AIBU to laugh at what makes a marriage seem alright?

[FlamingoFloss]

So, on the train. There are 3 men sat next to me having full on conversations (mostly about football). Particular conversation:
’nah, my marriage isn’t great but she comes and picks me up from the train when I need it so..y’know, it’s ok’

Mate: ’yeah, she’s alright then. Not that bad’

seriously?! An ‘alright’ marriage is based upon the fact the wife will pick him up when he needs a lift?

Anyway, this did make me laugh a bit and then I thought, what are the things that make you think your marriage/partnership is ‘alright’?

I watched the movie 'Is this thing on' recently with Dh and it was kind of about this, the reality of marriage. I found it very reassuring. There is a bit where someone says that you can be unhappy in a marriage but maybe that's not because of the marriage. It's normal to not be happy as an adult and it's ok for two people to feel unhappy together for a while without it really meaning anything else. Most marriages aren't great when analysed deeply at particular points.

My lovely husband is an extremely competent insect catcher, not quite Obama with the fly but very very good. I joke I'd never leave him because of this but really it's because he still makes me laugh and makes good tea. Both signs or a strong connection I think. I tell him it's the inset thing so he doesn't get too cocky

I'm with the man on the train. I know I could rely on my DH to pick me up if I needed it. Having a spouse you can rely on is a sign your marriage is alright.

I think tackling "problems" together, as a team. Us Vs Everything life throws at us is a good place to be, regardless of the issue.

Growing up I had parents who had arguments a lot. If something was broken (accidentally) like a bowl, or the dishwasher didn't work, or someone forgot to bring the coats etc, it was always a horrible atmosphere. And frankly it messed me up.

When something went "wrong" when I was first with DH, I would freeze, and expect to be shouted at. DH was very confused, why I would start shaking and apologising after breaking a glass? Or offer to run out at 10pm, apologising profusely because I forgot to buy dishwasher tablets. I couldn't break the habit despite a lot of reassurance from him that these things were not a big deal.

Bless him, DH started to blame the cats when things went wrong and I'd have a negative reaciton, just to make me laugh and snap me out of it.

It is now an in joke - "The cats have put my phone down somewhere!" I can now just laugh or roll my eyes when things go wrong. And I love him so much for showing me what it is like to be on the same team and helping to find healthy reactions to problems.

@DisforDarkChocolate what is the inset thing?

He brings me coffee every morning in bed and would do breakfast if I asked. He does all the crap chores that I hate, like emptying and putting out bins, walking the dog and even laundry. No nagging either. He is also the most thoughtful present giver I have even known, not just with me. I have lots of complaints too but he’s mostly alright.

Little nurtures to the other, cups of tea, a hug. DH bought me a bag of monster munch the other day.

a thousand tiny kindnesses make marriage work.

The number one element that makes a marriage work is kindness (I’m a couples therapist).

If you find a kind partner then you’re 90% of the way there.

'Many a true word is spoken in jest' but quickly batted away in case it gets too real, lol.

He puts the Adblue in my car and watches DS play rugby so I dont have to. He also doesnt mind that I spend a lot of money on pointless shit.

He brings me breakfast in bed, cleans the toilet, puts bins out, washes up, so I let him off all his irritating habits!

I was once moaning to my mum about dh and she said to me but at least he can fix stuff like your washing machine or fridge. He's an engineer and is very handy and I don't have broken appliances for long in my house.

If there is one cake left he’ll give it to me. If he’s doing poached eggs on toast , he’ll give me the one with the yolk unbroken. He’ll put a hot water bottle in my side of the bed .

He cuts my toenails, and I pluck his ear hair!