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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would it be odd to send my number in a nursery card?

33 replies

Disintegration1985 · 20/08/2026 13:35

My DD is 4 and her last day at nursery is tomorrow - she starts school in a couple of weeks. She’s had the same best friend since she started nursery at 18 months - they’re two peas in a pod. Nursery staff tell me all the time how close they are - they make a beeline for each other every morning and they play together all day every day.

DD and friend have never met outside of nursery. For context, I’m ND and quite introverted and am not great at striking up conversation with strangers. I do attempt to be friendly to friend’s mum in passing at drop off/pick up time (a smile and a quick ‘hi’) but I always get the impression friend’s mum isn’t interested. She rarely acknowledges me (she sometimes says hi to DD but not me), and generally she doesn’t seem to participate in anything outside of nursery - doesn’t RSVP or attend any birthday parties (even DD’s) and from what I can tell, none of the other mums have much to do with her either (I do meet up with a couple of other mums and their kids - all of them approached me first for my number).

However, DD and her friend are going to different schools in September. DD is obviously very sad that she won’t be with her friend and that she will likely not see them anymore. She’s asked me a few times if I can speak to their mum and arrange a playdate like I do with some of her other friends. I’ve not made her any promises - mainly because I don’t think friend’s mum will want to, and I also want to avoid an awkward situation at pick up where I ask her and she says no.

But DD has asked to write some cards to some of her friends before she leaves on Friday - just ‘thank you for being my friend/I’ll miss you’ type thing. Obviously this friend is top of her list for a card, and I thought about popping a note in theirs to say ‘I know DD would love to stay in contact with [friend’s name] after they start school - here’s my number if you ever fancy getting them together’.

Is that potentially a bit weird/overstepping? I just thought that way, friend’s mum wouldn’t feel put on the spot face-to-face and she’d be free to ignore it if she wants. But equally as we’ve never really spoken I don’t want to come across as creepy.

I’m probably overthinking the whole thing - and I know DD will make new friends at school in no time. I think I’m just a bit sensitive to the fact that she’s literally the only one from her class going to her school so she won’t know anyone in her class. I think I’d just like to know that at the very least I’ve done what I can to help her keep hold of a valuable friendship.

OP posts:
YosoyEduardo · 20/08/2026 13:36

Do it but given what you said don't hold too much hope to hear anything.

Moonnstarz · 20/08/2026 13:37

Yes this is fine to do. Though as per the poster above I doubt you will hear from them sadly.

LordEmsworth · 20/08/2026 13:39

You're overthinking.

I heard a comedian talking about the song which goes hey I just met you, this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe. He pointed out that giving someone your number if you want them to call you is not in fact crazy, it is actually very sane and logical. Only he expressed it in a more amusing way than I have 😆

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 13:39

The woman just sounds very busy!!

I would not bother as both are going to different schools. Same school? Absolutely. Different? no point

12234m · 20/08/2026 13:41

If you feel this way why haven't you don't more to facilitate your child's friendship now? If you struggle with socialising what is different now?

redskyAtNigh · 20/08/2026 13:42

It's fine to do but I wouldn't expect anything of it. Even if you do set up a playdate, it's highly unlikely that you will manage to sustain the friendship when you don't already have one with the other parent, the children don't currently have one outside nursery, and they will both soon be more focussed on new school mates.

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 13:42

18 months of being besties and not one play date?

AmbersCat · 20/08/2026 13:45

I think you should have tried sooner, they are going to different schools now, move on.

Bollihobs · 20/08/2026 13:51

AmbersCat · 20/08/2026 13:45

I think you should have tried sooner, they are going to different schools now, move on.

It's the OP's DD that wants to continue the friendship - and she's 4.....you're saying "move on" to a 4 year old.

AmbersCat · 20/08/2026 13:53

Even better, they move on very quick

Favouritefruits · 20/08/2026 13:53

I honestly would bother, it’s going to fizzle out if they aren’t going to the same school anyway. Three weeks after starting school she will have forgotten all about this little girl and will have made new friends.

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 13:55

Bollihobs · 20/08/2026 13:51

It's the OP's DD that wants to continue the friendship - and she's 4.....you're saying "move on" to a 4 year old.

The Op hasn’t set anything up for the past 18 months so…. It seems odd to suddenly do a 180 just as your daughter will be starting school and meeting dozens of new people

ShrinkyDinkyPetal · 20/08/2026 13:55

Fine to do but I'd have low expectations of her, school is so busy and birthday parties are constant, we didn't have a second to keep up with nursery friends. Even ones who we'd had play dates and swapped numbers already, nothing personal theres just a lot going on.

MandemChickenShop · 20/08/2026 14:16

nothing wrong with it, but waste of time
she'll have a bunch on new friends in a fortnights time

Besidemyselfwithworry · 20/08/2026 14:36

I mean - nothing ventured nothing gained!!! But from previous experience she’s unlikely to respond
kids are fickle tho - she’ll soon move on and find a new little bestie and if they’re not going to the same school it’s unlikely their paths will cross again unless it’s at brownies or some sort of club held locally and if they become friends from there you could maybe try again.

