Those who have paid for private education or taught in a private school… advise me please!

[Infefgg]

Do you think it’s worth it? I actually went to private school and it’s all I’ve known so I am biased I suppose as I loved school. But I’ve never been a parent paying for it and I’m interested in hearing from people who have done that or are doing it, particularly with the VAT increase.

Just to add I don’t care about academics, that’s not at all why I am considering it. Whilst I want ds to do well and work hard, I know that can happen at state or private. What I’m keen to know is whether the experience of school is better? Are the kids happier? Do they have a nicer day to day life? Do the smaller classes really have a positive effect?

For context spare income is around 2.5k a month (we also have 50k so far saved) so we are not mega wealthy by any stretch but given it is such an expense, do you feel it’s worth it?

You talk as if every class is disrupted. I can tell you that they are not.

Was at a private school when I was 11-18. Taught in both private and state. DS is at a private school. State is fine if it’s in a good area and DC is either very self motivated or has SEN, but if they are middle of the road they tend to get ignored. There’s a bit of emphasis on turning the D grade kids into C grades for the league tables but other than that they don’t really care.

DS recently diagnosed ASD and the school is excellent for neurospicy children. He would have got eaten alive at the local comprehensive schools with 250 in each year. His current school has just over 250 children in total. All the staff know him well already.

Avoid a school who cant trust its pupils to bring books in. What a load of b*!

I taught a class of 36 one year. Was horrendous as I taught science so had huge pressure on equipment, as well as seats to physically seat them in the room. The risks of something going wrong when they’re all cramped together is so much higher.

I'm curious why you would choose private over a large school?

I think if you are fairly average, private school gives your kids the confidence to teach potential.
In my neck of the woods they all go to the lovely village primary and peel off at secondary.
Some of the most successful families, including a TV famous one, sent theirs to the local (outstanding) comp as their kids were always going to do well.
Interestingly both the private and state seem to end up at the same few Uni’s.
All have jobs after graduating. The calibre of job/pay seems to correlate to the parent’s incomes rather than the price of the education, if that makes sense.

Exactly. I honestly dont understand why people automatically think private is better than state just because you pay money. Its beyond snobbish

I have been to both and taught in both. I think it depends on the child and the school. State schools vary enormously and so to private schools.

Children’s happiness day to day depends, in no particular order, on where they live, their family structure and dynamics, family income, housing, location, the social expectations within their day-to-day environment (and how far they are met or not met), relationships with wider family, how far their own talents and tastes align with those of their family and friends, the presence or absence of health conditions (physical and mental), involvement or not in sports and hobbies, and their inborn temperament. The same educational environment can help to promote happiness in one child and sheer misery in another. Different types of school work for different children - there is no simple answer to the original question.

Both of my children attend private school and I have never once regretted that decision. They initially attended the local state school but class sizes were huge and they were starting to struggle both academically and confidence wise so I moved them halfway through primary.
It’s a huge financial sacrifice especially with VAT now added and we are not wealthy but my children are thriving both socially and academically in their secondary years and are very happy well adjusted children who love their schools.i deliberately chose nurturing schools rather than one focusing purely on academics

People often suggest tutors as an alternative but that would not have worked for us, teenagers are so busy with schoolwork, coursework and homework (especially in exam years) and extracurricular activities and seeing their friends that scheduling extra tuition/work and trying to get them to actually sit down and do it would be extremely difficult!

I have 36 in my top set year 11 next year. It is very far from ideal, but it can’t be changed at the moment. 32-34 is very normal for high sets ime.

Really? You think there are good schools with low disruption, high expectations and normal (not extreme) behaviour policies which also allow all pupils to take books home? That’s not the situation in my local area.

I went to school in all 3 systems, comprehensive, grammar and private.
Grammar was by far the best education.
Private school was good, it had smaller class sizes, and a great extra curricular programme, but was vastly inferior academically to the grammar school, because most of the students were quite slow in the private school and the speed of learning is controlled by how academically capable the majority of pupils are.
I would say private school is only worth it if your area has no grammar schools or your child is not academically gifted- the smaller class sizes are very helpful in that case.

