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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit peed off about dh's birthday pressie to me?

86 replies

Amandella · 27/06/2008 10:49

OK, it was my birthday yesterday and I've been going on "forever" about wanting a water feature in our garden. We went for dinner at friends a week or so ago and they have recently installed this beautiful small, modern slate water feature which is perfect for their garden. Something similar in ours would be great as we live in very similar (modern) properties. Anyway, we decided we'd go and look at water features and decide what to get and where to put it. We never go around to it. Well, you guessed it, dh (kindly I admit) decided to take it upon himself to purchase one for my birthday and I HATE IT.... it's something my granny would have had in her garden, it's totally gross (not cheap) but just not in keeping. Coupled with this, it's a free standing one - and I wanted something to go on the wall so the kids wouldn't wreck it. Also, it has all sorts of things dripping into other things and all the "things" come off the stand so perfect for dd 4 and her friends to wreck. It's gross. Well, the terrible thing is a) he loves it and b) kids love it and c) he carried it all the way home last night on the tube and train and then pretended he wasn't tired so he could construct the damn thing whilst I was in bed and then wrapped it beautifully and was SO proud that I haven't the heart to tell him. I'm just gutted but I guess I have to live with it as I don't have the heart to tell him I hate it (I'm actually embarrassed to show it to my neighbour in case she roars with laughter in front of him)... I feel so ungrateful but he has chucked the box and the wrapping so even if I could subtly tell him I don't like it I don't think he could return it. Also, I told him the kids might destroy it and he said "oh don't worry they'll soon lose interest... it's lovely though isn't it...just what you always wanted" AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH.........
AIBU??

OP posts:
piratecat · 27/06/2008 10:52

that is a headfeck.

not unreasonable to hate it. poor dh tho, he did go to alot of trouble.

men

glaskham · 27/06/2008 10:54

kinda.... you admit he kindly went and got it, you admit he put lots of effort into getting it home, constructing it and wrapping it... but if you hate it so much your embarresed to show your neighbour then maybe you have to say something... or have a bad 'accident', fall over it and smash it into lots of little pieces

poor DH though sounds like he really thought about your pressy- i'd be very lucky to get that much effort put into my pressies off DH!!

Notquitegrownup · 27/06/2008 10:54

Oh bless him. Of course, you aren't being unreasonable, and that's what MN is for. You can tell us, then keep your lovely dh in ignorant bliss. You may have a crap water feature, but you have a thoughtful, if off-the-mark dh and that's worth loads more. Really it is.

It might be worth inviting your neighbour over to have a coffee and to see what she thinks. She might surprise you by loving it, but if you get on well enough with her, you could invite her over to sympathise, and laugh at how awful it is!

GrapefruitMoon · 27/06/2008 10:55

YANBU but not a lot you can do about it I think without hurting feelings... Sounds like the sort of thing my parents have which I insist they put away when my dcs visit!

How about looking at it in the same way you would a plastic slide/swing/sandpit in the garden which the kids love but which doesn't do much to enhance the garden itself?! Put up with it for a few years while the kids are small and replace it when they are older...

piratecat · 27/06/2008 10:55

can you link, i really want to see it now!

Chequers · 27/06/2008 10:56

Message withdrawn

waffletrees · 27/06/2008 10:56

YANBU - but just don't tell DH. He tried his best.

bruxeur · 27/06/2008 10:56

YABtotallyU.

You have been going on forever about wanting a water feature in the garden.

Now you have one.

If you had wanted this water feature and he got that one...

Then you would have a case.

bruxeur · 27/06/2008 10:57

This is exactly why we stop trying, btw.

Sow as ye shall reap...

ConnorTraceptive · 27/06/2008 11:00

Oh well on the bright side it is atleast wreckable - so let your dc's do their worst

My dh also covets a nasty, tacky water feature but so far have manage to stop him

Ripeberry · 27/06/2008 11:03

Do you know where he got it from? Maybe you could let us know their website and we will try and guess which one it is!

