To get involved with DSD's weight?

[orangefoxsoda]

We have DSD 7 with us full time for the summer. It pains me to say it but she's gained a lot of weight this year. Until about age 6 she was consistently 30th centile for height and somewhere around 20th-25th centile, she's now 30th centile for height and 90th centile for weight. BMI comes out at 98th centile on the NHS BMI calculator. Her weight has increased steadily over the last year, she's had a recent growth spurt. We've tried talking to DP's ex about it, she just gets very defensive. The relationship there is already quite difficult. It's obvious she thinks it will sort itself out and isn't going to do anything about it.

WIBU to just put DSD on a diet this summer, get her exercising more etc and take control of it ourselves while we have her with us?

Why would you need to put her on a diet? Do you and your partner not eat normal meals? A diet suggests you would be giving her separate calorie controlled food. Can’t you just all eat the same food, everything in moderation, nothing banned.

We can't give her the same foods we eat all of the time anyway because her and her mum follow a religious diet we don't. We have other kids in the house who are fussy eaters, so there are times we will give her a separate meal. I'm not suggesting we call it a diet, but I am tempted to deliberately give her healthier choices.

She's a small child height wise but she's now in age 11 tops and dresses. That's why we weighed her. I don't see why her dad doesn't have the right to know what she weighs.

Did her dad move countries after having her?

Putting children on 'diets' is often considered to be detrimental and can lead to ED.
It needs to be portion control and allowing her the treats she likes in moderation.
Definitely encourage exercise and make sure there's always plenty of healthy snacks like fruit and veg available. But to actively tell her she's on a diet I don't think would be wise.

I see no problem at all ensuring that she eats healthily and does lots of exercise in a fun way. It's all good for her and motivational too

I'm glad you're not going to call it a "diet". That would be wrong imo

Also mentioning her weight to her would also be wrong

How tall is she? My 8 yr old is 'obese' but he's 148cm tall, we've been to endocrinology, he's under neurology for something else, we've been to dieticians (all at my request, literally noone flagged anything) and the consensus is he's a healthy big guy. He's still being monitored but his growth seems to have accelerated after seizures and seizure medication . Worries me no end. I try to be so careful of his diet but not on an on a diet way.

He used to be very fussy but has improved so much. I've been keeping a food diary.

Breakfast-plain yoghurt, sugar free granola, berries
Snack- oatcakes and cheese spread
Lunch- chicken sandwich, shredded lettuce and carrot sticks, an apple slices dipped in peanut butter
Snack- banana with pumpkin seeds
Dinner- pesto pasta, Swedish meatballs and peas

He eats at least as healthy as his skimmer peers and similar to his 5 yr old sister who is 25th centile for everything

What I'm saying is she's 7, make sure she's getting daily exercise and eating nutritious food while with you, don't put her on a diet

Exercise wise we have after school Monday where he chases round the playground with his pals, swimming lessons Tuesday, gymnastics Wednesday, park or trampolining Thursday, football Friday, tennis Saturday morning. He needs the physical outlet too for high energy levels.

If her mum is unwell surely most likely change is she’s had less opportunity to get outside and be active, something neither of them can help. I wouldn’t be making her diet I’d be giving her loads of chances to stretch herself physically. Long walks, outdoor games, swimming etc.

She's 125 cm, so not tall for her age. 31kg. She comes out as 98% centile, she's definitely overweight.

She does definitely exercise when she's with her mum, I think it has to be portion size and the sorts of food she's being given. That's why I wonder about trying a diet, obviously not telling her it's a diet. I don't know if she's encouraged to make healthy choices with her mum.

Her mum has always been very slim and thinks it will just sort itself out on its own. She's been piling on weight for a year, it's obviously not going to.

Her mum moved abroad with her after she and DP separated.

I just posted in your other thread and I’m
regretting it. Looking at the other kids in the household, who as you
mentioned are very fussy eaters, and the food you mentioned (nothing unhealthy but definitely nothing amazingly healthy)… I think you just need to relax a bit, let her enjoy the time with her dad, cook whatever she can and will be allowed to eat for religious reasons.

Her mum is unwell, she is being passed around relatives and now she is abroad with a dad who is not helping much and a stepmum who has fussy children herself but has decided she needs to act on the weight of her step child even when she is going home when school starts in a couple of weeks time?

Act on what you can and it is under your remit. You are not going to get an overweight child sorted in 2 weeks, but you can do wonders for your own children over the years if you start working on their fussiness, rather than cooking à la carte for them as you are already doing.