I think you need to answer this yourself. I'd suggest starting with a wish list. Is it class size, a specific language programme, number of students in a year/grade group, extracurriculars or where students go next? What do you value? Once you have your list, visit a few schools. More than what you're told on the tour, take in what the students are doing. Do they look happy? Are they engaged? Peek into the windows of the classrooms not included on your tour. Arrive early, get a sense of the office culture.

I've worked in public and private schools for more than 25 years. What differentiates them isn't necessarily the state/private designation. You'll know when you've found the right school for your child. Equally, you'll know the ones that aren't right.

My own background might offer a bit of perspective on this. I went to a high-performing girls’ state comp with a top-100 academic reputation, but I honestly hated it. Everything felt massively driven by target-chasing and box-ticking, with very little room for independent learning or sports unless you were already naturally brilliant at them. Because so much effort went into getting kids over the C-grade line, those at the top were mostly left to get on with things ourselves. Seeing how things were hurriedly rearranged just before Ofsted visits also completely ruined my trust in their ratings!

We ultimately decided on private school for our children, and the difference in their day-to-day experience has been huge. There’s just so much for them to try in terms of sports, drama and other clubs, regardless of how naturally talented they are. They’re known and valued as individuals, and their interests are really nurtured. My husband went to independent schools too and had a similar experience; having teachers who actually have the time to mentor kids and foster enthusiasm, rather than spending half the lesson managing behaviour, makes such a difference. It's not at all about academic outcomes - they could certainly excel at our local grammars - but about day-to-day experience.

Funly enough, our initial push to look private was driven by what turned out to be SEN needs. Our local state schools, bith primary and secondary, often have far more dedicated SEN resources and specialist provision than smaller independent schools. But for us, the smaller class sizes, quieter atmosphere, site location and better teacher-to-child ratios mean our kids are in the specific environment they need to thrive.

If you can comfortably afford it without putting your family under financial strain, the individual attention, broader experience, and sheer variety of opportunities have made it completely worth it for us. Every child is different, but finding a place where they're truly known is everything.

Yes. It’s absolutely worth it. The kids get the attention they need to thrive, not just academically but as rounded individuals.

DD went to a selective private school for sixth form, having been educated in the state sector from reception onwards. Educated entirely in the state sector myself, it had never been part of the plan for DD to switch to an independent school, particularly as her comprehensive, like mine, was high performing.

All that changed when a careers adviser suggested to DD that she consider applying for a music scholarship at one of the two private schools in our city. She was successful, and reflected very thoughtfully on the taster lessons she attended as part of the application process, seeing immediately that pupils were more challenged and stretched. The school then (seven years ago) accepted girls only in the sixth form. It has around 700 pupils across two sites (pre-prep & prep, seniors) and a Christian ethos that is apparent in the day-to-day life of the school.

One of her chosen A level subjects was French, which she was to go on to study as an undergraduate. In preparation for GCSE, I spent time filling in gaps in grammar, which seemed to me substantial. Once she started the A level, she realised that those who had been at her new school all along had a firm underpinning to their knowledge of the language that was quite lacking in hers. At this stage, her written work was marred by basic errors.

For the first time, I understood why people pay: for more individual attention pedagogically and pastorally, freedom from performance tables, a broader range of extra curricula activities and trips, in-house catering producing a proper lunch, more congenial buildings, a variety of well tended outdoor spaces. I am very pleased DD had that experience for her final two years of school, and that she recognises what a privilege it was, particularly being in a class of two for French. My reservation is that an entirely private education is in most cases a sheltered education socially.

As to whether my daughter was happier at an independent school than at a state school, I can't say because she was never unhappy at school, with the exception of a bit of a tempestuous Y9.

You will never know if you pay private if your child will have done equally well in a good state school.
You make your choice.
Plenty kids do fine in state.
And you can afford to supplement.
But if you like and want the private is your decsion
And either decision you may have to make different choices as they grow for whatever reason

I think it totally depends on the child and the state schools on offer within your catchment.
I have a niece at private school and my own children all go to state schools. My youngest goes to a state primary, middle one goes to a grammar school and the eldest goes to a state secondary.
The only one that would possibly gain from going to a private school is the youngest, disruptions within his classes from other students will often disrupt his learning, however it is otherwise the best school within our catchment area.
My niece that attends a private school is an only child and less used to the rough and tumble of life. She is more sensitive than my own children and her parents decided the private school route before she turned 5.
My BIL decided to send their daughter to an all girls private school because he was concerned that she wouldn’t cope with the large class sizes and behaviour of some classmates, after working within state education himself for a number of years.

