AIBU for not staying at the wedding venue abroad?

[Sam9769]

DH and I were invited to my relative's daughter's wedding.
It was being held in Europe so we had to take time off work, put the cats in a cattery, park the car at the airport and pay for parking for the weekend and fly to the wedding. We also bought a gift from the wedding list for £270.
The wedding was being held at a country house venue.
When we received the invitation, I phoned the venue and asked to book a double room in the main house. Unfortunately the rooms in the main house were reserved for the wedding party and close family members.
The other options were to book a shepherd's hut for £200 per night or a small cottage for £400.
The huts were tiny and a cottage for the two of us was too much so we booked a B&B close by the venue.
When we arrived at the wedding it became apparent that my relative's DH was furious that we hadn't stayed onsite because it transpired that he rented the whole place for the weekend and hoped to recoup some of this from people staying at the venue. This wasn't relayed to us. When he met us at the wedding, he said hello and then immediately turned his back on us. He only spoke to us once during the wedding asking us if we stayed in a hut or a cottage knowing full well that we didn't stay in either. As a parting shot, when we were sitting by the dance floor, he came over as the music was playing, turned his back to us, bent over and shook his rather fat arse at us and then went off. It also became apparent that he had told anyone who would listen at the wedding how angry he was with us and why.
Since this wedding I have not spoken to my relative and hope I never see him again. AIBU?

Also, we did get a thank you card from the bride SIX months after the wedding!!

What a strange question.

If everything you say is true, why would you ask?

Yes, and at least 6 months after the fact?

FYI your relative's DD is also your relative.

It's amazing to me how many couples think guests want to spend hundreds of pounds on their wedding.
I wouldn't worry your paths won't cross very often if at all.

They all sound horrible.
Whatever it cost you is cheap never to have to see them again.
Every cloud!

6 months for a thank you is within the 12 months time recommendation of Emily Post.
So that’s fine.

He is a dick and an immature child for behaving like this, you did nothing wrong.

A thank you card after 6 months is perfectly normal.

I don't believe anyone would behave like this at a wedding. Shook his arse at you? Anyway, you don't have to ever talk to them again.

Why didn’t you just tell him you tried to book a place at the venue and was told it was full?? Had the relative booked the whole place to ‘sell on’ rooms to family, why did he not tell you so??

It’s the sort of thing Cathy in Two Doors Down would do.

I did think of that later but at the time he was so furious and he is a big man, at the wedding venue I didn't want to get into any discussion about it so as not to escalate the situation. Yes, apparently he had to book the whole place. I suspect that the venue told them that they' recoup a significant amount of their money by guests staying in the huts and cottages.

Are you really asking if you were unreasonable? Surely you already know that you were not!

Believe me, he did! I was shocked by his behaviour!

Well, I felt that I had done nothing wrong but other relatives stayed over and he was so furious, I started doubting myself. Also I felt that other people at the wedding were on his side having a bit of fun with it all. The morning after the wedding at about 10am my DH and I were walking back into the venue as it took place over a weekend, and a couple who were leaving saw us as they were driving out in their car. The wife got out of the car gave me a big hug and said "Wasn't the breakfast fantastic?" At the time, I thought this was odd as it was clear that we were just arriving but I later realised that she was having a dig at us for not staying over. The only reason we didn't just leave is because his wife is a relative with whom I grew up and we go back a long way. He was cute enough not to behave like this in front of her.

He sounds like rude dickhead!
I’m a bit confused though was there a room available for you in the main house? if so that’s on him for not telling people!
We booked out the property for our wedding as we wanted the wedding party and close family to stay there with us rather than it being booked by other guests, then we approached people with the details and if they wanted the room then they paid the venue for it.
If he booked and paid for all the rooms then didn’t tell people that’s what he’d done so you could pay him for a room then he’s an absolute twat!!

I did think of that but he was so angry I didn't want to engage in a discussion with him and escalate things at the wedding. At one point, DH and I were walking through the grounds and he was behind with a couple of guests. He left them and walked up to us asking whether we stayed in the huts or the cottages knowing full well that we stayed in neither Then I remember a man who had been walking with him behind us, calling him back to their group. I realised later that he must have been aware of what was happening and was calling him away to avoid an escalation. Then I knew that he must have told lots of people at the wedding.

I suspect he didn't tell the guests that this was the expectation to give the impression that they had loads of money. Even the invites said you don't have to bring a present, your presence is enough but it wasn't at all!

That's odd but I would have thought more likely that she was referring to the "wedding breakfast" than the hotel breakfast.

Reading your later post as well you seem to be interpreting anything anyone did or said as being about you and whether you stayed at the hotel. I very much doubt other guests cared about that at all. I understand why you think the man that booked the hotel cared bur if he didn't actually say anything about it then I wouldn't worry about it. You can stay where you like.

There was no room available for us in the main house. He did rent out the whole place but didn't tell us that before the wedding and there was no indication on the invites that they would appreciate it if all guests stayed at the venue. It was at the wedding my relative mentioned in passing that he had rented out the whole place. He is a big man with a big ego and it's important to him to be seen as very successful so I suspect it would have been a come down for him to directly ask guests to pay.

Well the whole shitshow is on him them! He’s sounds like an insufferable bellend!!

There was no wedding breakfast. She was referring to the breakfast on the day we were walking into the venue. Other guests made reference to the fact that we hadn't stayed at the venue and we hadn't told them.

Oh God, this is exhausting.

OP, just put it down to the fact you had lots of different opportunities over that weekend to tell him the venue told you it was full, but you chose not to.

Just move on and think about clearer communication in future.

Because over 6 months after the fact, it is still upsetting to me to be treated so badly for, in my view, doing nothing wrong I had always got along well with him until this incident. This incident has completely changed things for me as I will never visit my relative again because of him.

I would not be leaving a present and I’d explain to everyone why.

It seems to be now a “thing” in my country to have these massive weddings with the expectation that the guests will essentially cover their cost with a cash gift. I find it outrageously self-serving, plus no consideration for guests who might not be able to afford that much.

The main meal at a wedding, regardless of time served, is called the wedding breakfast. Were you not fed on the day of the wedding?