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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to want Christmas at home after my partner changed plans?

34 replies

HannahXsanderson · 11/08/2026 09:25

Hey looking for advice on what families do at Christmas!
I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable. So to keep it brief I do not get on with my in-laws and we see each other the odd time but usually my partner takes LO to see them, which works well as I feel so anxious and stressed when seeing them as their is A LOT of water under the bridge. So the previous Christmas’s we have spent with his family which always end with animosity and awkwardness. So last year we spent with my family which was enjoyable but my partner didn’t like being away from home and our families live on opposite sides on the country so we can’t see both over the same two days. So after last Christmas we both agreed that for the next few years at least we’d spend Christmas Eve to Boxing Day doing our own thing and doing our own traditions, my partner was happy about this and even wanted to go abroad since our little one is only 2. The issue is he went to see his mum who for context (is a complete narcissist and control freak) so she got on at him about Christmas and now he has said we will be spending every Christmas with his family for now on. I was so upset I couldn’t even speak to him, I just find Christmas so stressful and wanted a calm few days with us as a family. Of course we’d see both sides over the festive period but I feel his family’s have such big expectations and basically fall out with us if we don’t stay over ect.. I just can’t cope with that this year, so I suggested that he spend it with his family and I stay at home with LO but I feel that he’s only doing all of this to appease his mother. His words where “why would I want to spend Christmas with just you two”
any advice?

OP posts:
Jasmin71 · 11/08/2026 15:13

He is way too under his mum's thumb do what you want. Take LO to your parents.

Ethelspagetti · 14/08/2026 16:09

XMissPlacedX · 11/08/2026 09:28

Can you tell him that you and LO won’t be going to his mums and it’s his choice to go if he wants to spend Christmas without his wife and child. I know that might be easier said than done.

Agreed. Let him go and keep the little one at home.

KookyHen · 14/08/2026 17:56

“now he has said we will be spending every Christmas with his family”

Is he absolutely batshit? Like hell would I allow my partner to dictate like that!

Absolutely fuming for you. Don’t give in to that selfish pig, OP.

Likeiloveyou · 14/08/2026 18:07

So he would rather upset you than his mum?

You tell him he can spend Christmas where he likes but you and DC will be spending this Christmas together quietly as previously agreed by him.

Don’t let them bully you!

godmum56 · 14/08/2026 18:08

yet another non returning OP

caringcarer · 14/08/2026 19:03

BIWI · 11/08/2026 09:47

Having read your previous threads I think it's time you recognised that your partner is very controlling, possibly even coercive.

You're not married.
You're not on the mortgage/deeds
You're not working
He's not helping you financially
He's making decisions about you and your child
He's deciding what happens at Christmas, even though it's something that a) you've already agreed on, and b) the decision isn't one that you want

Get rid of him. Seriously.

Go back to work.

Get some self-esteem and start countering him, and making decisions that work for you.

Wow you are up shit creek OP. Get a job and earn some of your own money. Refuse to go to mil if you don't want too and keep DC with you.

Hatty65 · 14/08/2026 19:07

Oh, love.

Just tell him to fuck off back to his mother permanently. You'll be happier and better off.

QuestingFrolicking · 14/08/2026 19:24

We made a decision to do similar to you a number of years ago. Home for Christmas Eve and day. It is glorious. Ate what we wanted and when we wanted, wore whatever we liked, watched what we wanted and no pressure.

we see family the following week and it’s lovely and not filled with pressure of the day itself.

he shouldn’t have made that decision on your behalf for every single Christmas to come. How about your family? And actually how about you? This would give me pause about going forward because he is placing his mother above you who you have already described as a narcissist.

would I be visiting his family this year under those circumstances? No and neither should you feel beholden to

MarthaLovesLaughing · 14/08/2026 19:39

Your husband can't force you or your child to do what he wants to do. He can spend Christmas with his parents. You don't have to

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