To want to avoid this event?

[Linetree]

My running club lost a member last week. The sudden death of a lovely woman.

The family have said that in line with their mother's wishes there is to be no funeral or memorial.

The club is organising a small race this evening but have said that in line with the family's wishes there will be no silence, it won't be run "in her memory" etc.

Some members plan to gather to "remember" her and run "for her" anyway. Some are genuinely good friends of hers, others are people who weren't particularly close but seem to be in competition over who is most affected by her death.

It's an event I would usually support as a club member, AIBU to stay away tonight?

I should have been clearer, the race is a long standing regular arrangement, that some members want to use to remember her.

I'm sorry for your loss.

If that is what her mum wants re funeral/memorial service, fine. Her decision.

But she doesn't have the monopoly on grief and it's selfish to try and control the grieving of others

I think it’s fine to stay away if you feel strongly, though I wouldn’t assume that your friend not wanting a funeral or organised memorial service also means she wouldn’t want a few friends to informally decide they want to “run for Sarah.” I wouldn’t want everyone standing on ceremony with a silence and announcements made either, but I wouldn’t mind if people wanted to do their own thing: you can’t police from the grave how others choose to grieve, and good friends or not it probably does feel sad for them that “Sarah” who would usually be there enjoying herself just won’t be without anyone noting that.