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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to say that surrogacy is human trafficking?

96 replies

Finderskeeepers · 11/08/2026 17:07

I’ve just read the story of Kyla Simpson who acted as a surrogate to a single man in China and I’m horrified. The article is behind a paywall so I’ve copied the synopsis below. Surrogacy is human trafficking and should absolutely be banned. Hopefully more stories like this help our governments reach the same conclusion.

In November 2024, Kyla Simpson carried triplets as a surrogate for a single man in China named Ted Zhou. He and Simpson had entered into the contract with joy and optimism. But after his sons were born, in November 2024, Zhou never arrived to pick them up. Then Simpson learned he hadn’t applied for a visa. She agreed to take the babies home until he could come retrieve them.
Five months later, Simpson was surprised when two Chinese strangers appeared at her door and demanded she give them the triplets. They’d been dispatched by Zhou, who was still waiting for his visa interview. Running out of money for the boys’ care, he’d hired them as a last resort. Now, as his calls went ignored, he feared the surrogate he’d hired had fallen in love with his children and would never let them go.
To Simpson, the handlers’ arrival confirmed her own suspicions. She’d started piecing together a theory that Zhou was part of a trafficking ring that commissioned surrogate babies who would be separated and sold. Over the next year, she would call the FBI, accuse Zhou of abandoning the babies, try to terminate his parental rights and file for adoption.
American women gestate thousands of babies every year for overseas parents, almost half of whom live in China, yet no federal or international regulations govern surrogacy. With cultural differences, a language barrier, and a patchwork of conflicting state laws, it can be hard to tell in a dispute who is a victim and who is a perpetrator, who has been scammed and who is the scammer. Now, as the two parties face each other in court, the ruling could threaten the status of thousands of parents and define the future of international surrogacy.

OP posts:
ChocolateApples · 11/08/2026 21:04

BusyRascal1 · 11/08/2026 19:01

But isn't surrogacy the opposite of adoption? In many cases (but not all, I appreciate), adoption is because the baby isn't wanted by the mother. Surrogacy is where a baby is wanted so much that people go down this difficult route, to have the baby. Surely the knowledge of being unwanted, for whatever reason, is what largely in part causes trauma?

Surely adopted babies are wanted by the adoptive parents?

BusyRascal1 · 11/08/2026 21:08

likelysuspect · 11/08/2026 20:47

Are you going back a 100 years or so?

Adoption these days is due to care proceedings, very very rarely, so rarely because a parent doesnt want the child

Many children, but not all, have life long issues due to the poor parenting experiences they had in utero but also in the first few months of life if they're with an unsafe parent. Not all are affected by that

Its become a narrative that ALL children who are adopted suffer life long trauma, either from the adoption of being removed from their parent or the experiences as a baby with the parent(s), this is not a blanket application, it depends completely on the circumstances and the child and their personality and characteristics.

No, I'm not going back 100 years. I'm talking up to the present day. I also know that not all children suffer from adoption trauma, it's one in a number of ACE's that can cause trauma.

I agree with much of what you're saying. Trauma in utero, I'm sure substance misuse etc also. Being ripped from a family who they had gotten to know for months, years even. None of this however tends to be the case in surrogacy.

Most adoptions are through care proceedings. However many of the kids are unwanted; unwanted encompasses a lot of things, including substance misuse by the parents. When I was adopted as a child, my mother clearly didn't want me as much as she wanted drugs.

BusyRascal1 · 11/08/2026 21:08

ChocolateApples · 11/08/2026 21:04

Surely adopted babies are wanted by the adoptive parents?

Yes, of course they are. However not always by the birth parents.

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:09

ChocolateApples · 11/08/2026 21:04

Surely adopted babies are wanted by the adoptive parents?

Many are wanted but the parents are unable to care for them. Sometimes mothers can have child after child in the hope she can keep one but have them all taken into care at birth. It is recognised that this is a tragedy for all concerned and that the babies suffer because of it. Being wanted by adoptive parents doesn’t change the trauma involved.

horchatatresleches · 11/08/2026 21:10

Boreded · 11/08/2026 20:46

Then all babies have been created without their consent haven’t they?

I’m posting from the perspective of altruistic surrogacy, which is something that I have offered do to for my sister (she declined). If I were to be a surrogate the baby wouldn’t be born to strangers, but to their devoted aunt who would play a close role throughout their life. They wouldn’t be ripped from their culture because my sister and I are from the same culture. They wouldn’t be born to someone who would never be family, because we are family. The child would have no choice but to be created, but equally my children who were conceived naturally also had no choice in the matter.

