.
In my case I took my full maternity leave and went back part time for a few years because I WANTED to be with my children. My husband didn’t want to in the same way, he supported me to do what I wanted and would have supported me to go back full time, but he wouldn’t have chosen to go part time himself.

I work with a number of international women based in the UK, all professionals. They tend to come back to work after three months and have their mum help care for the baby.

Haha not at all and you're totally right in what you say of course.

I suppose it's a frustration at how businesses are run that one person's effort counts for 5 people's bonuses but that's true of many situations

It's understandable that women want to come back part time after maternity leave. The problem is part time can be really unworkable with some roles and in my experience management are often reluctant to say no even when they realise this.

Of course, makes sense.

The problem arises when they're due to leave in a week and there is no cover...

I went part time after I returned to work not because my partner wasn't willing to also share the child care but because my mental and physical health was still recovering from pregnancy. I have an 11 month and I'm out of work at the moment and I am signed off sick and unable to look for work because I got acutely unwell in the last month of pregnancy.

Maternity leave is not just about caring for a baby but also recovering from the demands of pregnancy and newborn period.

My partner would love to reduce his hours but unfortunately his workload wouldn't be reduced if he dropped a day but would be paid less so it's not practical.

The problem is businesses expecting people to work overtime, constantly. I'm a solicitor, and the expectation is to do a lot of hours, and when I was younger, I probably thought like you. But now I'm in the thick of it, I genuinely have no choice.

I have a 2 year old who picked up a bug at nursery. I have.a very involved DH but small children REALLY just want their mum when they're sick. So I cancelled a call I had planned at 5.30 yesterday, logged off at 5pm, and not only spent all evening cuddling DS, but spent last night sleeping in shifts as DS is so congested and has a horrible cough, he had to sleep on our chests. So both me and DH each got maybe 2 hours of broken sleep in total. We are absolutely wrecked. I worked this morning, DH took the morning off and then we swapped. DS needs caring. So our employers suffered a bit today. We physically had no choice.

I'm sitting next to DS now while he's trying to sleep but he's waking distressed every 20 minutes.

Obviously you are not being unreasonable to feel this way
(Other opinions are available)
But what do you want to do about it?

And it’s a choice many women don’t even have. I couldn’t have children due to fertility issues. Other women simply don’t get the opportunity to try.

We've got a PM mat leave cover during a massive development project, the cover hasn't stopped anything from developing at its normal pace, the replacement is up to the job.

the issue isn't maternity cover.

Who does she think she is? Really?

How has this nothing to do with her? She’s explained her feelings very honestly and she is not in the least alone in what she has expressed.
I’d have thought it obvious that her beef is with the way maternity cover is managed in a majority of workplaces: very frequently it’s ‘organised’ merely by handing out the absent colleagues’ work among the remaining staff, without temporary upgrades or overtime.
As for employing temps to mop up what could be passed to them in such a reshuffle of work, many an employer will not hear of such luxury.

When this situation occurs due to two simultaneous pregnancies in one office, or with one colleague’s back to back mat. leaves, then with the exigencies of full-timers returning as part-timers, the other staff get significant fatigue with the while shebang, understandably.
That isnt the same as a prejudice against pregnant women, or against legislation on maternity leave.
It’s about management taking for granted some kind of female solidarity* whereby everyone pulls together in order that the pregnant/post partum colleague endures minimal stress, when the real responsibility is on management to implement a maternity leave policy which is fair and equable, rather than downright sexist.
Spread out her work by all means, but ensure no employee is forced to take overtime if unwilling ,nor undertake work belonging at a higher grade without appropriate compensation.

• I mentioned female colleagues, on account of many times having experienced male colleages automatically left out of calculations redistributing a pregnant colleague’s work! This was in the public sector, too, which made it extra-boggling.