Fretting over baby name

[coconutbananasmoothie]

Aibu for not choosing this name?
back story.. my sister in law (SIL1) called her child Lola-May

May was my maternal grandmothers name.

Lola-May has always just been referred to as Lola.
I recently found out I was pregnant last month. I mentioned to a few people that if it’s a girl I’d love to call my baby May after my grandmother.. my other sister in law (SIL2) has since told me that SIL1 got a bit funny over this and made a comment along the lines of… ‘why would she call her the same as my DD? My DD already has this name’

now this has put me off using it, especially since all of a sudden Lola is no longer referred to as Lola and all I keep hearing and seeing on messages everywhere etc now is Lola-May. I feel she’s being territorial over the name.
Aibu to not use that name now?

ps- names have been changed for this post. And I know that it’s a girl I had the early gender detection blood test done

You are free to name your child whatever you wish.

Call her what you want
How often will the children see each other?
I have a 70s style double barrell name say " Sarah -Jane
My older cousin was " Jane " it wsnt a big deal
We had two other cousins with very similar sounding names say " Hanna and Anna"
Again nobody batted an eye lid.

No one owns a name

This is why you never ever discuss names outside of the two parents before the baby is born!

I would not use the name. It will cause issues.

Use whatever name you like but for heavens sake do not tell anyone until the baby is born

Call your child whatever you want. Lots of cousin duplications in my generation.

If I were you I would name my baby whatever I liked. My husband has a brother called Steve, my husband also has a son called Steve, I have a brother called Steve, my husband and I have the same first name (male and female spelling but the exact same name) - we all manage perfectly well.

I don't understand why though. It's not the same name and it's a family name for OP.
OP call your baby whatever you want. No one owns a name and in some families duplicate names are common.

Never, ever tell anyone your baby's name before they are born. Not to relatives, grandparents, friends, no one.

Have the baby, announce the birth and the name.

Use the name anyway. I love the name May. It's very popular at the moment as a middle name or double barrel but quite unusual for a first name, go for it! Classical, timeless, simple yet beautiful.

Lola-May is Lola-May and May will be May. I know two cousins Gabriella and Ella. No one said Ella shouldn't be used because it was already part of GabriElla!

How about Maya instead?

I don’t get this “never ever tell anyone the name” thing, surely if there’s any upset to be had it’s better to get it sorted before you’re in the throes of post partum newborn chaos!

I’d use it as a middle name. But use it if you want. What does your DH think? I assume it’s his sister?

May is lovely and underrated as a stand alone first name. You're fine to use it. Though I get you changed the names here. If it's something like Rose, you're also fine to use it.

I think it would be weirder if it was the first half of a double barrelled name but you could still use it, just odd if the cousins would see each other often.

Disagree.

It's a family name.
Everyone in the family has a right to use it.

X

Yes to me it would be weird to use the name, especially as the cousin is now being ref to as Lola-May. Also consider that she might use May herself as she gets older as her preferred name. If you don’t see them often it doesn’t matter though
What about a derivative to honour your Nan like Mabel/Maevea/Esmay/Maia/Maple etc

Use the name. 2 of my dc have the same middle name !

If you want to call her that name then I think do so!
I have two cousins (brothers) and both of their children have the same first name. At first everyone was a bit ? But now no one cares or mentions it

May was my grandmothers middle name and, regardless of how many family members used the name, I would use it because they don't have exclusive rights to my grandmother's name.

It's also a beautiful name, IMO. Use it without worry!

I know two sisters with almost the same name. For example one is called Danielle and the other one is Elle. Baffles me why the parents would do that 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t see an issue with cousins having similar names though. My cousin has the same name as my dad so they were just Big and Small Name.

I settled on my boys name and girls name before I even got pregnant. Never wavered, never changed. When I fell pregnant it was clear the due date was in the middle of the month (both our grandads were born in that month, mine at the start and DH at the end) we decided to use both names when he came on his due date. Let’s call him William Ben George. My cousin is now pregnant with a boy - she wants to use our grandads name with her dad’s first name. It means her son will be William Ben as well.
I DONT CARE! It’s lovely to have a Will and a little Benny!!!

Use the name May, your SIL is being silly and calling her daughter her full name now won't stick

This is why I didn’t tell a soul my babies name till she was born

Of course you are free not to use the name, but the question is do you want to use it anyway?

Your daughter could well love to hear how you had her named picked out before she was even conceived and what a lovely coincidence Lola's mum and dad had the same idea. Great minds etc. It's a much better "origin story" than I was going to call you May but your aunty got territorial over it so I gave you something that sounded similar but different enough to hopefully avoid too much aggro.

We have similarly named cousins in our family and it's a complete non-issue.

You're not unreasonable to name your baby after your grandmother even one if your children's cousins has the same or a similar name. There are pros and cons to doing this, but ultimately the baby's name is up to her parents, no one else.

However, it seems counterproductive that SIL1 is telling SIL2 she minds your using the name May rather than telling you directly. Is SIL1 one of the "few people" you had previously mentioned the name to, or not? Did she, or Lola-May's dad, say anything to you directly when you first mentioned the name? Could SIL1 be resenting your not telling her - or could she be feeling that you should have ASKED Lola-May's parents - or Lola-May herself if she's old enough - how they felt before announcing? (I'm not saying you had any obligation to do this, but it wouldn't be an uncommon reaction).

If SIL1 is your brother's wife (and therefore Lola-May is your grandmother May's great granddaughter) then I would remind SIL1 and Bro that you've chosen May for the same reason they (presumably?) did, because it is a family name and to honour your grandmother. If SIL1 is your husband's wife, she probably doesn't even know that May was your grandmother's name, so tell her (or have your husband do it, or both do it, depending on the relationships). SIL2 should NOT be in the middle of this - you don't even know how SIL1 (let alone Lola-May herself, and her dad) feel about this. Have a conversation, but you're not in the wrong if you ultimately do decide to use May.