AIBU to back granddaughter wanting sole use of holiday flat?

[Ilikesundays]

We own a holiday flat abroad. My granddaughter aged 20 has asked if she can stay there for the whole of September while she does a course locally. Her male cousin, 28, who lives in the same country but in another town, wants to stay the odd weekend there too - there are 3 bedrooms. She feels uncomfortable having him there while she’s there and suggested he might invite friends in (he has done so before). I’m on her side but his mother (my dd) has rung me furiously to protest to say it’s not fair and why can’t they share the flat? I’ve told him no, but I’m now keeping out of it and told my dd they’re old enough to sort it out between them. The grandson is a bit of a bully to be honest as well.
AIBU - should I tell her they should share?
AIBNU - she has the right to single occupancy.

I don't think you're being fair at all in letting your young 20 year old granddaughter fend for herself against a 28 year old pushy man. Yeah, he's your grandson, but you admit yourself that he's insistent and a bully (sounds like he's got it from his mother). I think it's absolutely on you to decide who stays in the flat - it's your flat after all.

If your grandson brings his friends over against your wishes, that's even more reason to tell him he can't use the flat. He's a guest, if he can't respect the rules, he doesn't get to stay. End of.

Stand up for your granddaughter. it's your holiday flat and you've said she can use it that week.

Your grandson isn't being deprived; he has plenty of opportunities, thanks to you, to use the flat himself with his friends. It's your granddaughter's turn and he needs to respect that. Tell him if he continues to argue, or go to his mother over it, he won't be allowed the use of it for quite some time as you won't tolerate ungrateful bullies.

I agree you should stand up for your dgd. She is only 20. Your dgs can stay there another time.

Tell your daughter that your granddaughter has PAID for sole occupancy to study. she doesn’t need to know that it’s a lie or any amount paid. It could be a token amount for all she knows. She has no right to know the amount. She just needs to know that you two had a contract that cannot be broken.

Its your flat so it is up to you.

She has it for September, he can have it when she’s vacated. If your DD kicks off tell her she can pay for an Airbnb for her son until the end of Sept. Your DGD will be a lone female abroad and you don’t want anyone else having a key to it for that time.

Grandaughter has a course so assuming she can't choose a different date. Also she asked first.

Grandson can wait until the flat is available for him to use. End of conversation.

As you said, the Grandkids are adults so your daughter should just keep herself out of it. It's not her flat or her decision to make.

She has the right to feel safe and is telling you that hisbinviting friends over makes her feel unsafe. You say no to him and don’t put her at risk.

You own the flat so you decide who stays and for how long. Not your DD or your grandson.

Your granddaughter asked for the use of it for all of September. You said yes. It's reasonable to assume that both she and you meant the sole use of it. You would be rude if you changed the terms of your agreement now.

Your grandson should have made his plans further in advance before it became booked for September. It's a good lesson for him in forward thinking and planning. Presumably if he asked to use the flat when it wasn't occupied later in the year, you'd agree?

Don't stay out of it. That's confusing for everyone.

Why are you staying out of it?
You own it??

It would be different if DD was staying there for months but she’s staying there for 1 month only.

Her cousin is able to use it at any other time.

Why are you letting people walk all over you.

Don't stay out of it, that won't help matters. Stand firm, GD booked it first. It's a luxury to have such accommodation within a family, not an entitlement. He's missed out this time. He'll have to make other arrangements. Dont make your young GD go up against her cousin AND her aunt (I assume) just back her up, it's booked. End of.

I’ve said no to him and he’s protested to his mother (who lives here) who is bombarding me with indignant messages (“unfair” ,”shes spoilt” etc) I’m pleased that most of you support my stance. I shall stay firm!

I meant my dd should stay out of it.

A 28 year old man getting his mum to fight his battles and she’s the spoilt one?

YABU for staying out of it. You need to tell him clearly that your GD is staying there alone because she’s not comfortable with him inviting his friends over when she’s there.

Surely your DD can see why a 20 year old girl would be intimidated by a group of strange older men in her accommodation??

Absolutely not.
Your sister and her bratty child sound awful.

Well done OP!!

Your DD and her son should be incredibly grateful that they can ever stay at your holiday home!

Neither of them get to dictate to you (the owner!!!) who gets to stay there and when.

Tell them if they keep up with that attitude then neither of them will be staying there ever again.

Sorry OP but your DD sounds incredibly spoilt and entitled and she’s now taught her son to be the same.