I’m not sure if this is silly, but I think I’m grieving a family I’ll never have. I grew up an only child with hardworking parents and a lovely mum, but neither of them were close to their own families. So no big gatherings, no “big family Christmases”. It was just us, and that was normal to me. In my 20s I had lots of friends, independence, travelling, fun, and that felt like enough.
Now I’m in my 30s, getting married, and suddenly everyone around me seems very family‑orientated. Having kids, reconnecting with relatives and siblings, big networks, cousins everywhere. And I’m realising I don’t have that, and probably never will.
My partner’s family is… complicated. His mum is narcissistic, manipulative, not warm at all. There's always drama witg her. He’s low contact. His siblings both have their own issues and still live at home. Their house always feels tense, never welcoming, no one communicates properly, but we’re still expected to go there even though they never come to us or suggest meeting elsewhere. If we suggested going for a walk or visiting somewhere new they would look at you like you'd grown a second head.
My lovely mum has sadly died, and my dad, although he cares, doesn’t really “do” family. He doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t show interest, doesn’t initiate anything. If I don’t organise visits or holidays, nothing happens. His main interest is going to the pub. So my “family” is basically me keeping the wheels turning. If we have kids, they won’t have cousins or much support.
And I keep thinking back to when I was younger and dated someone with a big, warm, extended family. They all spent time together and had seemed really interested in life. I know you can’t manufacture that from thin air, but I still feel the loss of it. I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt this, mourning the idea of a family you never had, and probably never will. I know I should be grateful for what I do have but still feel sad.