Hurt

[Leighonseawoman]

AIBU my neighbour had 2 disasters in her life. Her husband and daughter died within a short timescale. I was there for her. 3 months ago I had a serious heart operation. I've heard nothing from her. I feel very hurt. AIBU?

It depends if one of the reasons for her family dying was heart related, she won’t be able to cope with seeing anyone else through that. And other people being ill will bring it back for her and she just can’t handle it even if not related. Loosing your child and partner isn’t something you come back from.

But I’m sorry you have been through something serious and I hope you have other people around you.

How long ago did they die and have you told her you've had your heart OP?

I am very sorry you are sick and feel let down by your neighbour.

I like to think I am a decent person, but as someone who has recently suffered the death of a beloved daughter, I have to say I have very little “spare” to give to anyone else these days.

I will say that in the 9 months since the death of my daughter 2 close friends have had serious illnesses. I have sent a card and a gift to each and a couple of texts. But I have not visited (I don’t socialise now) and I can’t talk on the phone. The landscape of life after such a huge bereavement is forever changed.

It is likely that although your neighbour appreciates your friendship, she just doesn’t have it on her to reciprocate.

You sound like a caring person. I hope other people in your life have been able to step up and support you.

She's had two terrible life changing bereavements. I would imagine she's really struggling. Of course it would have been nice for her to show some concern over your operation but she might just not be in a place right now where she has the capacity to.

I’m sorry you have had a serious operation and felt unsupported.

I have to agree with @LadyMacbethWasFierce
I’m so traumatised since our youngest daughter died that anything hospital related is out of the question for me. Even some dramas with hospital scenes bring on a panic attack due to the machines, sounds etc. I also rarely leave the house now.

Recently my MIL was in hospital for 6 weeks then end of life care and one of my closest friends had a serious operation. I was unable to visit either of them.
My best friend had a heart attack and I couldn’t visit her either. Sent cards, gifts etc.

Please try to understand and don’t take it personally.

@LadyMacbethWasFierce and @24Dogcuddler I am so sorry for your losses. Posts like this are very helpful in educating those of us who have not been through anything similar as to how the entire landscape of a person's life changes post the loss of a child. Thank you for taking the time to share.

My friend lost her son last year and can barely leave the house, l don't think she will ever get over it and jist has nothing left in the tank for anyone else

I agree with others.

We can only go on what you have posted, but it appears that you are looking at this in a very 'black and white' or transactional way.

Life isn't like that.