Teen with ASD and PDA saying he hates me, just venting?

[knowbody]

DS16 (ASD/PDA) now saying he hates me

He used to say he loves me, kind of anxiously, 10 times a day, but has recently stopped and started being quite mean. He's almost completely dependant on me, however, after his dad died, and doesn't have many other people in his life.
He talks about living somewhere else without me but doesn't want to make any plans even to visit a relative. He's not interested in employment or education. I'm not sure that he is really capable of living independently any time soon and fear that he's setting us up for years of a hostile co-existence.

I think that some of this is just about being 16, and try not to react, but he really hates any blaming anything on hormones. Am I being unreasonable to think he's just venting and he will start behaving reasonably?

Has anyone else had anything like this and come through the other side?

My DD16 says very similar things & it’s just awful. I feel sick when she says it. Hormones definitely deepens her emotions and how well she deals with things. Like you, I’m their safe person & it’s crushing for both of us. Hope things improve for you both soon. Take care.

Yeah my dd said similar.

hasn’t said it in about a year (now 26)

Mine did too, similar age. Took a few years to move past it. They take it out on those they're closest to. But you still need to have some boundaries you're not a punch bag

Sorry to hear others are living through this also, but it does actually help with not talking it too personally.

Also I am finding that if I pretend to myself he's a semi-feral rescue cat the mean mood swings are easier to deal with

Well, it's not many children of 16 who have had a parent die. Even though saying such things can be normal for many teens, it sounds as though your son has experienced much more than most his age

How long ago did his dad die? Does he get any support in relation to this?

I am sorry for your families loss

The loss of a parent at that age is world-shattering. I had a couple of friends who lost parents at that sort of age, and there were a lot of different reactions. Some pretended almost like it hadn't happened at all, and others were completely changed as people.

When you add in the ASD it becomes a whole other thing, and more complicated.

No real advice to offer, just sending my best wishes.

He doesn't hate you. My guess is that he hates being so reliant on you but, like many teenagers, doesn't have the emotional intelligence to verbalise this and find a way out of his feelings.

That sounds like venting but even so I'm sure it's horrible and hard for you. I think you just have to remind yourself mentally every time that it is a phase and it's not an unusual part of growing up, especially with ASD/PDA and especially with the loss of a parent.

I suppose on some level he is wanting to be independent of you, but, as @RobertaFirmino suggests he can't express it in a positive way yet, so his brain is jumping to just pushing you away. I'm sorry you're going through this.