Should I go on only part of my training course or let someone else do the whole thing?

[CourseIShould]

I'm going on a training course I've been looking forward to that will help me. But a personal commitment has now come up around supporting a friend of mine that means I'd have to leave halfway through (it's several days long).

I could still go and get half the benefit. My position in the team allows me to make that decision. The course has already been paid for. Other people are going that I get on with so the social bit should be nice too and we're all looking forward to that.

Or I could offer my place to a colleague who I know wanted to go and who I like but has got a bit pompous lately especially about her need to have time to do this training. She did get put on a course earlier this year, but for personal reasons didn't attend all of it, and has since been a bit whiny that she didn't get all the benefit. This has been a bit irritating tbh.

I might be able to do this course in the spring next year, but it's not absolutely guaranteed, and would be with a different group who I might not get on with as well. Plus I have to wait longer then to get any benefit from it.

What do you think I should do?

YABU, let irritating colleague go and wait for another chance for yourself
YANBU, go for half the time and at least you'll have made some progress

You should let the colleague go. I suspect you don’t want to do so because you don’t like her.

Though TBF my opinion could slightly change based on what the personal reasons were that meant she couldn’t attend the full course last time she was on it. A bereavement, illness or emergency beyond her control should be viewed directly to her being flaky and not keeping the commitment.

Is there an accreditation with this course so if you attend only part of it, you miss out on the accreditation? What are your company’s expectations about your attendance -do they have a preference for you to do some of it if you can, or would they prefer that someone attends the entire course?

It sounds like you are being a little petty around your colleague, you are essentially doing the same thing they did. Not allowing them to attend in your place to prove a point is not the right thing to do.

I think you really need to weigh up the benefit you will receive for attending a few days vs the benefit someone else will get if they attend the whole course. The company paid for the course, they should receive the maximum benefit from this, regardless who it is that attends

If you can’t arrange to be there for the whole thing it makes much for sense for someone to get the full benefits

Can someone else not help the friend?

Is there no one else that can go on the course rather than this woman who has already had a chance?

If you can't be there for the whole course it seems pretty pointless attending. I would allow your colleague to go in your place if she can attend the whole course.

I wouldn’t attend if I couldn’t do all of it. Is there not another colleague, aside from the pompous one, who could go?

I would try to stick to plan A and attend it all myself.

There's one other colleague who could possibly go. The pompous one has been most vocal about wanting to go so it feels like the default should be offering it to her instead, but it's for me to sort so I could ask the other person.

I could go for the whole course, but it means not supporting an old friend of mine at a stressful event for her, and that disrupts my plans but I really feel I should do it. She's been there for me in comparable situations.

Have you paid for the course yourself?
My employer would be extremely unhappy if I didn’t attend all of a course they’d paid for, unless it was an emergency/sudden illness. Planning not attend it would not go down well.

If youve paid for it yourself you can do what you want with the place, if you’re employer has paid you need to give it up to someone else who can complete it

In my previous job where I used to organise courses, we had to involve SLT and ask them to explain to the staff that courses cost money, there are usually waitlists and if you wouldn't miss a very important meeting for whatever you are planning to do instead, you shouldn't miss the course. It's one thing when some emergency comes up during the course or you finally get medical appointment you were waiting for, it's another to actively plan to flake.
The number of people who did "oh by the way, I am on AL two of the tree days. That's not problem is it" day before the course absolutely infuriated me. Or getting notified 3 people didn't turn up on a day.. .
If you know you can't do the whole thing, but someone else can, you should give the space up and take one on next course.

Option C, tell your friend you have a prior professional commitment so unfortunately you can't help her. There's no point in only doing half a course (as your colleague will tell you!).

What's the stressful event your friend needs support with? And are you the only person who can be there? If so, you should let your colleague go, hopefully she can see that you have made an unselfish decision and it may foster a better relationship between you.

Surely it’s for management to decide who gets the place if you don’t go?

I would go to the whole thing. You have a pre-existing commitment that you can't just sack off for something less than a personal emergency.