Would it be weird to be just us at our wedding?

[Whenwillthemozziesgo]

Dp and I have been together since late teens, now late 40’s and not married. We have been engaged since very young, but never actually got around to tying the knot.
We travelled a lot when younger, lived abroad, then did years of very expensive ivf.
Eventually we had Dc and all worked out.
Recently our Dd has been asking (a lot!) when are we going to get married
I definitely don’t want a big affair, to be honest i’d be fine with it just being us three in Hawaii or something and making it into a lovely holiday, but I think my parents would be upset, then it becomes this whole thing of our siblings having to be invited, more family, dear friends
Would it be weird and unfair to my parents for us just to escape and do it?

I think it sounds great. If I were your parents I'd just be really pleased for you.

I don't think so. Weddings should be what th bride and groom want

Well you’d need a couple of witnesses, but otherwise crack on and have the wedding you want. Your families might be upset but they’ll get over it.

My sister did this and then our parents had a party for them when they got home. I'd go for it. It's your day after all.

I think that sounds brilliant. No faff, and no-one can be properly offended as everyone is left out.

You can quite often get 2 witnesses at the place you get married, you don't need it to be people you know.

Congratulations!

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Just do it on your own. The key to not offending anyone is not inviting anyone.

Some sort of celebration, a lunch or champagne afternoon tea after the deed would be fun, especially if you wear your Hawaiian outfits………

You should have taken your chance in Covid when it was a maximum of 15 including the vicar so no one could complain/be offended. I did!

Seriously though, your parents will probably just be pleased for you - I’d be surprised if they were expecting a big wedding when you’ve been together so long and already have DC.

It's YOUR wedding, though usually everybody else tries to guilt trip you into doing what they think is acceptable. You should let parents know beforehand, and you could throw a more relaxed party when you get back. You wouldn't be the first to do this!

You need two witnesses and the person doing it

beyond that it’s up to you

We did this. No one there. Perfect.

The key to not upsetting anyone is inviting no-one. A proper elopement!

Once you invite some family then others are hurt.

You do you 😀 We got married in Australia 20 years ago with just our parents there. So much nicer and more personal than a massive wedding, for me (a huge introvert) at any rate

@Whenwillthemozziesgo as you’ve been together for 3 decades and have a child together I think most parents would just be delighted to know you’re now married.

I think your idea is lovely, getting married on a family holiday. Is it possible just to pretend that the opportunity arose whilst in Hawaii so you took it? Keep your dd out of the secret so she doesn’t blab and surprise her on holiday.

But how do I tell my parents? I don’t think my siblings etc would mind at all, but I do worry they’d be sad to miss out.

Do they need to know ?
We got married after 15+ years living together for financial reasons -just the two of us and two trused people to act as wtmesses - and have never told anyone.

Best thing ever ! No arguments, no bitching

just do it, tell no one
when you come back just casually say “oh and we git married whilst there”
too late, done and dusted 😜

what can your parents say
“ oh I wanted to come see you get married”

your life, your choice, your money

I got married with just two witnesses. We both have enormous families and so a small wedding wasn't possible. My parents were upset but I just gritted my teeth and in time they forgot about it. I've never regretted it, 25 years later.

Go for it.
We did this! We didn't tell anyone until after we were married.
We weren't worried about our Parents reactions, we guessed/hoped they'd understand and be okay, which they were.
My parents threw us a party for both families when we got back.

Got married (refused to refer to it as a wedding) when my oldest was a baby. My mom’s the only parent between us so had her and her husband there. If it would have been possible without them I’d have preferred it to be just us (they wouldn’t have minded- but would if I invited friends to be witnesses instead hope that makes sense). No regrets, saved a fortune! Do it!

less weird than if you weren't there.

presumably you are asking because you feel they would be disappointed, so worth thinking about how to include them.

there's a world of options before you go full meringue!

You're just signing a contract, there’s no need for a party. As to your parents,, don't tell them, or do you inform them of all your financial arrangements?

We've been considering this. If you dont want big celebration then you dont owe it to anyone to have one. Especially with the cost.

We eloped, had the photographer and her friend as witnesses. Was perfect for us. Our families were happy for us, we had a party a few weeks later.

One of my daughters got married yesterday, just her and her bloke plus the witnesses, the whole thing cost £74.50. So yes, go for it.