I’m not saying that this is the case for all surrogacy and I have major concerns for the rights of women in many commercial surrogacy arrangements, but my point on this thread is that conflating commercial and altruistic surrogacy makes no sense. Doesn’t mean that everyone has to be in favour of altruistic surrogacy, just that it’s totally different to the OP’s story, or the baby factories in Nigeria

horchatatresleches · 11/08/2026 21:11

horchatatresleches · 11/08/2026 21:10

I’m posting from the perspective of altruistic surrogacy, which is something that I have offered do to for my sister (she declined). If I were to be a surrogate the baby wouldn’t be born to strangers, but to their devoted aunt who would play a close role throughout their life. They wouldn’t be ripped from their culture because my sister and I are from the same culture. They wouldn’t be born to someone who would never be family, because we are family. The child would have no choice but to be created, but equally my children who were conceived naturally also had no choice in the matter.

I’m not saying that this is the case for all surrogacy and I have major concerns for the rights of women in many commercial surrogacy arrangements, but my point on this thread is that conflating commercial and altruistic surrogacy makes no sense. Doesn’t mean that everyone has to be in favour of altruistic surrogacy, just that it’s totally different to the OP’s story, or the baby factories in Nigeria

Sorry this was meant to be a reply to @AnyoneWhoHasAHeart

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:13

horchatatresleches · 11/08/2026 21:10

I’m posting from the perspective of altruistic surrogacy, which is something that I have offered do to for my sister (she declined). If I were to be a surrogate the baby wouldn’t be born to strangers, but to their devoted aunt who would play a close role throughout their life. They wouldn’t be ripped from their culture because my sister and I are from the same culture. They wouldn’t be born to someone who would never be family, because we are family. The child would have no choice but to be created, but equally my children who were conceived naturally also had no choice in the matter.

I’m not saying that this is the case for all surrogacy and I have major concerns for the rights of women in many commercial surrogacy arrangements, but my point on this thread is that conflating commercial and altruistic surrogacy makes no sense. Doesn’t mean that everyone has to be in favour of altruistic surrogacy, just that it’s totally different to the OP’s story, or the baby factories in Nigeria

So called ‘altruistic surrogancy’ is very often anything but.

Your son or daughter being bought up by their aunt still involves being taken from their mother.

readingmakesmehappy · 11/08/2026 21:18

Babies should not be bred to be separated from their mother at birth. Agree OP. I’d like to see all forms of surrogacy be made illegal in Britain, including buying babies from overseas.

littlbrowndog · 11/08/2026 21:19

Yep don’t be selling or giving away human beings to other people

OtterlyAstounding · 11/08/2026 21:28

You are not being unreasonable. Buying a human being is human trafficking.

As for altruistic surrogacy, I think using social pressures and/or the desire to help others, to get women (who have existing children) to go through the dangerous and damaging process of pregnancy and childbirth in order to give the baby away, is not beneficial to society. The only one I think is acceptable is if a mother is young enough to gestate a child for her daughter and offers to; that makes sense, socially speaking.

HobnobsChoice · 11/08/2026 21:30

Can you give me expenses and take my child at age two or age five? Would that be ok or would it be recognised that you are buying a human being despite us labelling it expenses?

I've said it before but for many women in the UK, £15 to 20k is a large amount of money. If it's just *helping out" another family to have a baby why is it always women on low incomes whether in the UK or abroad that are doing it. Why don't we see women in private equity or magic circle law firms or big 4 accountants undergoing surrogacy for £15k? Why is it always an imbalance of wealth and power where rich people outsource pregnancy to a woman with significantly less resources but a functioning uterus.
Surrogate pregnancy is higher risk that a standard pregnancy especially if a donor egg (again "donor" implying it's an philanthropic deed not a medical procedure which usually has financial recompense either as money or discounted fertility treatment). The woman who "donates" the eggs is at risk and the woman carrying a baby that is genetically unrelated but still depends on her blood and bones and breath to grow are just forgotten about so long as wealthier people get to have a newborn. And if that means a contract insisting on abortion in case of a birth defect or "reduction" in the case of spontaneous twins/triplets then that's what the customer gets and they will sue to enforce it if needed or reject the "faulty goods"

The faster a global ban comes in the better. Parenthood is not a human right.

