AIBU to turn down a major promotion because of parenting guilt?

[Thefrozenone]

AIBU to turn down a huge huge promotion due to guilt?

posted on parenting thread but still in two minds. Feel guilty accepting a full time role which means more time away from LO - longer days at work with condensed hours.

Single parent so will be difficult juggling nursery drop and pick ups will be difficult. My employer is somewhat flexible but I do have concerns that the nature of the role will inevitably mean less flexibility than I currently have as it is more senior. Commute would be into central London and I would have to ask to leave early on office days - twice a week - as I won’t make it home before nursery closing otherwise.

Was renting but moved in with parents to save. This would be an opportunity to move out and have a place of our own again.

really torn - can’t tell if being unreasonable to turn town, or crazy to take it and make it work.

@Holdinguphalfthesky - yes so I would ask for alternating weekends so that I’d still have some more time with LO and exP would be happy to oblige on that.

@JudithsCheeses honestly, no. I doubt I’d get such a big promotion externally, and if I did, a new company might not be so flexible.

I do want to take the job because I feel it will give me and LO a nice life in the future.

I actually stepped down following maternity leave in order to ensure I spent time with LO and now I feel this is the time to set foundations. However, I am very open to opinions of others who have been there and done this hence the post! Ha.

thank you that’s nice to hear. It is 21k…

i don’t plan on not being around for my child and can’t see how uprooting and taking LO away from friends and family is any better?

Thank you for your reply - yes I had planned to remain at home for likely a couple of years and save. LO is in nursery 2 days already it would be one extra day and then the normal day with my parents. They too have offered to pick LO up on office days and exP has offered to help when parents aren’t around now too. School starts in 2 years.

It’s a substantial pay rise. Travel is likely £100 per month.

when DC starts school my hours would be 8-3 over 5 days - I assume this would be ok?

I will get 2 days with DC - Monday & Sunday

Yes I would have always given it a couple of years before moving out - my parents are great yes and have offered to help one more day and do nursey pick up on office days but this will be slightly harder when they are away but LOs dad has now offered to help on these days.

How old are your kids?

I would say do it unless there’s a lot of travel involved that you won’t be able to logistically manage. You can always go back down if it doesn’t work out.

If it helps you save for your own place it does sound worthwhile.

My experience has been that I’ve had to step back now they are mid-teens because I simply don’t have the mental capacity to do the big job and listen to/sort the complicated teenage problems. So I’m really glad I got the house, saved the pension & had the experience while they were young xxxx

@Minasama thank you for your reply. DC is 3 in 3 weeks.

that’s insightful - I suppose I hadn’t thought of it as a way to make the most of things (financially) in the here and now and then have the ability to step back later in life. It felt as if I made the decision I’d be in a senior position forever.

I don’t particularly care for the nature of the role but I am hoping that the experience will open further doors and lead me into roles that do resonate more with me.

I feel I would be failing somewhat if DC starts school and we are still living at my parents home. Especially as I will be 32 turning 33 at that point.