AIBU to stop cooking for my in-laws after their rude behaviour?

[ChefNoMore]

AIBU to say I am not cooking for my in-laws anymore?

Lots of back story with in-laws being rude to me, but this really pissed me off, was the straw that broke the camels back.

We seem to always end up hosting everyone at our house for Easter, Christmas etc. Although not always on the main day because PIL usually get a better offer from her SiL or her own sister and her DH.

Last Sunday we had a lunch at our house. I’m not sure what the latest thing is that I’ve done, as no one will ever tell me, but my PIL and SIL all refused to eat anything I’d prepared. They brought a few dishes themselves, asked what my DH had made and stuck to that. You may think I’m being paranoid but I’m not. This is the kind of games they play.

Usually when MIL and FIL come alone they are happy to eat whatever with my FIL actually telling me that I’m a great cook.

I just found this really utterly rude and I am done. I put so much effort into cleaning the house, shopping, planning and cooking dishes (I made fresh bread, side dishes and 2 desserts) and they ate none of it. They even asked who made what.

My DH fully admits that his family like to play politics but I’ve had enough of being one of the main villains.

It’s nearly that time when Christmas is discussed and who is doing what and when. I’m just not doing it. I’m not having any of them over at all. If DH wants to see them he can go and meet them in a restaurant.

I’ve been so stupid putting up with this crap but I’m done.

😆

His family, his problem.
Keep your head held up high and live how you want to live. Life is too short for any numpties, it's especially too short to cook for them ever again.

I agree! Very funny - and I think would be true for many families up and down the country if it were left to the men only!

They’re not just rude OP, they sound unhinged. You made fresh bread and they wouldn’t touch it?! That wouldn’t have lasted 5 mins with my family! You sound like a wonderful host and it’s clearly wasted on them.

That sounds nice but they are not coming. I’m not being pissed off on Christmas Day because they are disrespectful to me.

I mean, come on. Who the hell goes round to someone’s house, who clearly has made a lot of effort, and refuses to eat the food?

Who is that friggin rude? I am so so so sick of their games. It’s like as if they make a plan before they come over, and all agree how they are going to collectively act. I know this because I’ve seen them do it to other people too.

Luckily my 3 DC love my food. They were in the kitchen saying “great, more for us”. They also noticed and think it’s rude.

Glad you've made the decision OP.

Maybe you and DH can go to a hotel for Xmas Dinner ?

🙂

"He would never pull them up as he doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of their wrath. I’m happy to fall out with them all and never speak to them again."

Well you summed that family dynamic up in a nutshell @ChefNoMore
They have decided s he's related, they will go for you, in their eyes the outsider. Your DH is keeping his head down, out of the firing line.

He won't say anything to them and pretends that he can't see how they treat you because if he did stand up for you, he would be back in the firing line again and he's been so relieved to be out of it for a few years.

Don't believe the
"Well I didn't see anything wrong with what they were saying to you."
or "You must stop imagining things, "
or "You are just too over sensitive"
Or the classic "I don't know why you keep having problems with them, they are fine with me." and finally "Why can't you just let it go?"

He is not going to stand up for you. The only reason I have any sympathy with his cowardice is that he has had to live with this as a child and that must have been miserable. Is he the least favoured child by any chance? His parents are literally driving a wedge between you and your DH. Why on earth would a loving parent do that?

So I'm glad for your sake that you have decided to stand up for yourself. This is your time and your life that they are ruining. You don't want to look back and think of Christmas as a misery.

Do what I did one year. Take yourself off to a hotel. Check in as soon as you can. Then put your feet up and have a lovely evening.

Let your DH deal with everything for them from now on. Gifts, cards, phone calls etc.
It's a win. 🏆 No hosting them, let him visit them alone.

Not The Towering Inferno, but Die Hard, the ultimate Christmas film and the true spirit of Christmas.

When opportunity presents just state you havent brought or made anything as no one eats it

And watch the wonderful Alan Rickman, much missed.

Indeed

Yes Duckbilled, he is the least favourite DC.

You are right that he literally sees nothing they do, but will openly agree that his family is riddled with politics, they play games, chase drama and are an ongoing soap opera. He finds them exasperating.

I thought we were in an OK place with them because DH and I don’t engage with and stay out of the dramas. For the past few years I have had an OK relationship with MIL because we did fall out after she was rude to me and my DH did tell her that I’m not like the women in his family who fall out with each other, then are best mates a week later. I would just step away and not speak to her again. After this she was a lot better.

So, not sure what’s changed. I think it’s my SILs influence as she hates my guts for some reason.

I’m older and even less tolerant now. I’m just not putting up with petty games.

You’re absolutely right in your decision. Now relax and look forward to an In-Law free Christmas. Make sure you enjoy it though and don’t waste it feeling guilty. Remember this is the consequence of their appalling actions. They made their bed, so lie in it!

He's as weak as piss not standing up to them.
You're bang on with that behaviour they wouldn't get time to knock on the door before being told "no you're not welcome here" please leave.

Yep, never have them at your house again, that will solve it. Fight fire with fire, it’s the only way. If DH wont acknowledge it that’s his choice, just stay firm with what you know to be true. You know what happened, they snubbed you by not eating food you prepared, your kids noticed it too. Tell him you’ve never been so insulted and you will never cater for them again, not even a cup of tea.

Unless your surname is Borgia and you have form for poisoning family members their behaviour is weird nasty and incredibly rude. Sod them! Never host them again.

How can you respect your husband when he just accepts this sort of behaviour? What is it teaching your children?

Of course you shouldn't host those bastards again - any of them.

Doesn't wrath =the silent treatment?
Sounds like a bloody win !

Sit him down and enlighten him.

Ah! Memories if the look of shock when I cooked for my MIL for the first time. Gorgeous meal of poached salmon, multiple salads, sides, roasted asparagus, appetizers, two desserts. She was not happy because I had not bought her some weird soda she drank instead of wine.