Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Accidentally pregnant with 3rd child, don’t know what to do

38 replies

unexpected5 · 11/08/2026 18:47

Hello

I’ve just found out I’m pregnant and have no idea how far along I am due to being on the pill back to back for 3 months. I’m guessing the pill failed when I stupidly took 2 lots of antibiotics for a tooth infection and completely forgot that it can make the pill less effective.

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, they currently share a bedroom. We are in a 2 bed new build so luckily pretty spacious but we do not have room for a 3rd.

We run our own business. DH is out 5-6 days a week 12 hour days, DD is in pre school 3 days a week 9-3 and 1 year old will be going after Easter next year 3 days a week also.

Financially right now, we can afford an abroad holiday once a year, we can afford food and heating and we always do a day out like the zoo or similar for kids birthdays without it being an issue financially BUT having a third would change being able to take them abroad. I realise what a privilege this is seeing as the poverty in this country is rising and I feel very fortunate to be able to pay for food and heating let alone a holiday.

We would have to move house, we’d have to buy a bigger car, we would have to say goodbye to holidays and I just feel so sad about this situation that we are in.

The two children we have are miracles, I had recurrent unexplained miscarriages in double figures heading towards 20 losses now we feel extremely blessed to have 2 healthy, beautiful children and the life and family I have.

What on earth do I do? I don’t know if I can go through with an abortion, I think I’d think about it a lot, I’d wonder if they’d be like their siblings, I’d feel a lot of guilt (this is me personally and I am completely pro choice by the way).

I also don’t know if realistically I can cope with the mental load of 3 kids, the age gap is hard enough as it is.

If you were ever in this situation, what did you do? Do you regret whatever choice you made?

OP posts:
Iceache · 11/08/2026 20:29

I was in this position and had a termination, although our two were 8 and 11 at the time and we were very much out of the baby stage.

I think if my youngest was 1, I’d be tempted to keep it so I understand why yours is a difficult decision; it was an easy decision for us and no regrets.

Malasana · 11/08/2026 20:31

Only you can decide what to do not strangers on the internet.
First of all, find out how far along you are then take it from there. Measure the life you have/want to have against what you would have if you have a third child.

Katemax82 · 11/08/2026 20:33

I got pregnant with my 4th at 42, unplanned. I had an 11 year old about to start secondary school, a 6 year old at school on a part time timetable and an 18 year old. I didn't think I'd be able to cope but I also thought I would regret having a termination so I went ahead and had my son. It's hard but I'm glad I had him he's the light of my life

Beachbeach · 11/08/2026 20:35

I’ve been in your situation. Went to the appointments sobbed. Cancelled the termination surgery.

had 3 children under 5. It’s hard yeah but more wonderful than hard.

cannot recommend Choices Charity for free abortion counselling enough. Did 3 free sessions with them and finally got some clarity on my decision

Theworldsgonemadagain · 11/08/2026 20:41

What does your husband say? You've had many miscarriages so it seems a bit mad to consider an abortion. I personally could never do that. Loads of people have 3 kids and manage. You will adapt but it's your body and your decision. I second prev poster you need to find out how far along. It happened to my cousin and she was 5 months along so obviously had the baby but if it had been 6 weeks she would have aborted.

Peonies12 · 11/08/2026 20:43

What does your partner say? I think you need to find out how far along you are first as thst will affect your options. If it’s only a few weeks it might be an easier decision especially as you could use the pills at home.

Chatddd · 11/08/2026 20:44

Keep the baby. New bro/sis for children to play with 😀. Our 3rd was unexpected. They were a blessing.

PinkToadstools · 11/08/2026 20:48

I’ve not read the comments but I was in your position. I had my third baby and honestly it was the best decision, no regrets despite the financial hardship at the time. Go with your gut.

Ladybarnaby · 11/08/2026 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Disco2022 · 11/08/2026 22:36

I haven't read all the replies, but I am currently in this situation, 8 weeks with a surprise 3rd whilst still breastfeeding (and 42 to top it off). We decided to terminate and I'm happy with that decision. I want to focus on the two I have, like you holidays and extra curricular would be impacted, and like you I've miscarried before and this is bittersweet. As it turned out I went for pre termination scan and it looks as though I might be miscarrying anyway.

Floppyearedlab · 11/08/2026 23:02

Children don't need abroad holidays. They need parents who love them, stability, a roof over their head and plenty of common sense.
The space issue is a problem. But one you could solve. Trivia aside, would your finances stretch to another child?

StripedTee · 12/08/2026 11:55

Floppyearedlab · 11/08/2026 23:02

Children don't need abroad holidays. They need parents who love them, stability, a roof over their head and plenty of common sense.
The space issue is a problem. But one you could solve. Trivia aside, would your finances stretch to another child?

They don't need them, no, but there's nothing wrong with parents wanting to provide more than a child's basic needs.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page