Was my teacher's behaviour inappropriate, or just typical for the late 1990s?

[WhatTheHellsGoingOn]

Not sure if this is the right topic but felt weird putting in ‘relationships’.

When I was taking GCSES 25+ years ago I had a male teacher who acted strangely with me and I realised there may have been something beyond just oddness going on.

Neither of these scenarios would fly now due to current protocol and safeguarding but I wondered if it was him acting in a weird way, or in an inappropriate way.

Two situations sprang to mind last night - one where he asked me to stay behind /come see him at lunchtime and he proceeded to stare at me intently and say nothing when we were alone. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I’m not sure whether it was designed to illicit a confession or something, but I actually asked if there was something on my face bc of the way he was scrutinising me. He told me he’d noticed I’d missed several of his classes recently and wanted to know why. I explained that I’d been on several school trips with my other classes, and that quite a few other people in that same class had been there with me for some, if not all of them. I was puzzled and annoyed that I’d been singled out and I wasn’t sure he believed me, but there was no further discussion.

Another occasion was before taking mock exams - he’d told my mum he was concerned that I’d missed some work due to illness and offered to see me at the wknd/during half term at school to go over things with me. My mum thought it was kind of him to offer and took me - met him briefly to drop me off, then I went in and had a 1:1 ‘lesson’(?) which I don’t recall many of the details of I’m annoyed to say. I don’t remember him acting inappropriately but it was just the two of us, unsupervised largely, though I think there was a member of staff floating around, catching up with work.

He may well have done this for other students but I never heard it mentioned, and the older I get the more bizarre I think it was. For context, I was a shy, self-conscious 15-16 year old and he was a largely stern and serious early-to-mid 30’s year old.

I felt singled out on several other occasions but these were the main ones that stick in my memory.

Was it odd, or not for the time? (Late 90’s)

Are you trying to say you are reassessing him as NeuroDiverse?

Why would you think it a possibility?!

He singled you out and made you feel uncomfortable - that is not the actions of a kind helpful teacher

You knew something wasn't right but unable to describe what wasn't right

That does not happen when someone is being kind and genuine

Predatory teachers had a much easier time to groom students than they do now and we were not raised to question an adult in a position of authority. Thankfully we discuss boundaries a lot more openly now

I was at secondary in the mid-late 00s. Had a chat with my best friend a few weeks ago about dodgy teachers. One was openly gay and added our friend who was also gay on MSN in year 8. No idea what they talked about but I do know this would not be allowed now (and probably wasn’t then tbh…)

A female PE teacher who taught there for decades and was very large and masculine (my mum said trans for sure but we had no proof) used to request some girls shower after PE and would watch… I weirdly met someone through work a couple of years ago and it transpired she also went to this school some 15 years prior to me, the first thing she mentioned was this teacher definitely being a paedo!

I had a very young science teacher in year 8 who would look up my skirt. I went through a phase of wearing a mini skirt to school with no tights and because we were on the high stools and I was front row, he’d look and it was obvious. He also brought his guitar in once to sing “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt which was fucking weird and he kept looking directly at me.

I had another young teacher that same year comment on my skirt but in a way to humiliate me. He was a strange one. He basically intentionally asked the popular girl in our year if she would wear a skirt like mine and her being a bit of bitch sneered, looked me up and down and said of course not. He used this as proof I also shouldn’t be wearing a skirt like this because boys would be looking up my skirt on the stairwell. He used to shout at me aggressively sometimes (this is even going into further years) for something and nothing, then come to me privately afterwards to apologise. We were friends on Facebook after I left for years, he would message me happy birthday every year which I ignored. I never knew what to make of him.

We had a geography teacher who married a former pupil too. I don’t know, different times I guess even though it was 15ish years ago. Your teacher sounds pretty normal compared to those. The instance in the classroom is the weirder of the two, maybe staring was his technique to unsettle you and make you open up.

Yes, I remember a girl in maths class used to stare at me all the time and it unnerved me. Actually, the window cleaner does it too. Eye contact can be a minefield for some.

Nothing wrong with that.
A dedicated teacher.
Though now-a-days teachers are advised not to be in spaces alone with students in case the student has a crush on them and imagines what is not there or make up stories, etc, They would be silly not to protect themselves these days.

You were old enough to see that the door was open, other staff about. Your mother knew you were there.

Did you have a crush on them?

Did you feel unsafe?

I expect he was staring at others too....you just only noticed the times his eyes were on you.
Unless you are now trying to suggest for a whole hour his eyes were only on you which then sounds like you are a bit delusional.

Ex teacher

offering additional support is pretty normal.

in my department for year 11s we offered drop in sessions most lunchtimes for revision/going through any questions students found difficult.

they are made compulsory for some students who don’t do enough work.

we also pay for 1:1 tutoring from (usually) outside teachers who come in and do say 10 weeks of an hour a week focusing on specific exam topics.

when I taught a gcse maths resit class I had office hours and anyone could drop in and go through questions or topics. One year I had one lad who really wanted a 5 and I arranged with him several sessions before school/lunchtkme/afterschool in the two weeks running up to the exam. He got his 5 and was very grateful I spent the time.

my school did also send tutors out to students houses for those students who were too anxious to come to school - usually senior teachers (they had the time) but sometimes anyone who had spare time.

additional 1:1 tuition is very very common and most students appreciate it.

Oh, sorry to post twice, but we also offered revision sessions at Easter for gcse students (again, some of whom were made to come in) and additional access to the art room/conputers etc for finishing off course work.

so coming in in inset days or in holidays is very very common and most teachers volunteer out of the goodness of their heart to do these.

if a student can’t make the arranged sessions due to holiday/illness etc then yes absolutely the teacher might offer to do it at a time that works for both of them.

My deputy head of year wrote ‘best legs in the school’ on my leavers shirt in 1994. Inconceivable now!

Right so the teacher talked to you about work and gave you tuition at school with your mums knowledge while other staff were there. 🫣

25 years on and you’re thinking about it .

really don’t think anything to worry about but if you do see a counsellor to talk it over with someone impartial