Perimenopause, no desire, and sex hurts

[CoffeeLover87]

My libido has completely gone. I used to enjoy it but now I never think about it. I do want to get it back.

We finally tried after about a week and it was uncomfortable. Husband suggested lube so we used some but it still stung and felt wrong.

I googled and saw vaginal oestrogen mentioned a lot for peri dryness and pain. Im thinking of trying that myself first. If that doesnt work then I might need to look into HRT and see a GP but the side effects of HRT are a whole other issue to think about.

My periods are all over the place and I get hot flushes so I think its perimenopause. Has anyone tried vaginal oestrogen? Did it help with the physical stuff and did it do anything for desire? Any advice welcome.

Take a look at the Balance Menopause website or app - lots of brilliant information & guidance about peri/menopause & HRT.

You could start with just vaginal oestrogen if you like - will sort dryness, pain, bladder issues etc.

Transdermal HRT is completely natural & body-identical now, just like the hormones your body has produced itself for the last 30 years or so. Lots & lots of protective & preventative benefits to taking it, that will reduce your risks of heart disease, dementia, osteoporosis, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, cancers etc etc.

Testosterone and vaginal oestrogen. Gand changers!!

Vaginal oestrogen solves all the physical part. If you go on transdermal HRT you can then use Testosterone which solved the desire part for me.

My biggest regret is trying to struggle through perimenopause without HRT.

Thanks for the app tip, Ive downloaded it. Looks like a lot but will get through it. Good to know about the vaginal oestrogen for the dryness side.

Does it need a prescription or can you get it over the counter? Also any idea if it helps with libido as well or is that a separate thing?

Thanks for replying and suggesting testosterone for libido issue. Sounds like I need to see the GP for that.

I agree with this. I've moved from vaginal cream onto just patches and testosterone gel. Ask to see a GP who has a special interest in female health. I found you get HRT from any GP but you need the special interest GP for the testosterone. It absolutely changed everything for me.

I can’t comment on the estrogen but I use Australian bodycare lube it’s got a bit of tea tree oil in it so helps to heal any chaffing, I’ve been known to use it as moisturiser afterwards. I’m sometimes not in the mood but allow myself to be persuadable sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t it which case we stop. DH also spends ages on foreplay sometimes too much and I have to tell him to crack on!

Vaginal oestrogen is a game changer - if sex isn't painful (use lube too) you are far more likely to enjoy it. Sod the hot flushes - go and have a chat with your GP and get some HRT, there is no need to suffer these days!

Thats really helpful thank you. I like the sound of that lube, never heard of it. Does it actually help with the stinging or just the chafing? Also the persuadable comment made me think actually maybe I need to change my mindset.Foreplay sounds lovely actually but my DH is more of a rushy type lol 😂 so not sure I would get that lucky.

I had similar. I went to a private menopause clinic as I’ve heard horror stories of GPs fobbing you off. I’m on HRT patches, testosterone and vaginal oestrogen, plus lube. I feel human again.

Well he's gonna need to up his game isn't he?

This is the one https://australian-bodycare.uk/products/intim-glide
I generally find it prevents any stinging or chaffing and when I thought I havent needed it and felt a bit chaffed afterwards then I’ve popped a bit on and it’s relived any discomfort.
I think your DH needs enlightening that’s he’s far more likely to get some if he spends a bit of time
on foreplay!! DH and I only met when I was 41 so already libido through the floor so he cottoned on very early that foreplay was more likely to get him lucky!
Re the being persuadable there are times when I’m like absolutely not in the mood so it’s a cuddle or nothing mate! Other times I’m like meh I could be interested with the right encouragement the onus is then on him to get me in the mood sometimes it ends in a nope still no go sometimes he gets lucky! The lube definitely helps!

Also recommend estriol vag cream and hrt patches and lube. My doctor warned me that using estriol vag cream my vag would be like it was 20years old again and to not be surprised if I get lots of normal discharge! Not quite sliding off seats but no more mini tears and sex much more comfortable.

You'll need a prescription at the moment (although they plan in the future for it to be available at pharmacies). It didn't change my libido, but has done for several friends.

If your vagina is dry to the point of sex hurting, you should be using vaginal oestrogen anyway, sex or no sex. Vaginal atrophy is no joke and if you simply let this persist without treating, it can cause further drying and pain and repeated uti. It’s no problem to use, just pessaries or cream, your GP should prescribe. Will take a little while to take effect.