How to deal with people who have these views

[Sunshiiiiiiiine]

Notice it sometimes in friendships/acquaintances and with certain family members. A narrow, one-track way of seeing things and a lack of imagination.

Planning a wedding has brought a lot of this up... "You absolutely need to have xyz.. but what do you mean you're not doing X, it's your wedding! Everyone does X!" "You're not having bridesmaids??? Really??? Don't you have a big group of friends?"

Cars. "But didn't you want something newer/bigger/more modern??? Anything under Y year/price/over X mileage will be crap!!

No, because believe it or not not everyone has thousands lying around or wants to commit to expensive finance repayments, or wants an SUV, or cares about the latest tech.

Work: "So you're doing X job now?? Why did you study Y at uni then??" (With a big smirk) and 'really, you do X as a second job???' Again with a smirk.

"Oh, you're shy aren't you!! Have you always been?? Why are you shy??? Are you shy or quiet??"
Yes, because bringing it up in front of everybody is just the confidence boost I needed.

Many more examples.

I try to just stick to my guns, be polite but firm, keep doing what I want to do but it gets a bit annoying at times. It's like anything you do that's slightly different from how they live or do things must be scrutinised rather than just letting people live. Does anyone else have this?

OP, I understand frustration over a lack of imagination. I saw a news clip the other day about a woman who's married a ghost. Now she's got imagination. Can you send your frustrating friends and family round to her for a masterclass in how to expand your repertoire. Marrying a ghost could indeed be the path to blissful peace and harmony.

I had this last week with a family member and if I'm honest, I think it's at least partly because she's just not very bright.

She argued with me that neither my son or me are neurodivergent. Even though we both are. Diagnosed by professionals. She'll quite happily harp on about my strange behaviour as a young child - extreme anxiety, especially in new places or situations, rigidity around foods and drinks, meltdowns when I was forced to do something that was new to me - and call it "spoiled brat" behaviour.

She also told me that my repeated suicide attempts and self harm as a teenager/young adult were because "things didn't go my way" (referring to a relationship ending and a uni course not working out). Absolutely not possible that my mental health was in absolute tatters from years of masking undiagnosed AuDHD.

Truthfully, she only knows my son on a very superficial level but feels completely confident in dismissing pretty much everything an educational psychologist said about him in a report.

In my younger years, I'd probably have wasted energy arguing with her and trying to make her see my POV. I was quite proud of myself last week though as I just nodded along and let her talk utter shite before changing the subject at the first opportunity. As someone wiser than me once said, you can't reason with stupid.

Sounds like you're suffering from an excess of politeness @Sunshiiiiiiiine

People like this tend to be very egocentric too, I notice. Had the displeasure of encountering one recently at a rather special occasion.

Quietly avoiding as far as possible is the way to go and being conversationally as slippery as an eel is the way to go, I think. Turn the conversation back towards them, they'll love that, and make your excuses for the loo / another piece of cake / check the kids after 3 minutes

But the key here is developing a thick hide and not caring about disconcerting them ("oh why would I buy a car I didn't want?" Is a good one)

If you manage to develop the thick hide please let me know how you did it btw

Just get yourself a load of answers that aren't answers. They'll soon get fed up.

what year is your car??? "No idea"

How much was it??? "Can't remember"

What mileage??? "Why ever would you be interested in that kind of detail?"

Lets see a photo! "Do I look like the sort of person who goes around with a photo of my car? Why are you interested in all this boring stuff"

and then everyone clapped?

Only me internally.

Yawn, how dull they are. They're doing it so that they can rank themselves above you to feel better about themselves. So tedious. I wouldn't waste time thinking about them OP. It's what 5 year old do.

I know just the kind of people OP means. The poster who said this:

People asking questions about why my path in one thing led to another isn’t something that bothers me, I quite like talking about my career journey

doesn't really get what it's like trying to talk to people like this. They're not asking in an interested / curious way (the smirking is important here, I can just picture it). If you give a thoughtful answer about what led to a career change, they're not going to respectfully say "oh that's interesting, tell me more about X" It's just going to lead to another snidey attempt at a gotcha question, while they roll their eyes and snigger at their companions as if to say "are you hearing what she's going on about?" Awful people.

But they didn't ask about the make or model?!

This reminds me of a male neighbour who regularly tried to engage me in a game of oneupmanship which I never signed up for. He's also a misogynistic twat. I'd always politely batted off his intrusive questions. One day he turned up with a newer car and was strutting up and down beside it like a bloody peacock when I stepped outside.

"I've got a new car", I smiled and nodded.
"It's younger than yours."
"So it is."
"What mileage has yours done?
"75k."
"Ha 75, mine's only done 30k"
I'd had enough of this bollocks.
"Mmmm. But mine's Japanese and yours isn't. And mine has an i-VTEC engine, which yours doesn't. My car will comfortably do 150k whereas yours, well ... you'll be lucky if it's still running at 75k."
Then I went about my day. He hasn't bothered me since!