Has anyone else felt they’ve failed their child because of where they live?

[TeaAndPaperbacks]

I’m struggling a bit today and wondering if anyone else has felt similarly.

We’ve just come back from a holiday in the south west and are currently staying at my parents’ house before going home.
Both places are much bigger than our house and both have large gardens.
My 7-year-old DS has absolutely loved running around outside and spending lots of time with his cousin out there.

Today he said he doesn’t want to leave, and although I know that’s probably a normal reaction after a holiday, it’s really hit me hard.
We live in a small house with no garden. It’s something I’m already unhappy about myself, and hearing him talk about how much he’s enjoyed having outdoor space has made me feel like we’ve somehow failed him. He’s also an only child, so when we go home he’ll no longer be seeing his cousin every day, which adds another layer to the guilt.

Logically I know lots of children grow up perfectly happy in smaller homes and without gardens, but emotionally I can’t shake the feeling that he’s missing out and that we’ve not been able to give him the childhood he deserves.

I really dislike the area we live in, I would love to be nearer to my family, I would love a bigger house with a garden, like I grew up with. It’s not possible to move as we don’t have the money. Our financial situation makes it impossible.

I think part of the reason this has affected me so much is that it’s touched on worries I already have about our living situation. It feels as though hearing him say he doesn’t want to leave and he prefers it here has confirmed my own fears about our home, even though I know children often don’t want holidays and family visits to end.

Has anyone else felt this way? If you grew up in a small house without a garden, or are raising children in one now, I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences.

well it sounds like he’s had a wonderful holiday and has the holiday blues abit i’m sure it’ll settle once your home.
do you go for walks / get out in nature alot? We do have a garden but my 3 children love the outdoors so we spend alot of time driving to more scenic areas / woodland so they can explore

Would you consider/ be able to move to an area with cheaper housing?

Oh god, just stop this train of thought OP

Are your children neglected, abused, unloved?

Thats failure as a parent

You probably spend too long naval gazing, as is the modern way, too much time on here reading about how outrageous it is if kids have to share a bedroom, or live in a house with a downstairs bathroom (shudder).

Get on with your life, take enjoyment out of the plus points of where you live and how you live, there will be plenty. Less time cleaning, no need to worry about gardening or watershortages, there'll be plenty more. Engage with the good parts of your local community, feel involved and active within it.

I honestly think a lot of kids these days are living in less desirable situations than their parents did. Also many parents are opting to just have one child and there is nothing wrong with that. My eldest ds during his teen years used to say his life would have been a lot better had he not had three younger siblings ! just focus on giving him the best you can, I'm sure you are already doing that. It sounds like he has a loving family and that's the most important thing.

Sorry I posted to quick!

I grew up in a tiny flat for the first 21 years of my life! No garden from the age of 0-21, just a small concrete yard but we had a small paddling pool and plenty of fun still, I do love having a garden for my children now though but I wouldn’t say being brought up in a smaller place with no garden done me any damage

When they were little I felt bad for living in a city, so they didn’t have the running round outside as easily, but it’s been brilliant for them as teens. They have so many more opportunities here than if we lived really, and the independence of getting around by themselves.

So don’t feel bad!

We live in Surrey. And went to the north east on holiday last week. And I totally get it. We are seriously considering moving as our house is so tiny.

I agree with pp - a lot of families nowadays have smaller houses than in previous generations. Not a fail at all.
Many children love holidays and don’t want them to end - perfectly normal.

If it's any consolation @TeaAndPaperbacks once, when ds was about 6, and DH was away, I booked a caravan for a week on a nice little park with a pool about two miles from my mum's. She and step came and did some pool duty some days whilse dd napped and we went back with them every evening for dinner.

At the end of the week, DS cried at home time and sobbed in the car for half the journey. We were going back to a big house with a large garden and he wanted to stay at the caravan site.

Your boy is crying because a lovely holiday is ending, a holiday you gave him. Not because he's got a littler house.

My DD has just moved from a two-up-two-down, because she has two children. The average family size when they were built was five children. The slum housing previous generations lived in has thankfully gone. But children could be thrown out to pay and always had a group to play with.

OP, it's post holiday blues, not your house. Try to get the cousins together at your house and get out and about with them.

Haha, I came on here to say yes... because we live in a house with big garden miles away from anywhere and the kids can't easily meet up with friends or go anywhere without me taking them in a car, and they never bloody go in the big garden any more anyway.... plus we are forever trying to keep up with maintenance of the house and garden and I long to live in a simple small house with no garden and spend all my free time going to woods and parks. And I would have a lot of free time cos I wouldn't be endlessly cleaning and working on house/garden.

Small house without a garden 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Small flat with damp, sharing a bedroom with my sister and not enough money to put electricity on the key meter.

Your kids are very privileged in fact

I feel the same. We live in a small two-bed terraced house in an expensive city as we couldn’t afford to buy anything bigger.

Technically it’s fine as we only have one DC, but I would love to have more space and a garden. A lot of DD’s friends live in bigger houses and I do feel a bit ashamed, plus like other people have said I grew up in a bigger house (albeit still a terraced house) and expected that I’d have the same type of house, or something even nicer.

DH and I have recently got better paid jobs and were thinking of looking for a bigger house this year, but with all the economic uncertainty/ AI affecting jobs plus some serious health issues for me, that’s been put on hold.

However, I remind myself that we are lucky to own a house, that the smaller mortgage means we have more money for everything else and have not been affected too much by the cost of living so far, and that we decided to live in this expensive city rather than the cheaper towns nearby as it’s a nicer place to live (hence the high house prices!).

I know why you feel like you do. I grew up in a large house with 90 acres of land, my kids have grown up in terraced houses with no gardens.
It just 'is what it is ' unfortunately.
I try to look at it this way, my kids might not have had everything but they always had a clean home, clean clothes, plentiful and decent food, lots of activities and toys etc that other children in less fortunate circumstances (and sadly there are lots of them) could only dream of.

I know why you feel like you do. I grew up in a large house with 90 acres of land, my kids have grown up in terraced houses with no gardens.
It just 'is what it is ' unfortunately.
I try to look at it this way, my kids might not have had everything but they always had a clean home, clean clothes, plentiful and decent food, lots of activities and toys etc that other children in less fortunate circumstances (and sadly there are lots of them) could only dream of.

My friend lives in a small two bed flat but they have an allotment nearby. There is a lovely community at the allotment with other children to play with and lots of places to run and play. Is this an option for you?