Was this compliment to waiter flirting

[Plode]

Husband and I (late 20s) were on holiday having dinner last week The waiter looked identical to Neymar. I’m not a massive football fan but I know Neymar. Anyway I mentioned this to the waiter. He was pleased with the comparison. I wasn’t trying to flirt in the slightest. The resemblance was truly uncanny. In my mind Neymar is not particularly attractive so to me it wasn’t a compliment more just an observation. I wouldn’t have mentioned the similarity if the resemblance was with someone universally considered attractive ie Idris Elba/Henry Cavill (no offence to Neymar). But husband was annoyed. Which has annoyed me cause it was totally innocent. I personally think husband is way better looking than Neymar. Not that that matters. I don’t like being policed like this.

Was I in the wrong

Actually title shouldn’t say compliment as I wasn’t trying to do that. Merely state an observation

Absolutely not. If it had been a female serving you and she looked remarkably like someone in the public eye would you have said similar? I suspect you would.

Is this a one off kind of thing or is he always like this?

Your husband sounds insecure and controlling. I would not be happy with his reaction at all. Of course it’s not flirting, just being friendly and stating an observation. Don’t let him police you like that

You were stating a fact.

An ex of mine looks a lot like someone famous and I told him so. Absolutely not flirting. I was stating a fact as its quite funny when two people can look so alike.

Your DH's response is way over the top. Why would it register with him as flirtatious rather than just part of a pleasant interaction which often happens with friendly waiting staff?

Your husband sounds deranged, and I'd be willing to bet this isn't the first and only example of him being jealous and controlling.

I could be in a restaurant and comment that the waiter looked like Harry Styles/whichever celeb I currently fancy and my DH wouldn't bat an eye.

I think even if you did mean it as a compliment it's OK. It's fine to make people feel good. It's not flirting to compliment someone.

I don't think the 'just an observation' argument rings true as you wouldn't have said it if it was really neutral and potentially the waiter may have taken it badly. It was meant as a compliment but not flirting, and that's OK.

Your husband sounds a bit mean spirited and controlling, which usually comes from insecurity. I wouldn't apologise but neither would I have a go at your DH as that's not going to make him more secure. Just reiterate you weren't flirting and if he doesn't want to believe you, that's his problem.

Yes if it were a woman with an uncanny resemblance to someone famous I would have shared the observation. I get told I look like Nigella Lawson fairly often. Both men and women say it. Never assume it’s a come on

I wouldn't have said it. It's not a compliment to be continually told you look like x,y,z.

It is potentially controlling behaviour from your husband.

Just to note not everyone appreciates comments about their appearance when they’re working.

H sounds a bit insecure but that doesn't mean he's controlling in other ways, so that is a bit of a leap to assume controlling and that seems to be popular on MN recently.
Unless OP comes back to say he is a bit of a twat and polices her in other ways, but if that was the case set it out to start with and not drip feed.

I bloody hope not!

DDs boyfriend apparently bears a startling resemblance to a well known cricketer (if you're into cricket). The only people that have commented on it so far have been middle aged men 🤣.

Your DH is being a pillock.

You're married, not blind. Of course you weren't wrong, or flirting. DH needs to get a grip.

Deranged😆Look up the definition of the word, that might be helpful.

It’s his age OP. My husband was like this in his 20s. Couldn’t care less what I do now.

Husband has a fragile ego, unfortunately many men are like this.

That’s weird and controlling. There is a general shop over the road from my house. DH went the other day and came back and said the guy working there had on loads of cologne - just an observation. I laughed and said I was in last week and said he smelt lovely, he was made up so I said he have been spraying it everywhere. We laughed.

That was it. I was accused of flirting with him.

Seems about right to me?

Your husband is being silly, you meant well. In the past, when people had manners, it was considered rude to mention such similarity to their faces (people discussed it behind their backs, but not to their faces), the reason is that they are not inanimate objects and neither are they horses, dogs, etc. It has to do with respect. Imagine you are a major in the army and meet your general for the first time - would you say 'gosh, you look just like my uncle John'? I don't know when it became acceptable (but it unfortunately did become acceptable) to speak to waiters like that.

Okay, if you say so. My grandmother was described as medically deranged she murdered my grandfather. 'Insane at time of the murder' so you can understand why I'm meh at the deranged expression.

I'm sorry about your grandmother. Lots of people use the word deranged in much softer contexts, but you're right it shouldn't be used as hyperbole.

I assume you mean you weren't accused! As your dh is a normal human being

It was after the war and she flipped after he was demobbed and returned home. MH /insanity issues run in my family I am medically diagnosed as a psychopath so think differently from most people things wind me up a lot quicker as a result.

You're right to call it out, I don't like people using the word 'insane' for similar reasons- my apologies.

You're okay, we're good.🙂