MIL normal behavior?

[VCO]

Here's another one about PIL, sorry... A bit long for context
Both physically capable but show 0 interest in doing any sort of activities with GD. MIL is the only one that shows up when we invite them to come around during half term or school holidays for some quality time with DD. She never calls to come around, suggesting anything with DD. Every school half term or school holidays is the same, if I don't get in touch she's quiet and eventually have a rant saying we forgot about her. Just happened last week. Every year I say the same, please get In touch too as I don't want to be the pushy one. They are so out of touch that sometimes I feel that she's not interested and it's convenient for her using the "invitation card" because truly she can't be bothered but the excuse suits her, leaving us with a heavy conscience. She texts DP all the time, why can't she just ask if DD has time over the week to see her?! She's the only one that comes in the evening if we are out, when we request her help. GF never shows up and he knows she's not a confident driver. However, there's always something basic that she can't cope with like not finding the dish washer to put the dinner stuff away or the washing up liquid to wash the dishes! I couldn't care less about the washing, but she rinsed and dried everything and left on the side to put back on original place. It was clean enough I guess? Btw washing up liquid Is under the sink as usual and the dishwasher next to it... She didn't have dinner either as the food we prepared for her, she let it burn in the oven and didn't know how to use the hob to cook something for herself. We would be happy to order take away there and then if she had told us. She's a nervous driver, never takes GD anywhere. Since she was born they go for the same walk ending up playing at home. We are having work done in the house ATM so not the best place to be. Both working parents so our hands are full and our head all over the place for the past month. I am not sure which kind of opinion I am looking for here but, when she mentioned last week the "invitation card " again, and how we didn't care about her we couldn't even bring ourselves to answer back. I am furious and guilty at the same time. Is this normal behavior?

No, never. He sees what we see about her. He says she's bitter, difficult and stubborn. If she is like this I don't care, she's sweet with DD, would be great if she was more open with communication. I just feel she's draining my patience victimizing herself and I have zero willingness in opening lines of communication that were never closed before anyway

has anyone considered she might be ……

You are saying she shows no interest but,

she answers when you call, watches GD takes her out to walk or plays at home and babysits.

it doesn’t seem you and her are close so she doesn’t do general chit chat but she texts your DP

she doesn’t want to ask herself round for whatever reason. In the grand scheme it’s a minor issue. I don’t think it’s fair to say she shows no interest when she clearly is showing up sometimes.

just contact as much or as little as you want, she is unlikely to impose on you in a way that your own family will because it’s a different level of comfort. Or maybe she is being difficult and making a point. We don’t know, all you can do is manage your behaviour and do what you are comfortable with.

Oh, come off it! You want trips to Peppa Pig World and water parks? And you expect her to take a small child out for lunch?! You’re off your rocker.

This is one for dropping the rope.
Wish I had been on Mumsnet when MIL found out phones only work one way, as it would have given me the permission to drop the rope, match her energy and just stop caring a good few years before I did. I spent far too long being infuriated with her.
Glad I made you laugh though

She sounds willing but anxious and incapable and perhaps a little bit touchy.

But...and it's a big but...she's fond of your DD, likes to see her (otherwise she wouldn't get upset if not asked) and will entertain her while you wfh even if it's not perfect and you still have them around the house.

I think this is one where you work around your MIL. She has something to add to your DD's life (and she wants to), so decide how she can fit best within your family life. Tell her you appreciate what she does, ask her to do a day or two of childcare each holiday or half term in place of holiday camps and leave a plate of sandwiches and snacks for her and DD in the fridge. Take yourself out of the house to work somewhere else if you can, and accept that DD will have a quiet day doing the same walk with her DGM and the same home activities. It won't do her any harm and may end up being a family relationship she looks back on fondly.

Next time she has a complaint, I would be very tempted to suggest to her - how about asking the question on Gransnet MIL, you could ask how other Grans arrange to see their DGC….?
She would receive some useful answers….! (I.e. she would be told)

Sounds to me like you are pissed off that she isn’t providing free childcare for you, along with light household chores!! Maybe she’s just not interested!? It’s her prerogative to be honest! Some people have no family at all to lean on, so I would just crack on with it yourselves tbh!

Thank you all for your opinions. Some of you made me look at it In a different perspective. For others that suggested I am seeking free childcare, or even expecting small chores done around my house, I will take it as toxic comments from bitter, sad people around here. Never have I ever needed any help from MIL. When she shows up is not because we are out of options. But because I want my DD to have memories with her, although it seems I am the only one opening a line of communication for this to happen. Hence my question "is this normal behavior"

So you are asking grandparents to come spend time with your daughter whilst you and your husband are at work?. Do you ever want to spend time with them when not working?

Can’t understand this. Please use paragraphs, topic sentences and simple constructions. Perhaps ask AI to simplify your writing because this dense block is unreadable. I discerned something about the grandparents of your child don’t bother doing anything, I can’t work out what else you’re saying.