AIBU to tell mum about her daughter’s texting and voice note behaviour?

[walker1211]

I am really struggling to decide what to do in a situation.

My DD has had a friend since early years, her mum I’ve also known quite well. She has always been a nice little girl, but did always have something to prove. In y7, she has completely turned into just a really unkind, attention seeking almost caricature of a mean girl. This is affected my own DD in that she likes to cause drama and other people involved in the drama and turn people against each other, which she did to my Db including sending her non stop messages one day with random allegations ‘like I heard you said x to this person, why did you do that’ etc etc why are you lying etc and despite my daughter asking her to stop messaging her, she just didn’t stop so we blocked her. I also found out, things she has sent to other people in the year, including voice messages, where she’s shouting f off to people and saying that she wants them to go away etc. just really unkind and targeted behiour. Also heard about really bad behaviour in the classroom and again almost silly levels of back chat.

her mum was fairly strict previously and I am sure she has no idea what’s going on and I actually feel concerned about this girls behaviour HOWEVER I feel really lost with senior school and what is normal and not especially with y7/8 girls. I feel a lot of advice at this stage seems to be not to get involved, but I feel really I should tell the mum the behaviour I am seeing? My daughter is also pretty well behaved and tells me everything which I know (from my own experience of being 12) is probably quite unusual!

is this normal levels of behaviour?

Although ii will add that with disappearing messages and all kinds of other workarounds checking phones can be hard.

I've been in this situation and I told the mum. I knew that she wouldn't be happy with that behaviour from her daughter so I let her know. She was grateful that I'd told her, spoke to her daughter. The daughter apologised to mine and now they just avoid each other (they used to be close friends but then another girl got involved who my daughter does not get on with as there had been some historical bullying from her so my daughter stepped away from the original friendship which then lead to horrific voice notes being sent). I know everyone says it won't end well but it did for us. But I knew the mum in question and knew how it would go. The other girl involved I did not tell her mum as I wasn't sure how she would respond and didn't want to make things worse

Idk I would tell her. I went through a phase of being a wee bitch when I was 12 (genuinely don’t know why to this day) and my friends mum told my mum who absolutely read me the riot act. At the time I thought she was an evil old hag and my mum was a bitch for not standing up for me - but now I’m glad. I was being a cow for literally no reason. I guess it depends on the mum, but my mum was strict and pretty reasonable.

this is what i mean really, why wouldn't we tell girls their behaviour is unacceptable why is it all mediation or ignore them etc. i am not sure thats doing either side any favours in the future.

this is very similar to what has happened with my DD, we are not quite through the woods yet but i am hoping y8 brings some calmness to them all.

My conclusion is i have left it too late to comment on what happened to my dd, for clarity i did share with the school at the time, i also told them as there was behaviour that was going at school too, i didnt expect that to sort out just the out of school messaging situation.

I cant get involved with what the girl has done to someone else. If i even get a whiff of this carrying on in y8 i am going to go to to my friend and say something like ' I think you should check your daughters phone as she seems to be behaving in a way i wouldn't expect of her at the moment, is everything ok' I have also told my DD to screen grab anything like this so there is no way she can just deleted it (which she usually does as she knows she is being rude) and i will share with the mum and school straightaway.