Not RSVP’ing parties is rude tho - however I had one situation years ago with my eldest son when I invited a boy to his party -
no reply and I saw the mum at the gate and collared her as I needed to know numbers and she said to me she’s not meant to “mix” with the others and her son can’t socialise or eat with other kids either as they are Plymouth Brethren so she can’t ever accept an invite to a play date or a party but she said she hoped my son had a nice birthday. She found it really difficult to tell me and was clearly very stressed by the whole thing and said please don’t tell anyone she’s had this conversation as she didn’t want it getting back to the rest of her community - I said to her she’s could have text me back and said he can’t make it and she said she wouldn’t be “allowed” to do that her husband wouldn’t be happy…….
maybe it’s the same for this lady?

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 14:37

The mother hasn’t even RSVP-ed to party invites! (Presumably your number was on the invite?)? So I’d presume no point

mindutopia · 20/08/2026 15:12

It’s a perfectly normal thing to do, but you’d be better off approaching the mum and exchanging numbers that way you can be in control of reaching out. Cards are likely to get lost or opened only by the child.

whippersnapper55 · 20/08/2026 17:04

I think much better to approach her in person - if you see her at pick up, it's perfectly natural to speak to her and ask if you can exchange numbers as it would be nice to get the girls together! You might end up making a new friend too!

Disintegration1985 · 20/08/2026 17:12

Ooof. A range of responses.

I wouldn’t be expecting a complete turnaround from her - like I said, it doesn’t seem she’d be interested but since I’ve never actually tried I just wondered if it was worth a shot. But on reflection, maybe I should just take the hint and drop it!

As for why now/why no play dates before - we only started having play dates with nursery friends in the last couple of months. Like I said, I’m not great at making the first move and I assumed it probably wasn’t a done thing. Everyone’s so busy at drop off and pick up and there’s not much standing around making small talk really, which is fine. It’s only because one mum approached me and we swapped numbers, then through her I met up with a couple of other mums.

I guess that and DD’s impending anxiety about school and being separated from friends that’s just prompted me to wonder if it was worth making a proper attempt with this friend. I suppose I feel a bit guilty for not trying to facilitate things earlier, but that’s on me.

OP posts:
Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 17:13

But you have tried
you invited to birthday parties
and she didn’t even rsvp
presumably you provided your number on the invite?

Disintegration1985 · 20/08/2026 17:17

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 17:13

But you have tried
you invited to birthday parties
and she didn’t even rsvp
presumably you provided your number on the invite?

One invitation to one party, but yes my number was on there so it’s a good point.

OP posts:
Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 17:23

Disintegration1985 · 20/08/2026 17:17

One invitation to one party, but yes my number was on there so it’s a good point.

So there we have it
she does have your number
and didn’t even bother to rsvp to a party

so…. No point in doing this

5128gap · 20/08/2026 17:53

Crumbylentil · 20/08/2026 13:55

The Op hasn’t set anything up for the past 18 months so…. It seems odd to suddenly do a 180 just as your daughter will be starting school and meeting dozens of new people

Not really. The girls play together every day at nursery so there had been no need for play dates until now.
I think its fine OP. Not a single reason not to do it. I probably wouldn't tell DD though to avoid disappointment.

LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers · 20/08/2026 17:54

Disintegration1985 · 20/08/2026 17:17

One invitation to one party, but yes my number was on there so it’s a good point.

I would still add your number in, just so you know you tried your best for your daughter. It only takes a few seconds of your time, but as pp have said, don't do it expecting a reply!

Although you never know, the other DD may be lonely before school starts and her Mum might rethink not arranging play dates. While they're at nursery it's probably not been an issue because she sees friends there.

Superscientist · 20/08/2026 18:09

I have an anxious child who went to a different school to most of her nursery friends.
I don't think you should message regarding a playdate. I think you risk heightening her anxiety about going to school and not having her friend there. My daughter coped ok at school during the first few weeks but midway through the first term she went a child from her class that did go to her nursery had a birthday party and her close friend from nursery was there. They were so sweet together but after that she got really upset about not being a school with this child and wanted to move schools. I was going to arrange a playdate with them for the next school holiday but decided it wasn't in her best interest to keep them dropping in and out of her life.

One of the mums from her school however arranged some playdates in the park, just a drop in and say hi thing. She's been close friends with some of the children she met there and she's entering year 2 in September. It was also good for me as it meant there were friendly faces in the playground for me too. I didn't know anyone in my village before as we had only been there 2 years and she went to nursery in the next village and I worked in the nearby city. I don't make friends easily so it really helped. I now have 3 close friends who I see without children and my daughter has 3 close friends and has another 10+ that cycle in and out

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