AIBU to worry my adult son is not maturing?

[Whattodo200]

On the surface DS 22 has a good life. Just graduated from a top uni starting a good city job in London, will be living at home to save.

But personally he’s not looking after himself or becoming a well rounded adult. He eats junk food (needs a dessert everyday), overweight, tired and has bad cholesterol etc. Basic things like learning to drive etc are taking much longer for him and he still keeps his room in a mess.

As far as I know he’s never dated and despite having a good group of friends I feel he could develop much more.

How do I persuade him to get a bit of a grip, look after himself, go to the gym etc. It makes me worried he’ll have a pile of cash in a few years but not much more to show for himself.

I'd just leave it, OP. Have a DS of similar age and mindset who's just told me in no uncertain terms where to go, for showing concern and interest and setting boundaries in the house/around food. He said "I've got nothing to learn from you" and refused to engage.

His life, his mistakes.

The answer is obvious, he needs to leave home and live independently. No parent can manage the life of a 20+ year old adult child.

I agree and I bet he will when is ready.

He just needs some time to adjust to the world of work, to save up some money and then he will be gone.

No adult wants to live at home forever.

Ouch! Poor lad has a good degree and job. Give him a break. He may be a bit knackered from the study and I'd imagine competition to get his city role. If he's 22 he also missed important teen experiences during covid, many kids haven't really recovered so I'd say he has masses to show actually.

So what if he hasn't dated? Maybe he has a string of lovers and shields them from your judgement...

and I still can't drive at 44 but am a highly successful human.

My 22 yr old DS is same. They will find their way x

About the only things you can usefully do are around the edges - his life is his not yours to manage.

• You could make sure there's a stocked fruit bowl / fruit in the fridge and wholemeal bread for toast.

• You could make sure there's acceptable-to-him breakfast food around, including reasonable options for him to take and eat on the journey if he doesn't normally eat breakfast before leaving.

*Nice insulated travel mugs are good - he might appreciate being able to take tea/coffee with him for the journey.

*You could use a cholesterol lowering margarine routinely (high cholesterol is pretty genetic)

*You could offer to make him a packed lunch to take to work as you make your own. Think about including higher fat / protein snacks like nuts. Lunch needs to be filling and interesting.

*You could offer to cook dinner on the days you're at home first. Make sure the meal is substantial enough to be filling rather than anything very low fat /low protein. If there are days he's at home first maybe he cooks for everyone then.

Driving lessons may best be suspended for a couple of months whilst he gets to grips with his new job - it's hard learning two new things at once. You might be able to help by accompanying him as he practices if you have a suitable car / affordable insurance.

Other than that let him get on with it.

Sounds a lot like our DS. He's a bit older, but can't drive (had lessons, was test ready then covid happened and put him back, his instructor left and trying to get a new one and a test date was a lot and he decided not to bother any more (possibly for the best as, although he's exceptionally academically bright, he has no common sense!). When he lived at home, he spent 99% of his time in his very small bedroom - working, gaming, chatting to mates, eating. He has since moved out and bought a house, but he orders takeaway several times a week (despite being a good cook). He hardly goes out and is overweight. He knows exactly what he needs to do, but can't be bothered. Has never had a girlfriend (or boyfriend although I'm pretty sure that's not his thing). He's a lovely, polite, funny, witty young man. He works hard and has been doing professional qualifications alongside full time work, but I do wish he'd sort himself out personally! Don't know what the answer is op. (He's not depressed, may well be on the spectrum though).