When my son started at the grammar school, quite a few of his tutor group had been to private schools for primary and then had taken the 11 plus to switch to grammar school which made sense because of the increase in fees as students get older at private schools.
It did mean that over 400 children sat the 11 plus for that school though for only 165 places so competition was pretty fierce.
If money was no object I would choose the same route for my smallest but only if I could afford to pay for private school throughout if he didn’t pass the 11 plus.

It all depends on the schools available to you and what your DC are like.

The only state secondary we could get a place at was ofsted rated inadequate shortly after we didn't send our eldest there. It had a local reputation for poor behaviour and also has very limited extracurricular opportunities, which in a rural area are hard to find out of school. Results seemed to be mediocre too.

Our eldest is academic and well behaved and wouldn't have enjoyed that type of environment. So we picked a very academic private school for her. She does a huge range of extracurricular things at school and is really making the most of being there.

Our youngest has additional needs, but is also bright. She's going to a different private school for secondary as she needs a more relaxed environment. In the state sector I think her SEN would be overlooked as she isn't disruptive and doesn't have the most significant needs. So she would coast along, with very average results. At her private school, her additional needs are some of the most significant in her cohort, so the school does engage with them. When I see friends struggling to get a meeting with their senco, or being put on a list to eventually get an assessment, I realise how fortunate we are to be able to find a private school that can work with us.

How old is DS? I wouldn’t spend 30,000 a year.
You can’t afford it, even if you can afford the fees, he’ll feel the difference in friends who have a lot of money.
It’s the lifestyle plus the school fees.
There has to be some decent public schools. I’d rather spend the 150,000 on a property in a nice area, where the DC are a bit better behaved if you’re worried about other DC spoiling school.

We live in a nice area, with a good village primary. Kids went to pre prep until reception then state primary and I have to say state has been an eye opener. Mostly the soft skills and discipline. Ours went from beautifully behaved, well mannered children, to back chatting, burping, silly. They used to use correct table manners ( elbows off, use cutlery, excuse yourself from the table) to testing boundaries. They went from 12 in a class to 29 & the expectations were so much lower.

Everything just felt "lesser". Especially the behaviour expectations and also the way the parents behave. We have just sold our house to release the money to move them back to a nice prep.

I genuinely feel like they will do less well in life a) mixing with the behaviours in state school and b) having worse facilities and fewer opportunities.

@mypoorgrass we are a long way from London.

I’ve taught in both. Some of the teachers in private wouldn’t last 5 mins in state, others were truly excellent. Ultimately you’re paying for smaller class sizes which is always going to be beneficial, better facilities and most significantly, for your child to be educated alongside children whose parents also value education. Behaviour is generally better but not always and there are often more extra curricular opportunities.

Very much worth it for us with the following situation:

• we can afford it comfortably. Don’t get me wrong, we would be living a much more luxurious life / retiring much earlier if we went to state, but we can still do holidays and aren’t stressed about affordability
• we tried state initially, but weren’t happy with local schools. Despite being ‘outstanding’ there were some pretty fundamental problems with the school we started at. Dc hated going to school at state, but absolutely bounce into their private school 6 years on.
• dc are neurodivergent but low support needs / academically able. Send support is absolutely lacking in our state catchment but the private we chose is very good with our flavour of neurospicy - we’ve been supported every step of the way as needs change
• the breadth and variety of extracurriculars far far exceeds what I could offer outside of school and I don’t have to quit my job/ go part time to facilitate it
• they spend more time learning and are learning in a much calmer environment with a wide array of hands on experiences that would be challenging in a larger class
• they aren’t constrained to the core curriculum. In junior school they have art, 3x PE, music and languages all taught by subject matter specialists. They go to the senior school labs for science lessons, cover history and social issues more deeply, and have multiple opportunities to do independent of group projects.

it has become a much more expensive proposition post Labour, but still think it is worthwhile for us,