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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my partner was funnier?

102 replies

Banoffeemuffin · Yesterday 19:57

I have the most amazing partner, we have been together 2 years and honestly, he has treated me so well. He's emotionally intelligent, mature, kind, great with my kids, thoughtful, great in the bedroom, consistent. We also do have a bit of a laugh together and tease each other but he's not naturally funny.
I work with a guy who just has this unbelievable sense of humor, he doesn't even try to be funny, he just is, lots of one liners and just dry, silly humour. Im constantly laughing.
I'm not physically attracted to him but I just keep thinking how fun it would be to actually be with someone who was like that and sometimes feel a bit sad that I'm not going to have that. AIBU?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · Yesterday 20:56

Humour changes over time but many so-called comedians don't. The fun bloke at work will probably be as dull as Coldplay within a few years, you will have heard all his jokes by then.

LondonMum2026 · Yesterday 21:05

My DH does not have a dry sense of humour like me- didn’t notice when we first started dating but years later it’s a big issue for me as kids grow up and we spend more time together again plus menopause kicking in which makes him annoying. I just don’t find him funny.

he does have other endearing qualities, he cooks and helps with everything house wise and kids but not sure if I can go on with someone that doesn’t make me laugh. Sorry not v helpful to you.

HappyToSmile · Yesterday 21:09

Personally, sense of humour is majorly important to me in a partner, but the fact that you've been with yours for 2 years before it has raised an issue has got to count for something?
As for the funny bloke at work....step away....

Illegally18 · Yesterday 21:13

MustTryHarderAndHarder · Yesterday 20:14

But so many women are looking for Mr. Perfect so I assume that they think that he exists.

What they don't consider is are they Miss Perfect?

Very good point!

MustTryHarderAndHarder · Yesterday 21:14

SALaw · Yesterday 20:51

Or they could be nice, kind and funny?!

And likely to be married!

Pinkflamingo10 · Yesterday 21:28

Have you ever watched the episode of friends about Fun Bobby ?

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · Yesterday 21:46

I think you need to be very careful not to romanticise one attractive quality in someone else and compare it with the whole reality of the partner you actually have.

You’ve described a man who is emotionally intelligent, mature, kind, thoughtful, consistent, great with your children, sexually compatible with you, treats you well and who you can still laugh and tease with. That is an incredibly strong relationship foundation, and frankly, a lot of people would give their right arm to find that combination.

Your colleague being naturally hilarious is lovely, but you’re seeing him in a very specific environment where his best quality is on display. You have absolutely no idea what he would be like as a partner at 7am when somebody is ill, when money is tight, when the kids are difficult, when you’ve had an argument, or when life becomes boring and stressful. Being funny does not tell you whether somebody is kind, dependable, emotionally safe or capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.

And it’s worth remembering that your partner probably doesn't think you embody every single quality he could possibly find attractive in another woman either. There may well be women who are funnier than you, calmer than you, more spontaneous than you, more interested in one of his hobbies, or possess some other quality he occasionally wishes you had. That doesn't mean he'd be better off with them.

No partner is going to contain every desirable characteristic that exists in every other person you meet.

So yes, I think YABU if you're genuinely feeling sad that you're “missing out.” You aren't missing out on a better relationship; you've simply encountered someone who possesses one quality your partner doesn't possess to the same degree.

I'd appreciate what you've got rather than allowing an imaginary version of somebody else to compete with a very good man who is actually showing up for you in real life.

5128gap · Yesterday 21:55

Its easy to be funny at work. The bar is low and there's a lot of material to work with.

HumptyDump · Yesterday 21:56

MustTryHarderAndHarder · Yesterday 20:10

Yes, it's so easy to find Mr.Perfect isn't it?

That's why so many women are single including my sister and two of my friends. They were looking for Mr. Perfect and now and are now in their '60s and single.

I’d rather be single than settle tbh

HumptyDump · Yesterday 21:59

Traceysgoingtobelivid · Yesterday 20:43

And the award for the most stupid advice on mumsnet goes to……..

Really? You think 2 years in she should be feeling like this.

Your bar is too low.

