AIBU to choose a kitchen extension instead of saving for the children?

[KatrinaAndTheCaves]

I'm in a quandary.

I've got a modest lump sum of money.

It is enough to either:
A. Pay outright for one of the quotes to extend our kitchen by an extra 10m2
Or
B. Put it into savings and give half each to DC when they are young adults

The quandary is this:

We (me, DH, DS 15, DD 14) live in a teeny tiny house. We love it here and none of us wants to move. DH and I bought it as a 5 to 10 year house when DC were babies, planning to sell and move up the ladder within a decade. That never happened because our wages were frozen and our mortgage interest rates rocketed so we are no more able to buy a bigger house now than we were 10 years ago. Anyhow, despite being so small, we don't actually want to leave here. It's a lovely home and the location is amazing for us. But DC are adult sized now (5ft 10 and 5ft 6) and we can't all be in the kitchen at the same time. 1 of us at a time really. Maybe 2 absolute maximum but even that means getting in the way of each other so 1 of us generally leaves the room. It measures approx 2 metres x 3 metres. With all the built in kitchen units around all 4 walls the actual floor area left to stand in is miniscule. It is a daily source of stress. An extension would give us a better more workable sized kitchen which would transform our downstairs living space, even with the small extension dimension. If I spent the money on the extension and internal fixtures, I'd have no money left, but I would pay for it outright.
But if we don't extend, I will be able to give money to DC as young adults starting out in life. For context, we are not going to get any further money. No future inheritance will be coming our way, not a penny. We are both in frontline worker bog standard average salary jobs. No likeliness of promotion so no salary increase on the horizon as neither of us want to deal with the stress of frontline management roles. DC are very high need in terms of emotional and practical support, both ND, both struggling hugely academically and both on track to fail all their GCSEs based on their school report predicted grades; they are lovely kids and I worry endlessly about their future earning potential and how they will afford to live with the cost of living and house prices as things are now if they get no school leaver exams. On our salaries, we can't save a penny for them. What comes in goes straight out every month. Please don't advise me to start saving for them because we've been trying for 15 years and we can't; we just about cover all monthly expenses and there's nothing left.

If I extend, it will really make our family home a much lovelier and better sized living space, but we will never have a lump sum of money to hand over to DC. Or if I save the money, would that be better for my DC, whilst living in a small home with a kitchen too small for family use and no dining area in it. It wouldn't be enough between the 2 of them to transform their lives or anything like that, but it would be enough to give them a bit of help for example towards a deposit for a 1st home.

It's not a huge amount of money. So I want to be careful with it. Neither DH or I come from well off families, so we are not used to being in the position of having money to do something with. It's not enough to extend AND save for DC.

We have no other savings at all.

WWYD?

I would build the extension, you'll get so much use and benefit from it. You don't know what they'd do if you gave them the money, they might go travelling etc and you could regret giving it to them.

Build the extension. It sounds like it will increase quality of life for all, and will add value to your house

What will you do if the extension goes over quote?

Build the extension OP, it’s your life too . Live it ☺️

Build the extension. Your poll is unanswerable.

I think you should extend.

It sounds like they are going to be living with you another 10 years or more; make those years as enjoyable as possible for yourself and them

Build the extension. 1) it's your life 2)it sounds like it will make a huge difference to quality of family life for all of you and 3) you don't actually know how long your kids will be at home for. They could still be there for quite a time as young adults.

I would build the extension as it sounds like your kids won't be moving out anytime soon so you'll all appreciate the extra space.

Build the extension. You are giving the whole family a better quality of life. Children are also living at home much longer than previous generations, and that might be more likely if they are ND.

I would plan for going over budget, by choosing a bit less, leaving you wriggle room for unforeseen events. We had a ground floor extension, which went over budget, but DH came into an inheritance at that time, so it wasn’t a problem for us.

At this age, you can’t predict what DC will do as adults. They might prefer to live at home longer than you think - in which case, a kitchen extension might improve the quality of life for all of you. It will add value to your house, and you can always downsize later.

However, only extend for your quality of life. We could have extended the first floor too; but the builder told us, creating a fifth bedroom was only worth it, if we needed it. As we didn’t need it, the increase in value of the house would just be what it cost.

Build the extension and give the whole family a better quality of life now, rather than a vague possibility in the future.

Build the extension. You have no idea what the future holds.

Extensions are unpredictable at the foundations stage as you never know how good the soil is until you start digging. For all the extensions going over budget etc mine was on budget and on time. Cost exactly what was quoted, was a clean job site and a builder who turned up every day. It transformed our house and our day to day living with all of us being able to fit in the kitchen together.

You said the extension would be life changing and doing it means you would benefit now from it when you need it not some unknown possibility in the future of giving your children money.

If you haven’t already promised the money or indicated they might get some, I’d do up that kitchen. You can then do it without feeling guilty.

build the extension - it adds value to your house and a space for you to eat. It we have 4 kids, two ND, we may we’ll have them here for a long time yet!

And with the others probably wanting to come home here and there we probably need to keep the space

For clarity we are talking a 10m2 extension to kitchen, right?
I know some people speed read, so just want to emphasise that.
I'm not talking about a magnificently large sparkling extension. Literally only 10m2 which I know is a tiny amount. But that's all the money will afford.
I half wondered if mumsnetters might say this size extension isn't worth it. Our current kitchen is 6m2. So it would enlarge it to 16m2. It'd be brilliant for us, but still small by mumsnet standards!

Just came to say you sound as a lovely mum and person altogether. Wish you the best with any decision you make and a happy life.

Lovely thing to say and I agree.
I think the extension is a great idea as the children may well be with you for longer than originally planned.

Op just to throw a curve ball in what about some tutoring for DC apologies if you have thought of it ?

Schools cannot teach Sen students and a private tutor even in eng and maths can do wonders

I would do the kitchen, it’s likely kids may be staying at home longer than you think so better to have a nice family space. Also if either DC is unlikely to be able to work in the future then having more than £16k saves in their name will make it tricky if they need to claim benefits.

Build the extension. Ficus in here and now and family needs

both ND, both struggling hugely academically and both on track to fail all their GCSEs

As it stands your dc likely to be eligible for ongoing support supported employment UC PIp etc maybe a supported living arrangement etc as adults so having a house deposit for them may not be applicable .

I would still say build the kitchen. That's nearly three times the size you currently have.