Help managing anxiety

[loonylil]

Currently on holiday with my family. I have been so anxious the whole week and it’s really spoilt it for me. I haven’t had much appetite, I’ve had an upset stomach (which always happens to me when I get anxious and probably has been made worse by the heat and little food I have managed). In the run up to the holiday I was stressing for days about one of us getting sick and not being able to come. Now we are due to come home I am worried about the same happening again and we can’t get home. All I really want now is to be back in my safe space at home.

We have had a lovely relaxing week, haven’t done a lot and the dc have really enjoyed the pool and entertainment. It’s been stressful at times but there is no logical reason for this constant feeling of dread and worry in the pit of my stomach. Earlier my daughter swallowed some pool water and was sick and immediately I began spiralling (she’s absolutely fine now). I don’t know why im like this. I have suffered from GAD in the past and took citalopram for a short time but day to day I’m usually fine. I don’t know what it is about being out of routine that sets me off like this. Does anyone have any tips to try and calm myself down so I can enjoy the last day or two.

It sounds really silly, but sometimes when my anxiety gets so bad I cant function i search nervous system hypnosis on tik tok and lie on my bed and listen to it with my airpods in. They're really good! and I often feel better after

@InfernalRuin why is that silly? Isn't that exactly what NSH is designed for?

Do you get like this every holiday or a recent development?

We only really go once a year but I can’t remember feeling this bad last year. It could be that I’ve built it up so much to be perfect that I’m just on edge now. It’s really annoying, after all the money spent on what should be a nice time that I can’t get control of my feelings and just enjoy it :-(

Do you have any travel sickness tablets? If so, take some to help with the nausea so you can eat and they can help the stomach muscles relax a little if you’re holding your tension there. These worked really well for me when I felt very similar to you on a holiday a couple of months ago.

Google “anticipatory anxiety and travel sickness” for information on this.

So precious years you haven’t had this?

Anything triggers it this time?

Might you actually have a bit of a stomach bug?

If you can, look into talking therapy. Really helped my travel and health anxiety.

With my anxiety (which in the past has been horrifyingly bad!) I turned it on its head.

My thought process used to be “omg I’m anxious, shit the days ruined I’m going to hate it and I wanted it to be perfect.”

But over time I’ve learned to tolerate being anxious so I can both be anxious and also enjoy the day. So now my thought process is more “ok I’m anxious. What’s new?! It can just be there in the background, but actually it’s just a feeling. It’s probably not factually true. And fuck if I’m still going to enjoy what I can.”

Trying to make the anxiety go away never works! It’s like saying don’t think of a pink elephant!

Ive had beta blockers in the past too and they’re good short term relief but not a long term solution for me.

I think I maybe have but it’s settled now and the anxiety is still worse than ever. I’ve been under a lot of stress at home with work and my youngest dc who has a few behavioural issues. Maybe now I’ve finally had the opportunity to step out of the usual daily routine my adrenaline has spiked or something. No idea but just want to be home now which is very sad.

Is your partner being supportive?

To an extent but he doesn’t really get it. Neither do I to be honest.

Have you considered therapy? How old are your children?

Yes maybe I ought to look into it. I had CBT a few years ago and it didn’t do much. At that time I had a real issue with toilet anxiety - my anxiety would set my bowels off and then I would be super anxious about going anywhere unfamiliar in case I needed the loo. It was a nightmare and I became quite reclusive for a while. It only got better because I started a new job and was forced to do the things that I’d previously been afraid of (like travelling and doing meetings etc where I couldn’t quickly access a loo). Exposure I think they call it, where you do the scary thing enough times for your brain to realise it’s actually ok and the anxiety naturally improves.

This has been different though. I’ve been so afraid of firstly one of us being too sick to travel then one of us getting sick while away and not being able to get home. But even when there’s been no evidence of illness I’ve still had that pit of anxiety in my stomach. We are home now and I still feel on high alert over…what? I have no appetite still and just feel wrung out. I have no idea what’s going on but it has seriously made me rethink going abroad again - kind of the opposite of exposure therapy I guess but also too expensive to do when you’re not going to enjoy any of it.

How was rest of holiday?

I think you owe it to yourself and your family to really focus on addressing this with professionals and / or medication.

A stint of meditation every day can really really help. Use a free app to try it. Even 5 mins each day can really help.

You need to reset your nervous system. Try Dropping The Anchor (Google it!).

Box breathing works. Really well. Do it for 5-10 minutes when you’re stressed and once daily anyway. The mornings are the worst for anxiety, so try and fit in five minutes then.

I had the loo thing too! Double whammy as you know cos your guts kick off the second
you get stressed. I brought them under control by refusing to stop going out locally - a decade on I still know every cafe loo in South London.

I now don’t go anywhere with no loos for hours without going at home first, which is common sense.

As well as what is suggested up thread, maybe try giving the anxious feelings a name??

I know it sounds weird but I heard this on a podcast about anxiety - when an anxious thought rears its head, I have named mine Mildred and think to myself sth like, ‘not now, Mildred, I’m just doing this’ or ‘I hear you, Mildred but it’s going to be ok!’ It feels ridiculous but naming the feeling and separating it from yourself seems to work pretty well for me.

Honestly, I find having a good drink and a chat with DH and a laugh shakes me out of it.

On my 40th I was sooo anxious for no reason. We were going out for a lovely lunch and I nearly cancelled. In the end, DH fed me some sugar and a glass of champagne and bam, I was back to normal.

Sometimes trying to control anxiety makes it worse.

*I appreciate that normal advice on anxiety is to avoid alcohol!

The trick is not to try and make it go away. Accept the anxiety, remembering it's not actual danger, and behave exactly how you would normally. Your nervous system will get the message.

Yeah alcohol is really not advised for anyone struggling with anxiety.

This. Accept the anxiety & it will subside. Don't ‘feed’ it with secondary anxiety, i.e. be anxious about being anxious! (Hope that makes sense!). If you accept it and tell yourself it’s ok to feel anxiety, it WILL subside OP 🤍

How do you break the fear loop?