IPityTheFool · 27/06/2008 11:25

Oh dear. I do think you have to tell him, very kindly though. He has tried to be thoughtful but not realised the most important bit of the water feature was choosing it together.

bruxeur it's a bit like your dw having gone to extraordinary lengths to buy you a work shirt from a certain shop and on the morning of your birthday presenting it to you, washed and ironed and on a hanger, expecting you to wear it to the office, even though pink and orange aren't your colours, especially where polka dots are concerned.

geddit?

WilyWombat · 27/06/2008 11:29

Ohh bless him...he went to so much trouble. I agree use the fact that it is freestanding as an excuse "oh you obviously paid so much for it - I would hate it to get broken, could we please change it for a fixed one"

You have a thoughtful hubby though

WilyWombat · 27/06/2008 11:30

I thought you were going to say he had bought you a new iron or a toaster!

Carmenere · 27/06/2008 11:32

OK yanbu BUT there is no way out of this without hurting his feelings. So I would put it in the corner of the garden and plant LOTS of things around it.
However I do think that things for the garden do not fall under the category of birthday presents. Things for the garden are for the benefit of the whole family and should come out of the household budget imo.

Not quite the same but it reminds me of the time my dad got my mum a stunning and very expensive chopping board as part of her Christmas present, it was WAR. Whilst it was a beautiful object, it wasn't solely for her so totally unfair that it should be her Christmas present when everyone would use it iyswim

ladymariner · 27/06/2008 11:38

I think I would say to him that i loved it, it was just what I wanted etc etc and thank my lucky stars I'd got a husband as lovely as you have. I would never tell him in a million years that I hated it, especially after all that effort.

ladymariner · 27/06/2008 11:39

And, like Carmenere says, plant lots of things round/over/on it!

bruxeur · 27/06/2008 11:40

Well that's a ridiculous comparison, Fool - my DW would not buy such a rubbish shirt as she is sensible.

If she were not sensible, or had suffered some kind of horrific accident to her visual cortex in childhood, rendering her unable to distinguish between pink and orange and a reasonable colour, I would not have said that I wanted a shirt.

I have a feeling that your analogy would be closer if my DW had bought me a shirt that was two Pantone shades too dark, or that had a button rather than French cuff.

In which case I would be U in being upset.

I have a sneaking feeling that Hyacinth the OP is more concerned about her neighbour's opinions than whether or not her family likes the water feature.

And she hasn't dared post a link or a pic, for fear of everyone saying "ooh that's nice" or "I don't see a problem with that", it must be assumed that she is a grasping hypercritical WITCH with no sense of compassion.

Have I got the hang of AIBU yet?

Original poster
Amandella · 27/06/2008 11:50

bruxeur - wow, we do I deserve to be called a grasping hypercritical WITCH? If I was that, surely I would have just been hideous about it when I opened it??? Wow, I think that was a bit much tbh.

OP posts:
bruxeur · 27/06/2008 11:54

Lordy. Do we not do comedic exaggeration here, then?

RosaLuxembunting · 27/06/2008 11:54

Don't hold back there, Bruxeur. Say what you really think.
Poor OP - I know exactly how you are feeling. I think since it is a one-off you have got to grit your teeth and pretend to love it. If it was something like perfume where he would keep buying it again and again if not told that actually you think it smells of cat pee, then you should say something, but unless water features are going to be a regular birthday surprise from now on, I think you are going to have to put on a smiley face.
Or accidentally leave this thread open on the computer.

WilyWombat · 27/06/2008 11:56

I think Bruxeur is male and every AIBU has to have one person who is semi-abusive thats how AIBU works it always brings out the nutters who dont feel their day is complete until they have been rude to someone

I think the majority think YANBU but feel a bit ahhhh that your hubby made such an effort. Are you sure it couldnt look nice with something planted around it to soften the edges? Very hard to comment when we dont know what it looks like (it doesnt have stone squirrels on it does it - that would be inexcusable)

bruxeur · 27/06/2008 11:57

Dear God, can anyone read?

WilyWombat · 27/06/2008 12:02

bruxeur - I realise in this case that you were being ironic hence "Have I got the hang of AIBU yet?"

This one hadnt attracted a nutter so you decided to be that person

ProfessorGrammaticus · 27/06/2008 12:03

Oooh stone squirrels??

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