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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to feel so lost?

6 replies

bababoombadabing · 20/08/2026 07:53

Im not sure if aibu, but im audhd so its quite hard sometimes to judge and I try and not do things on impulse. So this has been almost a 3 year thought process.

Where i live is lovely, lovely area and lovely house. Except its on 3 floors and I have mobility issues. The layout just doesnt work and even if I moved it around financially it would cost more than it would put on value of the house.

I bought my ex out with some inheritance from my parents as they passed away during my divorce due domestic violence. I was dragged through crown court, childrens services and almost lost my job. During this time my ex made me put it on the market and I had people viewing the house daily and then getting written feedback that it wasnt up to standard. It was soul destroying.

I have 3 children, all in school. I have a great job, a promotion and am where I aimed to get to, all be it quicker than I expected. The children now see their dad every other weekend, he does no more than that.

Childcare is crippling me financially, despite medication and intense therapy my mood remains low. I have no friends here despite trying, no family and no network.

For example, we all got norovirus and there was just me looking after us all for 2 weeks, using sick leave, carers leave and annual leave.

Since everything happened ive not liked our house, I feel uneasy here. I think its the memories of the violence, memories in general and the fact it was meant to be a forever home. It took everything I had to buy it. Ive done it up gradually thinking it would help, and I would fall in love with it again.

Well that didnt happen. I dread going home.

I have family up North, its around 3 hours and I often want to move home. My siblings, nieces and nephews would help me, support me and be around. We speak everyday and they try to help me when they can. I however know my ex could stop me moving so I havent brought myself to even look and investigate.

I have also thought about moving locally to a new house but I worry id still not be happy, and id regret it and then drive past the current house wishing id never made the move and that id made yet another mistake.

Im totally lost in life tbh, I did all the things I said id work towards and I still feel low. Im getting support for this but again, its mentioned that theres only so much help when, of course, its circumstantial.

So, after deliberating for months, here I am posting to see if any of you wiser, more experienced mumsnetters can help me see the wood for the trees? Maybe someone on the outside, with a clearer few could share some wise words?
Im also aware I might also get slated for my post, and I apologise if i cause anyone any offence with this post, its not my intention.

Anyway, if you have got this far, thank you

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 20/08/2026 07:58

Your low mood isn't necessarily circumstancial.

You could be living up north in a different house and still be depressed.
Circumstances can make a difference but it's not a guarantee.

Are you on anti depressants? Are you having any therapy?

bababoombadabing · 20/08/2026 08:37

Yes, i am on medication and I have therapy weekly

OP posts:
parietal · 20/08/2026 08:56

How old are your kids? It is much harder to move when they are secondary age.

I think there are 3 options

a) stay put. Doesn’t seem like you want this
b) move within the same area. Are there other houses you might like better?
c) move north to family. That might be hard for dc with school and their dad.

you can draw up a better list of pros and cons for each option than I can. And that might help you think them through.

bababoombadabing · 20/08/2026 09:05

Thank you.
I think they are my options, 1 child is in year 7, the other 2 are infant school

OP posts:
Girlintheframe · 20/08/2026 09:24

It’s a difficult one because if it comes down to it is it better to a. the kids leave their dad (he could obviously still see them in holidays, come up once a month etc) which would be initially hard for them or b. To have a mum who is depressed and understandably struggling without support.

How long have you felt like this? Would you be able to get another job? How close are you to your family?

bababoombadabing · 20/08/2026 09:42

I speak to my family every day multiple times.
I think I could get a job.

I've felt this way since even before my marriage ended but everyone said id feel better and change my mind as I rebuilt my home and my life

OP posts:
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