HumptyDump · Yesterday 22:01

LondonMum2026 · Yesterday 21:05

My DH does not have a dry sense of humour like me- didn’t notice when we first started dating but years later it’s a big issue for me as kids grow up and we spend more time together again plus menopause kicking in which makes him annoying. I just don’t find him funny.

he does have other endearing qualities, he cooks and helps with everything house wise and kids but not sure if I can go on with someone that doesn’t make me laugh. Sorry not v helpful to you.

This is my thoughts exactly. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

If she is feeling like this 2 years in, you’re her future. I hope you find happiness x

Banoffeemuffin · Yesterday 22:22

@DontGoChasinWaterfalls thank you, very wise words and yes actually, I know there are things about me that he might change, I never thought of it that way. I have got lucky for sure.

OP posts:
Fieldmiceears · Yesterday 22:44

Its probably a persona. Living with him he wouldnt be like that at all.

I still feel hurt what a miserable bastard DH can be, he has a wicked sense of humour but I rarely get it bestowed at home 2 kids in :( he saves it for colleagues and mates instead and I just get moaning and negativity.

LooneyLiberalSpaceWaster · Yesterday 22:45

I don't have any advice but funny is good. Humour can often get you over life's stresses. My Ex was witty and clever whereas DH is well intentioned but not very funny. He sat through Zombie Nation with a straight face. He rolls around laughing at Billy Connelly. I'm sardonic and dry, Dh is more madcap and literal. He misses any attempt at humour, doesn't understand irony and it can feel lonely because you can't share. He has other qualities, but if I could start again I would go for the bloke who made my laugh.

LauritaEvita · Yesterday 23:14

Do you fancy your partner?

Catza · Yesterday 23:47

sonjadog · Yesterday 20:25

For me, someone who I can laugh with is an essential requirement in a partner. However, I notice that you mention he makes dry lines that you find funny. Is that one of these things that is funny when you hear them for a couple of hours a day at work, but that would lose their charm if you heard them day in day out for decades?

I was just about to say that. My aunt's husband is a "funny man" but 25 years after they married it's bloody infuriating for her. I find him funny when I go and stay with them for two weeks a year. She has to listen to him 24/7 and the man is completely incapable of having a serious conversation. His humour is a way to deflect from any issues he finds uncomfortable. Not really all that attractive in a long-term partner.
My great uncle also had fantastic dry sense of humour. His wife hated him with passion.
My ex was also very funny. It wore rather thin after a while.

bridgetreilly · Yesterday 23:48

Watch a sitcom if you want laughs.

FlorenceLawrence · Today 00:25

Interesting - my ex wasn't a funny guy, as such, but we did used to laugh together a lot. Lots of in jokes, love the same comedy shows.
I've worked & known some bloody hilarious men, and it's an incredibly attractive trait in a man, but they aren't always good relationship material, for reasons PP's have already said.
So, I couldn't have a relationship with a man I couldn't laugh with, I don't think. But you should probably step away from the funny guy in the office.

sweetpickle2 · Today 00:29

I personally couldn’t be with someone who didn’t make me laugh all the time, it’s a non negotiable for me- so I would never have been with someone for 2 years that didn’t. The fact that you have suggests that it’s not a dealbreaker for you?

You need to shut down thinking it about your colleague though- a slippery slope indeed, and also just not very kind to your partner.

Pumpkinswirls · Today 00:32

Yabvu the guy at work is probably an immature idiot who gets his kicks flirting with his colleagues. The grass is very unlikely to be greener in reality. Think you need to get a grip

Judicioususeofthewordgirdle · Today 00:32

You might want to do him a favour and end it now before it gets really, really serious. You’ve already got a roving eye and he’s clearly not doing it for you; if you found him that amazing, you wouldn’t be fantasising about another man. This one is clearly on the slide and might be better to cut your losses now.

Tonty · Today 00:36

Tunaboona · Yesterday 19:59

The guy at work is fun uncle Bobby. Probably goes home and sits in a grey dressing gown sobbing into his cornflakes.

Why do you have to drag 'grey dressing gowns' into it, what have they ever done to you?

Aintgointogoa · Today 00:37

I have had partners who would absolutely make me collapse with laughter. They do need to 'get' you, and it's reciprocal. Also friends, particularly from the the North East, who could do the same. I couldn't relax with someone that pops out a quip every time you have a conversation tho. Time and place etc.

Tonty · Today 00:40

@OP are you funny?

grinandslothit · Today 00:43

Sign him up for an improv class lol