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:39

OtterlyAstounding · 11/08/2026 21:28

You are not being unreasonable. Buying a human being is human trafficking.

As for altruistic surrogacy, I think using social pressures and/or the desire to help others, to get women (who have existing children) to go through the dangerous and damaging process of pregnancy and childbirth in order to give the baby away, is not beneficial to society. The only one I think is acceptable is if a mother is young enough to gestate a child for her daughter and offers to; that makes sense, socially speaking.

Older women are just an important as younger women or men. We don’t become usable commodities as we age.

OtterlyAstounding · 11/08/2026 21:45

Todolisttoolong · 11/08/2026 21:39

Older women are just an important as younger women or men. We don’t become usable commodities as we age.

That's not my point at all! I'm sorry it came across that way.

It's just that as a mother, I would happily do practically anything for my child and assume the risks of it, even if they're substantial – I think the mother/child bond at its best is a very unique relationship, different to any other among humans, and so it seems more natural for a mother to want to do that, and have good reason to do so and not regret it, than sibling surrogacy, or surrogacy for friends, etc.

Of course, I'm still not really in favour of it, I just think it makes more sense, socially speaking.

Pearofplums · 11/08/2026 21:45

Taking a baby away from his/her mother when he/she has just been born is so cruel. It's all fucked up, really.

Pollyanna87 · 11/08/2026 21:45

It’s a Frankenstein-ish, dystopian slave trade.

Wornouttoday · 11/08/2026 21:48

Dear God this story makes me want to weep. The commodification of babies is totally evil.

littlbrowndog · 11/08/2026 22:27

Selling a human being despite how they are conceived is wrong

dont sell human beings or give them away. It’s wrong

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 12/08/2026 00:48

Boreded · 11/08/2026 20:46

Then all babies have been created without their consent haven’t they?

There’s a difference between natural conception which is part of human biology, and conception where a baby is created through artificial means, with selection.

Even IVF is contentious to some people but especially processes such as surrogacy or donation where the baby is created and grown in a false environment to be given to the highest bidder.

IVF, egg and sperm donation turns human beings into commodities. And even IVF does to an extent as there is profit to be made and life to be discarded.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 12/08/2026 00:54

horchatatresleches · 11/08/2026 21:10

I’m posting from the perspective of altruistic surrogacy, which is something that I have offered do to for my sister (she declined). If I were to be a surrogate the baby wouldn’t be born to strangers, but to their devoted aunt who would play a close role throughout their life. They wouldn’t be ripped from their culture because my sister and I are from the same culture. They wouldn’t be born to someone who would never be family, because we are family. The child would have no choice but to be created, but equally my children who were conceived naturally also had no choice in the matter.

I’m not saying that this is the case for all surrogacy and I have major concerns for the rights of women in many commercial surrogacy arrangements, but my point on this thread is that conflating commercial and altruistic surrogacy makes no sense. Doesn’t mean that everyone has to be in favour of altruistic surrogacy, just that it’s totally different to the OP’s story, or the baby factories in Nigeria

It would be naive to suggest that altruistic surrogacy isn’t open to coercion though.

We see the guilt on threads like this one, where people will shout someone down for having an issue with surrogacy on the basis that “you have no idea what it’s like” and dismissing anyone who dares to be against it.

There is absolutely 100% chance that there are families where pressure is applied to family members who are considered to be fertile and whether they would give their family member a chance.

And to whoever applied the comparison to altruistic organ donation this absolutely has the potential for coercion as well, except the difference is that organ donation is very carefully controlled, and the process for altruistic donation is extremely rigorous, whereas surrogacy is pursued almost casually and there are practically 0 safeguards in place.

Timeforachange26 · 12/08/2026 23:29

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 12/08/2026 00:48

There’s a difference between natural conception which is part of human biology, and conception where a baby is created through artificial means, with selection.

Even IVF is contentious to some people but especially processes such as surrogacy or donation where the baby is created and grown in a false environment to be given to the highest bidder.

IVF, egg and sperm donation turns human beings into commodities. And even IVF does to an extent as there is profit to be made and life to be discarded.

But you get surrogates that are just impregnated with the fathers sperm rather than ivf implants

Todolisttoolong · 12/08/2026 23:52

Timeforachange26 · 12/08/2026 23:29

But you get surrogates that are just impregnated with the fathers sperm rather than ivf implants

You mean mothers

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