To not go on this outing?

[Spooll]

BF thinks I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face.

I belong to a running club. The are two in our town, and supposedly we have a friendly rivalry, but some members take it a bit far and it doesn't always feel friendly.

BF is a newer runner than me and has belonged to club 1 for four years and also to club 2 for three years. Several members do belong to both.

I have been a member of club 2 for 20 years and during that time there have been periods of downright nastiness both between individuals and between the clubs.

Generally, membership of the club is a positive thing in my life, but as a long term, high profile member, previously committee member there have been rough patches. Four people now at club 1 positively hate me. I kind of know why but I don't understand why their feelings are as strong otmling lasting as they are, but as they left I don't need to let that affect me anymore.

In addition, another former member of our club, now at club 1 delights in any opportunity to point out what he sees as shortcomings at out club. He stirs up trouble over matters that really don't affect him and will take every opportunity to have a dig.

Day to day none of this has any impact on me because I have nothing to do with them.

Club 1 is organising a coach trip to an event. The event is something I would enjoy, but I have no desire to be stuck on a coach with 4 people who hate me, one who will take every opportunity to have a dig at the club I love and several who will find that funny.

BF wants to go and would like me to go too. I've said he should go and enjoy it but there's no way on earth I'm going. AIBU?

I did explain what it was about, to the best of my knowledge, earlier in the thread.

Why give them such air time and and headspace?

If someone is a twat, just ingore them or cut it off "This again? Colin", "4 years later, we should all move on", "Life's too short" etc

I don't give them any headspace, it's just that BF has asked me to go and I don't want to.

I'd love to say life's too short (it is) but that doesn't change how they behave towards me ,and it's not fun being at an event where people will turn your back on you or try to convince others to exclude you.

Headphones !

I’m pleased for you if you’ve never experienced this dynamic.
Someone took against me and told everyone they came across how awful I was. I literally had people saying, ‘Oh, are you that Popcorn?! I’d never have realised!’. Small village life.

I think you have to tell BF he’s seriously underestimated the situation if he thinks it’s a good idea.

Yes, that's why I feel so uncomfortable with the club as a whole. I know everyone has heard what I'm supposed to have done and whilst I'm sure a good nunber take it with a pinch of salt, realising what troublemakers the 4 can be, others enjoy being part of the crowd with them.

Wouldn't it be very rude to join their club event and sit in headphones?

Yes, I have. He wasn't around for the "thing" and doesn't feel an attachment to the club like I do, but I think he gets it now.

I have made it clear he is entirely free to go if he'd like to but he's not going to.

Not sat on the coach no I don’t think it’s rude at all

I don’t think many people have had this experience. I have. Collecting from the school gate when there are people actively agitating against you is hard going. I used to feel hot and cold in turns!
Two kind women separately took opportunities to tell me the woman in question could fall out with her own shadow, and I wasn’t to worry! Bless them.

Don’t subject yourself to that OP.
Don’t make yourself endure it. Let your BF go alone, make sure he has your back - if any comments arise, have his answers ready - “you do know that is completely untrue, it was lies, the people who have said this should be ashamed, you would be interested to know the truth….

Some people revel in this behaviour. Grew up in a village so have seen it! Never had it aimed at me (touch wood) but have seen it happen to
nice normal people.

It’s not your club and if your presence will cause any more drama then no.

“JuliettaCaeser · Today 18:06
Some people revel in this behaviour. Grew up in a village so have seen it! Never had it aimed at me (touch wood) but have seen it happen to nice normal people.”

Totally this. Some people seem to need this kind of drama to thrive, usually because they have too much time on their hands and live small, boring lives.

Don’t go, avoid the drama! Where’s the pleasure of being stuck on a bus with people that hate (strong word!) you? Why do they hate you BTW??

And I thought running was supposed to be good for your mental health?!!

Omg! You know NOTHING 😂😂

The dramas that come out of running clubs are second only to cycling clubs.

Bf only wants you to go so he doesn't have to justify why you aren't going.

Find an new club would be my thoughts.

Sounds like BF was being naive about thinking it would be in any way fun for you but has now seen the light. Hopefully he’s a keeper 🫰🏼