Heaven knows I’m miserable now

[Cantloseyou]

Please do not discuss this with me if you know me in real life; I just need to rant.
My child’s dad and I have separated but live together.
We used to get on but he seems to be depressed.
He does nothing around the house. He doesn’t even speak to us. He is a ghost who wanders around with headphones on.
He doesn’t eat. He doesn’t wash.
This I could handle. But he is so so mean.
He calls me fat. He says that he avoids me to stop himself from arguing with me. He calls me every name under the sun.
He doesn’t interact or speak to our child.
I literally upended our whole lives because I thought he was going to kill himself as he was so depressed living on his own. Only for him to be exactly the same.
I feel like I’m such a fool.
I’ve given up our home, my child’s sanctuary, to live somewhere that I am abused and he is ignored.
I can’t get out as I have terrible, terrible credit and no references and no one will rent to me.
He also provides childcare so I can work full time.
I’m just such an idiot.
How do educated women with years of life experience get themselves into these fixes? I can’t tell my family as they warned me not to.

This, too, @Cantloseyou

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/im-not-sure-if-my-relationship-is-healthy/

He doesn’t interact or speak to our child… He also provides childcare so I can work full time
Well that sounds like abuse of your child. And is nit a solution.

you have made some really poor choices, including making you and your child homeless while giving money to a man you are not married to. Do not make more poor choices. You need to get out. Staying is another poor choice

speak to a solicitor.

I'm sorry this is happening, you're not alone, contact Women's Aid. You sound like you're minimising, you deserve support. Just talk to them about the situation and they will help you to understand your options for support. It sounds coercive. Even if he has got mental health, he can still be coercive, and threats to kill himself is one of the things they will discuss with you when they complete the risk assessment.
Reach out to them, they will help you break free from this man - you can start afresh & find freedom x

Op, you do not necessarily need reference to rent. I was not asked for references when I applied to rent my house. Even if they ask, say you owned your house so you don't have a landlord reference.

Having a bad credit and a CCJ will not necessarily stop you either, they will check last 3 months bank statements to see if you can afford to pay rent, that is most important to landlords, not your credit.

You are asking how educated women can get themselves in fixes like this? Easily. Just watched a Netflix documentary about a young beautiful woman doctor getting involved with an unworthy individual and destroying her career and life in the process - so don't castigate yourself - JUST GET OUT!

Yes this.
Get some professional advice to see if you can get your money back.

Do you have proof such as the money was transferred to him through a bank transfer.

If you were giving a large sum of money why didn't you get the house to be in both your names?
To save your investment.

You said that you don't want your child to have a dead father, so he is using emotional blackmail with his suicide threats. You have to get yourself and your son out of this situation. If you put equity into the house you would get money if it was sold? Womens aid and/or local authority may be able to help with accommodation until you get back on your feet. In a few years your son won't need childcare. You are correct this man is a complete parasite. I lived like this. Detaching myself and my daughter from the situation was the best thing I ever did. It wasn't plain sailing, but I got rid of our parasite ( he didn't kill himself, he went to on parasite some other poor woman) Although threats of suicide should be taken seriously, it is up to mental health services to treat and support in this case. Even if he did take his own life it would be his own decision. If your 10 year old is aware of these threats it would be a good time to start to educate him age appropriately about emotional blackmail and how suicide threats may be part of that and ( in the unlikely) event your ex does act on his threats it is absolutely not something that you or your son are responsible for. If your son has these mental tools he will be less vulnerable to future emotional blackmail. I would say that the situation you are in is akin to a hostage one. Please take the advice of everyone on here and free your self for once and for all of us this parasite. Don't be surprised if he doesn't attempt to make contact with your son after you have got rid . We all make ' mistakes ', but you can get yourself out of this, start planning now.