Money situation with DC

[OuiOuiMonAmi]

Genuinely can't work this one out, so wondering what others think.

When DS went to uni a few years ago, my parents kindly gave him £40 a month to help with uni spending money. When he left, instead of stopping his money, they gave the rest of the grandchildren (none of whom are at uni) the same amount, so everyone now gets £40.

Fast-forward to now when DD is about to start uni. Parents haven't said anything about giving her extra money (which is TOTALLY fine, or course! That's not an issue). But because we like to keep everything fair with the DC, I can't help thinking that I should give DD £40 a month to make it even - ie. DS had 3 years where he was given £40 a month more than DD.

DH says that just because DS was born earlier, and had 3 years' worth of money from my parents is irrelevant. I do see where he's coming from but it also doesn't seem quite fair - I can't decide.

Just to add, we don't quibble over every little bit of money being even with them, but this is a large amount over 3 years.

YANBA - we should give DD get the extra money
YABU - we shouldn't give her the extra money.

Did she not get given £40 a month along with all the other grandchildren?

Seems odd all have been given bar here - is there a drip feed here?

I wouldn't worry about it

Are you saying she already receives the £40 but now she's starting uni you think she should get another £40? Hopefully I'm misunderstanding 😅🤣

Surely you're going to need to give her more than £40 a month when she's at uni ... most parents have to support their DCs quite a lot financially at uni.

Up to you! Can you afford it? Did you top DS's 40 quid up?

I have come to the conclusion (after many children being born into the family and having very loving grandparents) that it is perfectly OK for grandparents to give what they want to grandchildren, whether it is strictly even or not. This is because they may not keep track/they may forget/they have more grandchildren then they had children so can't keep up.

Any gift from a grandparent is a bonus not an expectation. Trying to tot it all up? That way madness lies. It is up to you as a parent to keep things fair, so if you think it is 'fair' to add the 40 quid, crack on.

A more useful tool would be to look at DD's budget cf how expensive the city is, how intense the course is (vis a vis part-time work)

In that case, am assuming op also started giving the ds £40 on top of the gp money?

Or you could say your DS didn’t get the £40 a month while he was in school and his sister did, so you have to make that up to him.

You’re being a tad ridiculous. When reading, I thought you were going to say that your daughter wasn’t going to be receiving £40 a month from her grandparents.

So effectively the Grandparents are giving pocket money to all the grandkids of £40 pcm each. However your DC1 started getting their pocket money 3 years earlier than the rest.
I couldn't get worked up about it. It's not your job to square circles your parents created. Maybe your parents have plans to stop DC1s pocket money 3 years sooner than the rest.

So your DD got £40 a month without going to university and now you want her to get even more than that because she's NOW going to university?

Really?

YABU if you think £10 a week will make a difference.

Omg squabbling over £40 is ridiculous. What can she even do with that? Your dp have been kind enough to do this. Just let it go. I really can’t believe some people

£10 a week won't make a dent these days. Back then you could live off £10 a week of food if you were savvy, nowadays it'll buy you milk and a loaf of bread. Yabu.

Confused about this

So she’s already been getting £40 ? If so assume it will continue and can’t see the issue

You need to do nothing.

you are totally overthinking this.

I think I see what you’re saying. Your son got three years more of £40/month (was he the oldest grandchild)? Then when he left they continued and started giving all (including your DD) £40. So it could be argued that your son is getting less, as he had to wait til he was at uni to get it, while other grandchildren got it earlier.
It’s not a huge amount - the three years is £1,320. As your daughter was presumably at home with you paying all expenses while she was getting the £40, and the three extra years he got it he was using it to help pay for food and bills while at uni, can you not see how giving your DD additional amount is unfair? She will continue to get the £40. You don’t need to give her more.

I wouldn’t worry about it. Chances are she’ll be needing three or four times that amount each month just to live. I have given far more than that over the years to support both my sons, and have recently forked out approximately 1k for next 2 months rent payment (which I have been informed is actually quite the bargain)

Presume you are having to top up anyway so just give her what is a reasonable sum for her to live on. No need for any extras.

I'm going to assume that the £40 allowance for grandchildren started when they turned 18? In that case no, I certainly don't think it needs backdating. Are you going to back date your DD the 3 years extras you spent on your ds before she was born?

another one who is confused.

Your DS went to Uni for 3 years and had £40 a month. Then after that, he continued getting £40 a month and so did all the rest of the grandkids (including your DD who was a younger teenager?) Therefore if anything your DS will not end up getting as much as the others as they all had it from earlier ages than 18 when his started

If she isn't getting the support then you have the option of supporting her... I don't know why you need input on this. It doesn't matter if it's fair.. just if you want to support her financially.

The £40 you give her up will be totally lost in all the other money you’ll need to give her anyway.
But no you don’t need to even it up for fairness sake.