To not understand how anyone can ‘cherish’ this?

[Iabsy]

Yes there’s lovely moments that I do cherish. But fucking hell parenting is largely shit when they’re a toddler. I’ve been hit, screamed at, moaned at, cleared up mess, dealt with mealtimes repeatedly and the clear up, and she’s still not even asleep! This is all rather unusual and she’s usually quite a (dare I say it) easy 3 year old.

But I’m just so fucking fed up. I’d taken this week off to spend extra time with her and I honestly wish I hadn’t bothered!!!!!

This is the duality of parenthood for me. Loving them so much and being so proud of them and innately entwined with them, and on the flip side wondering if they are trying to kill you.

I try to have compassion for myself that
-Social media portrays a perfect image of motherhood that is nothing more than a highlights reel
-Parenting is more intense than ever and beyond what we actually evolved for- in a hunter gatherer society your child would be off in a multi age playgroup all day and you would get on with your own tasks. In many societies it is abnormal for adults to engage in play.
-having a perfect mother is bad for children. They need real, loving, human mothers, who can actually be quite strict in enforcing boundaries, to be happy resilient adults

Some days, hours, moments are pants. Truly. I empathise. I knew I might be tired in the short term but I did not understand the relentless and all consuming nature of motherhood when I entered into it!

I don’t think anyone cherishes those moments tbh 😂 I think it’s the overall experience of parenthood they cherish - most of the time the good outweighs the bad

Also, the heat and break in routine will probably have messed her up.
My four year old is quite predictable during term time but has become a bit wild during summer.
I was watching the eclipse in wonder at the moment and she was repeating 'mummy I want to go to the park mummy I want to go to the park mummy I want to go to the park' while the toddler was trying to walk off and make new friends with strangers.
Someone else ended up watching with my glasses while I had to control my children 😅

It’s just been so awful. She’s become really
bratty too which has worried me. She never wants for anything and because me and ex are high earners I suppose we have just got her whatever she wants within reason, without really thinking about it. Feel like we’ve really messed up there. I’m tired of it all

@Mojngyf it seems nothing can be experienced or enjoyed again!!!

Its normal (although I know that isnt reassuring!) at this age. Figuring out they can demand stuff, test boundaries etc. Relentless.

3yos are awful people

Any age was better than that for dc1...

Three year olds are almost entirely ego centric. Over the next few years she will learn more but again even though she might understand the concept of sharing etc it will be really hard to do.
She doesn't understand the concepts of privilege and gratitude.
Don't get me wrong, I've realised there's actually a massive correlation between how much we spend on a day out and how much the kids act up. It's because we end up in the car at an early time, out of sorts, pressure to enjoy it etc. some of the most wholesome times are when we have just decided to drive somewhere!
After one awful experience we don't book any big Christmas events for example anymore, and try to get zoos etc on offer.
My children have been totally oblivious to an up close tiger, not realising of course the unusual and again privileged element of that experience!
They were more excited about the donkeys on the local park!
I try to lower my own expectations and not to expect them to have an adult level of appreciation.
Don't take it as criticism because I've definitely felt the same but had to reframe it.
I definitely also had childhood experiences of having to act grateful for things and experiences I didn't even want so it's also worth considering if that's why it's touching a nerve for you.

That's a great post from @Mojngyf . You will cherish it later when you are out of the trenches. I read once that parenting is a lot of joy and not much happiness and that resonated with me so much because it is deeply rewarding being a parent but it's such bloody hard work you don't get the chance to notice.

This.

And dont put kids at the centre of everything all the time, its bad for them and bad for you.