Due to fly to the US Saturday with DP and DS16 and DS9 our first time, never been abroad as a family, I've only ever been abroad once ever which was with DP that was 3 years ago, we couldn't afford it and wanted to go when the DC both could appreciate it. DS1 has been to France with school but that was by coach. DS2 has never been abroad.
We have been to Scotland and other places in the UK for holidays but 2 years ago we were invited to a wedding for this summer in America for this year , DS1 was very excited and so was DS2. We saved a lot
For context, DS1 has ADHD and was diagnosed at 6, at 13 I found out he was self harming and it had been for about a year at that point he said. Got fobbed off by the GP that it was just hormones and they said they referred to camhs but turns out they didn't. Things escalated over the following year and he began smoking weed at 14, he stole alcohol from us and had to go to hospital and it did put him off drinking for a few months. He attempted suicide sept 2024 camhs finally got involved but were useless. His anxiety ramped up and was school refusing but when he was going he was getting into trouble for his behaviour and school weren’t helpful they just offered a reduced timetable and acted as if I was keeping him off for fun
Year 11 attendance was very sporadic and he’s not gone in since March (didn’t sit GCSEs), later that day he attempted suicide and that one worried me as he had planned it - the others he hadn’t. Since the start of the year we have had to take him to the hospital twice for SH (needed stitches) and he’s attempted suicide 3/4 times i’ve lost count. Still smoking weed and even cigarettes, some days I dont even confront him when he smells of weed because there’s no point and it’s the same back and forth every time. Im exhausted, DP is helpful but we’re both stuck really. He barely eats and I don’t think it’s an eating disorder due to weight i think it’s a control thing, he eats about 5 foods if that now. He says everything else makes him feel sick and if we try and give him something he doesnt want he totally freaks out. A family member tried to order him a hot chocolate with normal milk (not oat) and he fully freaked out and it just made his anxiety so much worse (yes i did speak to family member, she thinks i pander to him too much)
On July 2nd the police called us and they had taken him to hospital because he was stood on a bridge at 11pm and someone was concerned. They got him in the car and he told them he wanted to die he didn’t even deny it or anything, they gave him a section 136 which wasn’t the first time but usually he’s allowed to go home when we get there but this time he couldn’t. They wanted to assess him and keep him in and he was in hospital for about a week. A psychiatrist and someone else spoke to him on his own then later on they asked me if i had considered he could have ASD i had but in the past id been told it was his ADHD traits overlapping, we’re going to get a private assessment
He was almost sectioned but they had no beds and they didn’t think it would be in his best interests either, they said it’s the very last resort but i thought how isn’t this the last resort? How bad does he have to get? It feels like they just are waiting for him to get worse and worse and have been for over 3 years. He was discharges after a week and i’m still fighting then to give him meds which they’re hesitant about as it “could make the suicidal thoughts worse”
Since he’s been home he is a bit better than he was but obviously not 100%, he has to have weekly CAMHS crisis appointments which i have to bribe him with costa just to go and he doesn’t really open up, I feel like we’re getting nowhere
Now the holiday - we aren’t going for a wedding anymore (cancelled) just the holiday and Im worried about alot of things because neither DC has been on a plane but i’m worried about DS1 especially due to all this, he only drinks hot chocolate or fanta and i know america has different fanta (bright orange) and im just concerned all around
Would you still go? I don’t want to seem to be punishing him for his MH and i don’t want ds2 to miss out hence why i’m only worrying now