AIBU to feel upset by partner's constant references to his past family holiday?

[donotknowhowtofeel]

My DP and I have been together for five years. Both in our 50s. Mostly lovely, happy relationship. Both married before. He for 20 odd years, three adult kids. We are on holiday to a place where he has been before with his ex-wife and kids. I knew this when were booking, but I didn't register it as particularly significant. It's a beautiful country, lots of things to do. But, now that we are on the holiday. I find that every second conversation is about what he did with his family when they were here last. "We ate there," "we did this last time" "we went kayaking here/ walked there" etc etc. These are often accompanied by rooting around on his phone for pictures to show me (of/with his ex-wife and kids). So much so, that our holiday is beginning to feel like a homage to his earlier family holiday here. I feigned polite interest, but am getting increasingly annoyed. The constant comparisons are diminishing from my enjoyment of the holiday! I get along fine with his adult kids, and his ex-wife too. No issues with them, all amicable, no back-story. I just find his behaviour insensitive and ham-handed. AIBU to be miffed at this? Would it bother you??

Good heavens just be honest. No need for a show down or high drama.

”I just love being on holiday with you and enjoying the present, can we not talk about past visits with exes pls. Now, cocktail?”

It would irritate me. Tell him to knock it off as it is A. Tone deaf and B. Dull

Good advice! Esp, the 'now cocktail' part 😂

Check. Check to both. Tone deaf and dull!

It is concerning that five years in, it didn’t occur to you to just communicate with him

We've been on holiday for a few days, not five years! I do just communicate on most things. I just didn't want to rain on his holiday parade, and I genuinely don't mind the odd reference here and there, it is the constant references that are getting to me. Besides, I did tell him this afternoon (after a cocktail, as it happens!). ...

Oh dear. Op I meant in a relationship with him for 5 years

Oops, misread! It is work in progress to be able to communicate openly and directly. In my previous relationship raising issues just made them worse, so I learned to shove them under the carpet. It is not the case in this relationship, but I still on more minor annoyances (like this one) struggle just to come out with it. I wonder if I am being petty...But, yes, I get your point.

That's annoying for sure! Although on balance I'd prefer to know a bit of that (within limits) than have him privately reminiscing but not sharing. I'd ask him to pick some things to do/places to eat that can be new shared memories of the place and not just revisiting the past.

So I have suggested what to say, why don’t you put down your phone and say it to head off him doing it again. And then enjoy the rest of your holiday?

Yup, said it at lunchtime as I said in my earlier post...(but my DC was there so no discussion on it)...

I’m like this about any place I’ve been before and had good times, regardless of who I was with. Let him enjoy it. It’s lovely that he is open with you.

There’s a reason he is separated from his Ex and with you. Enjoy him enjoying a place he loves. Make new memories.

So you mentioned it.
So if he says again… then you are more direct “enough with the ex talk”

Are yours or his children with you?

It must be so relaxing to be lacking in any sort of meaningful self awareness. Good luck with the stfu convo you need to have. 🙄

Yes, this would definitely irritate me! I think for future holidays I would insist on going somewhere where your DH hasn't spent family holidays.

I suppose he’s just a bit clueless as I’d probably go on about a place and say when I was here before but not including the people I was with! Agree to say it to him, if roles were reversed I’m sure he’d say it to you! But it doesn’t have to be a big deal! Enjoy the holiday!

DC is mine..young teen.

I don’t think it’s insensitive so much as boring as fuck.

I’d be equally irritated if it were a friend talking about having visited the same place with another friend.

Try and just gently say “I’ve noticed you keep referring to your earlier holiday here with your ex wife. I’m glad you had a good time but I wonder if you could try not to mention it from now on? I’m starting to feel
upset by this.”

Yes, that would irritate me as well.

And he keeps talking about his ex in front of your young teen? I bet your teen is having a whale of a time listening to mum’s boyfriend go misty eyed about the past.

A firm “I think we can move on from last holidays now and just focus on making THIS holiday brilliant”

So what's the point of this thread? Everyone's advice after reading the OP. will be to tell him. But you've already done that! At least wait to find out how he takes your request before moaning.

Yes good point

The point was to ask if others would find it irritating or I was overreacting. I have told him (kinda blurted it out), there was no discussion at the time, but there have also not been any references since then. Thanks for your responses!

no Not overreacting
but you should have prob mentioned that you had already raised it with him to avoid us suggesting you communicate!

And now I know your poor young teen son is having to listen to your boyfriend drone on about past holidays…. If DP raises it again, be blunt and don’t worry if in front of your son “can we stop replaying the past and focus on enjoying this holiday pls!”