Genuine mistake or guilt invitation?

[TrueBlueILoveYou]

I work in a very sociable office where a lot of us hang out after work. Amongst the friends I've made through the job are a few genuinely close ones, who I'd see at weekends and would definitely keep in touch with if either of us left.

Case in point - my friend Lesley, who I no longer work with, messaged me yesterday asking if there was any chance she could stay over at my house next week after our colleague Jane's housewarming, as she lives quite a way away. Just one problem - this was the first I'd heard of the party.

I wasn't really offended - I like and get on with Jane and would call her a friend, but she's not a close friend. Lesley worked more directly with her, so I wasn't really surprised she got invited when I didn't. Nevertheless, I felt a bit foolish, so rather than saying I hadn't been invited, I just replied that I wasn't sure yet if I was going and I'd confirm in the week.

Anyway, this morning I've had an invitation on Facebook to the party (an event page, not a personal message). In the event info, it says "I don't know what happened, but it looks like some people didn't get the invite the first time I sent it. Sorry about that - hope you can make it!"

Now this could be genuine, and it's pure coincidence that Jane has sent the update today. But I'm concerned that Lesley somehow twigged and has messaged Jane saying "Shit, I think I dropped you in it with TrueBlue" or similar - and Jane's come up with the "missing invitation" story to cover it.

What do I do? Do I assume good faith and go? Or is it a guilt/pity invitation that I should politely turn down? On one hand, I could be being paranoid; it's not like Lesley actually saw my reaction, so my face couldn't have given me away. But on the other, it seems like quite the coincidence that I got the invitation today.

YANBU - Stop worrying and go and enjoy yourself.
YABU - It's a guilt invitation - don't go.

You have made it weird by not responding to Lesley with the truth. When she asked to stay I would have said 'sorry I haven't heard about a housewarming party, perhaps Jane is keeping it small. Hope you have a good evening'.

Anyway you now have an invite, for me if I didn't have plans then I would go.

Assume good faith and go

I expect OP felt embarrassed that she hadnt been invited and didnt want to explain that to Lesley and make it all awkward. A similar thing happened to me a few years ago I worked in a very small office of a charity with about 15 paid staff, one of the staff who (although we were not particularly matey) I generally got on with, I found had invited everybody else in the office to her wedding except me, and I found out in a similar way to the OP because one of my colleagues who I got on with very well asked, if she could get a lift with me and I had to reveal that I hadn’t had the invitation, which made her feel embarrassed and we were both very, very awkward about the whole thing.

Incredibly weird to pretend you’d been invited. Like really really strange behaviour

You weren't invited, you are now needed as a free AirBNB so Lesley can go.

I would make myself busy that weekend!

This.
Totally depends on whether you actually want to go
X

You will never know because you were so ambiguous in your reply. If you had said you hadn't had an invitation it might seem more than a coincidence. Either way, it's very easy to forget some names if you're contacting a lot of people, not because you don't like them but because they slipped your mind at the time - organising a party is quite stressful. But I doubt Jane would have put that message up on an event page just for you.

I agree that I would just go if I wanted to go and wouldn’t go if I didn’t want to go. I might have felt self conscious in the past but I’m getting too old to care about that stuff. Might just mean you get to know Jane a bit more!

It’s weird to say you’re not sure if you’re going to an event you haven’t been invited to. Surely you realise Lesley is likeLy to say to Jane, I’m hoping to stay at true blues if she decides to come. Which leaves Jane wondering why true blue is thinking of coming to an event she’s not invited to .
The invite is either coincidence or Jane is trying to smooth over an awkward situation. Either way if I was free I would go if I wanted to.

I think stop measuring your self-worth by the social invitations you receive.

@TrueBlueILoveYou
I agree, your reply to Lesley was not odd at all. It was actually a very good reply.

At the time it genuinely could have been an oversight, hence you weren’t sure if you were going or not.

People on here sometimes read things how they want to read them.

Personally I would take it on face value and go.

I wouldn’t overthink it. You probably were not invited as it’s a numbers thing - unless they bought castle. Lesley is closer to Jane. If I was Lesley I would have checked with jane before asking myself to stay thought in case it wasn’t a larger invite!

in any event, I would go and catch up with folk and not worry too much

It definitely wasn't a mistake. No big deal really though not to be invited. But you were definitely an afterthought invitation, either because she felt bad about not inviting you at all or thought better of it.

If you want to go, go. I wouldn't bother, but I'm not really an afterthought invitation person :)

I wouldn't worry too much about what tier of invite you fall into. Do you want to go and your friend to stay over or not is the only question.

I understand why you replied the way you did @TrueBlueILoveYou it's hard to admit a lack of invite like that.

You'll never likely know the truth so with the choices you do have which feels better? To decline b/c you possibly are a guilt invite, or to go knowing you'll never know the truth and make the best of it? The former may make you feel worse. I'd try to be breezy about it, pick up a card and little gift and have a great time.

I'm afraid you're the incredibly weird one. Such an over the top reaction isn't normal. You're acting like I've faked my own death!

Another barmy reply. I don't "measure my self-worth" over invitations. It was just an embarrassing situation!

I would have said something like “oh I didn’t know she was having a party?” And left it at that. I’d take Jane’s belated invite at face value and just go, it does sound pretty genuine.

I always err on the side of cock-up not conspiracy. Overthinking? That way madness lies.

If you think it will be a nice opportunity to catch up with Lesley (even if Jane isn't your bestie) then I would tick a 'yes' for attending.

I was invited to something recently, I'm sure in part because I'd offered to host some out-of-towners. Went, had a great time. Thanked the host. See her around, always have a friendly chat. All good.

Do you like her? I couldn’t be bothered to be honest

You wrote 6 paragraphs about a Facebook invitation. And I'm the barmy one?