I have posted about my father in law before and his attitude towards my autistic son.
Without repeating the previous thread, historically he has made comments about my 11 year old son - often in front of him - such as asking ‘what is wrong with him’ and whether or not he can ‘go to a normal school.’ For context, my son is high functioning, and thankfully he has often been absorbed in something else and hasn’t heard these comments. Recently, father in law told my son his special interest is for babies (it isn’t, it is anime), resulting in my son getting very upset and crying… he can be quite sensitive about being called babyish, he’s at that sort of age.
He also has a similar attitude towards my stepdaughter (his biological grandchild) and has called her ‘weird’ on multiple occasions and also asked me if ‘I think there is something wrong with her.’ Approximately a month ago, he made these comments to me again and I told him to stop, said there isn’t anything wrong with her, and that she is autistic and has ADHD. I’m not sure whether my stepdaughter has heard these comments herself, but she’s decided she doesn’t like him and also says he is mean to my son.
I also had an incident with him recently, my son had an accident and broke his arm, which father in law then asked me ‘whether he had done that to himself as autistic people are always smashing their heads on things’. I gave him very short shrift and asked him when he had ever witnessed that behaviour from my son, and also told him that’s an autistic stereotype that he shouldn’t be making.
He also constantly asks me if my toddler is anything like my son was at that age, which I think is him asking whether I think my toddler is autistic or show signs of autism.
This all leads up to the latest incident. On Friday we had my father and mother in law babysitting for an evening, I said to my husband at the time that I didn’t feel comfortable with this because of his prior comments, but it was a special occasion for another family member and we didn’t have any other options. My husband went to visit his dad today, and his dad explained that my son had been rude to him, so he then ignored him and didn’t talk to him for an hour, and when my son asked why he wasn’t speaking to him, he replied that it was because he was very rude. To be clear, sometimes my son can seem rude or make inappropriate jokes or comments, but he is never meaning to be intentionally rude. It’s part of his autism and when it’s explained his comments could be seen as rude, my son is absolutely mortified and very apologetic. He’s certainly not a rude or mean child. My father in law then followed this up by saying to my husband that there is ‘something seriously wrong with my son and he needs serious help.’
I am fuming and feel this goes beyond just ignorance, particularly as I have pointed out his ignorance on two occasions involving two different children in our household. My husband doesn’t want to say anything himself as my father in law is the type to fall out and not speak for months - there have been instances where husband and his dad haven’t spoken in over a year because father in law struggles with any sort of criticism.